Do you want a maid or a wife?

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Do you want a maid or a wife?
OP - December 26, 2011, 08:07 AM

Sometimes i am amazed over the stupidity of some Muslim men. When some of them are describing their potential wife or "Ms Right" it sounds more and more like a maid then a wife/life partner. It sounds like a maid who can cook for them, wash their feets and do some stuff in the bed room.

Why is it like this? Are these mens masculinity build on how much they can oppress their fellow human beings? Not only by viewing them as someone who can do their chores like their mother used to do it for them (since most them used to be mommas little "princes"), but also their hostile views on women?

Is it a masculinity solely based on oppressing everything which is feminine? Do they feel more "manly" by portraying a potential life partner as a submissive maid and doll?

Whats your two cents?

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #1 - December 26, 2011, 08:33 AM

I want a wife in a French maid outfit, actual cleaning optional.

Also, a genetically-engineered monkey butler.

fuck you
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #2 - December 26, 2011, 10:36 AM

^I wouldnt mind latino maid.

I wouldnt say muslims only but it is also common in other religious or dogmatic households who believes that women belongs to kitchen and should remain a housewife.

But i aint gonna lie, i like a woman who can cook well, i mean a woman cooking for her husband isnt such a bad thing, i like the idea of it itself, hell we might even compete on who cooks the best food .

As for the laundry,making beds, and doing chores, unless she wants to otherwise we will hire a maid or do the chores together.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #3 - December 26, 2011, 12:14 PM

When I was a kid I dreamt of having a monkey butler - a trained monkey to fetch me the remote control, or a drink from the fridge, at my beck and call.

Peanuts and bananas, that is all it would take.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #4 - December 26, 2011, 12:17 PM

Quote from: Al-Ma`arri on December 26, 2011, 08:07 AM
Sometimes i am amazed over the stupidity of some Muslim men. When some of them are describing their potential wife or "Ms Right" it sounds more and more like a maid then a wife/life partner. It sounds like a maid who can cook for them, wash their feets and do some stuff in the bed room.

Why is it like this? Are these mens masculinity build on how much they can oppress their fellow human beings? Not only by viewing them as someone who can do their chores like their mother used to do it for them (since most them used to be mommas little "princes"), but also their hostile views on women?

Is it a masculinity solely based on oppressing everything which is feminine? Do they feel more "manly" by portraying a potential life partner as a submissive maid and doll?

Whats your two cents?

It may be more pronounced amongst unenlightened Muslim men, but I'd say that alot of non Muslim men have the same kind of ideas about a partner too.

There was a programme about middle aged men here in England who marry 'mail order brides' from Thailand and elsewhere in Asia, and every single one of them said the reason why they were doing it was because it was hard to find a British woman who would cook and clean and be subservient to them - which combined misogyny with a stereotype of what Asian women are always like.

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #5 - December 26, 2011, 06:53 PM

^^ What Billy said. Its not really just an Islamic thing, it's a man thing. Not all men (disclaimer before being lynched) but certainly a good fucking portion of them all think women must do all of the things a maid does and then some.

I'm not sure how easy I would find living with a man again for this reason. I HATE chores. I don't mind cooking sometimes but its a chore, therefore a bore, and I hate being anyones maid. You have no idea how much I hate slaving away after my messy children.

I honestly can't wait to be all alone again so I can take care of me and me alone, be tidy all the time without being pissed off that I am slaving away for some lazy penis who thinks my vagina qualifies me to take care of everything for them.

Some of my non muslim female friends would be lucky if they could squeeze one night of babysitting off their guys. Whenever I phone its all "just have to get dinner ready for....", "just have to tidy up", "god he is soooo lazy". and I remember being married and the male/female thing sucks.

Give me a self sufficient man who is willing to shoulder 50% of this fucking burden and I will walk on clouds foerver.

