I got back home today and took some of guru Quods advice
It was time for magrib prayer so i made my own version of the wudhoo just to show my mum. then i got on the musulah, and to be honest the familiarity that came from the ritual of praying was oddly comforting. But i did not pray the way a muslim should, instead i got into the position that always gave me great comfort, the sujood. I use to speak my heart out to god in my sujood and it always felt good. So quod mentioned to me that when someone prays to a god they are actually praying to themselves, in my sujood this time I spoke my heart out to myself, said all i needed to tell myself, and it felt just as good!!! I felt like i got what i needed to of my mind and i loved it
Plus my mums happy that I 'prayed'