Re: Friends with the opposite sex ?
Reply #59 - June 19, 2011, 07:09 PM
Ok, to those who have platonic male friendships, are we talking proper friends or aquaintances who you call friends?
Is friendship with a non gay male possible in the level that I have friendships with my female friends?
Because what I call friendship and what you call friendship can be 2 different things here.
For me, my friends I can count on 1 hand. I talk to them about everything, absolutely everything, no secrets. I speak to them often, hang out with them often.
Now I have had a few male friends like this ^^ talk about everything, they told me I was their friend "above anything" and "first and foremost you are my friend", and yet in both instances of having a male who I considered to be a close personal friend, 1 I caused the hurt, and number 2 caused me the hurt because I actually believed that we were really friends.
Now was I the naive one for assuming that saying you are my friend, means the rest will never matter?
The 1st one was my 'friend', but wanted more. I could not give this and it took years of uncomfortable "I can;t talk to you anymore" moments before he could accept being just my friend, but more often than not he simply feels like an aquaintance who I speak to occasionally but never speak to in the same open way we used to when he thought he could have me, to how reserved our conversations are now.
Also, based on our past, I can never be 100% honest about all my stuff, so again he does not meet the requirements for a friend.
The 2nd made me believe I was his friend too. Then when he got what he genuinely wanted, my friendship became a joke and now I do not want to know him anymore. That friendship is dead.
But to what end was his freindship ever offered? never was it offered because he liked me as a person above the attraction his dick felt for me.
So, in my world friendship may mean some sort of stars and rainbows and fluffy unicorns, but can men be THAT sort of friend to you?
When you say you are friends with women, or friends with men, just what sort of friendship do you have?
is it equal in openess as it is with your same sex friends or is that my delusion?
My new view is that the moment a guy has the time to be that sort of friend for you, to give that much attention to the friendship, that denotes more. Either I wanna fuck you or I wanna love you, but to me it seems that way.
I know I am speaking from irrational experience, but honestly this subject just does my head in now. I don't even know what to think anymore.
Is it Q man's honesty that allows for a friendship to remain possible after?
Is it if you say to a woman before she gets her hopes up, that ultimately this will never be more than it is, is that what prevents the breakdown after expectations and hopes become crushed? is it?
What is this 3rd option Kenan speaks of?
Because for me, it's either me, or them. My fault, or theirs, my failings, or theirs.
And KT, go ahead and take the piss. I really can't be bothered since you really have no fucking idea what I am on about anyway.
Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
Topic: Friends with the opposite sex ?