How to condole with Muslims

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- MAS
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How to condole with Muslims
OP - April 22, 2011, 08:34 PM

I am finding my option of words limited while condoling the death of their relatives with my muslim friends. I mean I feel fake using phrases like "may the departed soul rest in peace" or "may Allah bless the".
Usually I say "may be family find strength to cope etc"
- musivore
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #1 - April 22, 2011, 09:50 PM

I really struggle with this also. To the English speaking, I find it enough to say 'I'm sorry for your loss'. But to urdu speakers, I really struggle. All urdu speaking muslims have a set phrase for such occasions, which amounts to saying, 'it is Allah's will'. However, I just can't get myself to say these words; I find it would be hypocritical of me to use them. Therefore, I often shake the hand of the individual I'm trying to console, and keep my mouth shut.

What's even harder is when the loss is yours. On such occasions, you get a barrage of people saying to you 'it is Allah's will'. To this, you are supposed to reply something similar back. Again, I can't do that, and often end up mumbling something deliberately incomprehensible in return.

I too would therefore welcome any suggestions that would save me from the awkwardness I always feel on such occasions. Any ideas guys?

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- Lilyesque
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #2 - April 22, 2011, 10:37 PM

If its you who have lost its porbs best to look dazed, they will just even if you are not think you are distraught.
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #3 - April 23, 2011, 12:12 AM

'Im sorry to hear what happened'
or if you are feeling extra poetic-
“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” - Thomas Campbell

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- Aphrodite
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #4 - April 23, 2011, 02:00 AM

Quote from: MAS on April 22, 2011, 08:34 PM
I am finding my option of words limited while condoling the death of their relatives with my muslim friends. I mean I feel fake using phrases like "may the departed soul rest in peace" or "may Allah bless the".
Usually I say "may be family find strength to cope etc"

Its not fake to them, so I have no problem saying such things. Like when I visit my mum's grave with a family member I'm expected to say a dua or read some surahs so I just get on with it even though I know its complete BS, but because it means something to them, I just do it.
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #5 - April 23, 2011, 03:26 AM

I am sorry to hear that/ Sorry for your loss..

مجھے بڑا افسوس ہوا

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #6 - April 23, 2011, 03:28 AM

Quote from: musivore on April 22, 2011, 09:50 PM
What's even harder is when the loss is yours. On such occasions, you get a barrage of people saying to you 'it is Allah's will'. To this, you are supposed to reply something similar back. Again, I can't do that, and often end up mumbling something deliberately incomprehensible in return.

I don't think you are supposed to reply anything.. just make a sad face and get away with it..

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #7 - April 23, 2011, 03:32 AM

a friend's mom recently got diagnosed with a serious disease and everyone is saying nonsense like "may allah give her shifa". I just said I am sorry to hear that and hope everything works out well.

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #8 - April 23, 2011, 03:34 AM

Quote from: muddy on April 23, 2011, 03:28 AM
I don't think you are supposed to reply anything.. just make a sad face and get away with it..

lol honestly the whole "its allah's will" must be so comforting.

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #9 - April 23, 2011, 07:51 AM

Islame/muddy: can either of you translate those phrases into urdu (or preferably punjabi)?

Aphrodite: aww, that's so nice. You're a credit to us ex-muslims.

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #10 - April 23, 2011, 11:11 AM

Quote from: muddy on April 23, 2011, 03:26 AM
I am sorry to hear that/ Sorry for your loss..

مجھے بڑا افسوس ہوا

That translated into urdu would be "mujhe bara afsaws something" I can't make out the last word :(
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #11 - April 23, 2011, 11:19 AM

Oh yeah, thanks. That's what I'll use from now on

I'll add the last word of 'heh'...

Edit: punjabi version = micky afsaws heh

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #12 - April 23, 2011, 05:16 PM

A rude atheist response in Urdu:

Bara afsos hua. Aap key pyar waley ke mot ka matlab hay key ab wo bus khatam go gai hain. Koi janat o jahanam nahi hai un key liay. wo bus miti may sar key ghaib ho jain gay.

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #13 - April 23, 2011, 05:54 PM

Hi
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #14 - April 23, 2011, 06:10 PM

- کوئی جنّت و جہنّم نہیں ہے ان کے لیے - فکر نہ کریں ، موہت مے بندہ آزاد ہے

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #15 - April 23, 2011, 06:24 PM

:S Same here, I've gone between saying nothing, to mumbling stuff to saying ( may god reward you in heaps) > since we are suffering their loss and we have to practice patience, Allah will rewards us. I have said this to extended family and would probably say something more genuine if it were a close muslim friend.

People seem to have standards towards what it said, for instance, for Arabs, saying ( elbaggiya fihiatek, literally means= The rest is in your life) some seem to get offended by it, i probably would wanna slap someone who said it , too ...like, Shut up! it's not the time for making me feel good about my future accomplishments. Although i appreciate that it had no mention of Allah come to think of it .

Atham allah ajrak is what we usually say , i know this by heart now because i've had numerous family members come up to me to tell me what i need to say.

"Tomorrow is the today you were worried about yesterday" Unknown
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #16 - April 23, 2011, 07:53 PM

What does that last phrase mean mufa9a? Is it 'such is allah's will'?

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #17 - April 23, 2011, 08:48 PM

It would in a way mean the underlined in the first paragraph. Or may god make your reward great.

It is already a given that it is Allah's will, some might repeat it "for the sake of talking"

"Tomorrow is the today you were worried about yesterday" Unknown
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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #18 - April 24, 2011, 10:23 AM

Quote from: olweasel on April 23, 2011, 06:10 PM
- کوئی جنّت و جہنّم نہیں ہے ان کے لیے - فکر نہ کریں ، موہت مے بندہ آزاد ہے

It took me two days to finally understand that. I'm glad I worked at it though

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Re: How to condole with Muslims
Reply #19 - April 24, 2011, 05:41 PM

Nice suggestions all. I had to call a close friend in different country whose relative had passed away. Was able to get away with minimum use of "Its Allah's will" type of lines. And then we got to usual chat
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