Sometimes, you have to be the first to push the boundaries, as hurtful as it may be. Your brother might have some nice points, but he just wants to you to take an easier route. I'll add to his scenario as he missed the pitfalls of the third choice (the one he'd rather you make).
3) You be a hypocrite. You lie about who you are on the surface so your family may be deemed as 'acceptable' within the community and keep their respect. You make choices that honour your family to a certain extent, giving into their blackmail, but you get to marry your other half at least so it's not all bad.
This may seem to hurt the least amount of people, but in reality this decision will carry many repercussions. You have given into emotional blackmail, this may encourage your parents to try similar tactics in the future on you as you've already fallen for it. You have allowed an outdated culture to rule over a persons desires once again, preventing it from moving on. Any other relatives in your family who were hoping to break out of the same cultural boundaries you are may be discouraged. You allow a misogynist culture to win, encouraging it to carry on and for your parents to continue treating you like so.
The worst may not even be over for you. Come the wedding day, they will do whatever they can to keep their respect whilst allowing their daughter to marry a white man.
I don't want to make your decision harder. Just want to show you that your brother may have oversimplified your situation, albeit having good intentions.
Hi Peruv, I've thought about that a lot myself... and for those reasons I am still going to hop on that plane tomorrow morning. I realize that my brother just wants to keep the peace, and have the least people hurt as much possible, but its only through the pain that any true change will come. I am just very grateful to have such a supportive and smart and well intentioned brother.
My parents haven't really been talking to me these past couple of days but I am being as good and civil as I can with them. I will never stop treating them with respect no matter how upset with me that may get. I will always try my best to uphold the morals that I truly believe in.
Topic: on the edge..