I don't mind dressing up in a maids outfit, but believe me, I want to be FAKE dusting in a 'come get me' pose, not real dusting in 'I'm gonna fucking get you' pose.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #6 - December 28, 2011, 09:48 AM

enh I'm fucking lazy and z10 does everything for me. (thnkx babe )
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #7 - December 28, 2011, 11:37 AM

My mother is forever rolling her eyes whenever I mention that there's no way I'm going to be some man's housekeeper. She seems to think it's inevitable. Then again, she believes I'm going to marry a local man, and small chance of that.

But yeah, just an example: my brother-in-law is not religious in the slightest (I guess he qualifies as deist) and supposedly his up-bringing was pretty... western. And yet, he will not even change his son's diapers. He cooks SOMETIMES (pasta and pizza, how healthy) and would brag about it endlessly whenever it happens, and of course he NEVER cleans or washes up. My sister is almost as lazy as him so their house is always messy. I don't want to go through that. I am a rather tidy person. I'll always wash the dishes on the same day they were used. I do the laundry once a week, I keep my room clean at all time, but by jove I'm not going to do that alone when I'm living with someone. Why should it fall to ME? I would understand I would need to do it if my partner was the only one with a job, the only one providing for the family, but if it's not the case why would his life at home feel like a holiday?

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #8 - December 28, 2011, 11:44 AM

Quote from: Naerys on December 28, 2011, 11:37 AM
I am a rather tidy person. I'll always wash the dishes on the same day they were used. I do the laundry once a week, I keep my room clean at all time

will you marry me?
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #9 - December 28, 2011, 12:20 PM

I guess I don't need to worry too much about those things, though, because I'm lucky enough to be with someone who's lived on his own for several years, who is used to housekeeping and is a pretty fine cook.

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There's only sorrow for tomorrow
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #10 - December 28, 2011, 12:26 PM

i'm very tidy, but that's about it. i try to cook and clean and do my laundry regularly, although in practice it's a different story.
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #11 - December 28, 2011, 02:39 PM

Quote from: Naerys on December 28, 2011, 11:37 AM
My mother is forever rolling her eyes whenever I mention that there's no way I'm going to be some man's housekeeper. She seems to think it's inevitable. Then again, she believes I'm going to marry a local man, and small chance of that.

Now that my immediate younger sis is married,everyone is thinking that im next but when i told them they shouldnt put their hopes on it because it may not happen soon, they think i was joking.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #12 - December 28, 2011, 04:40 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on December 26, 2011, 06:53 PM
You have no idea how much I hate slaving away after my messy children.

Your kids don't help around the house?
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #13 - December 28, 2011, 09:29 PM

Quote from: Naerys on December 28, 2011, 11:37 AM
My mother is forever rolling her eyes whenever I mention that there's no way I'm going to be some man's housekeeper.

You know it actually makes me sad to remember that I used to say all the same things to my dad when I was a young girl.

I used to stand there and declare to him furiously that I would never ever be the housewife.

When I was mid twenties and me and my father grew closer, he said to me he used to love that about me. He always believed that I would never be some mans slave and he couldn't weight up the woman I became with the little girl he was once so proud of for saying all of those things.

Maybe if he had told me he was proud of that part of me as a young girl I would have grown into a woman who didn't get pulled in to that stupidity later on in life. Intsead all they do is laugh at you and crush you down and remind you over and over that 'it's just a dream'. Reality is much more different.

Sigh.

Well I got there in the end.

I don't mind cooking something nice. I like to do nice things sometimes and my food is awesome, but really I want an end to the drugdery of my so called gender role.

I'm sick of losing friends to it, sick of watching the skittles falls as sperm filled balls knock em over and straight into the kitchen......because that is exactly what happens around me. Friends, females who were once fun to hang around with (and of course I have been there) now stop in a panic because dinner needs to be on the table, and I loathe losing my friends as they fill their delegated positions.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #14 - December 28, 2011, 09:33 PM

Quote from: Kenan on December 28, 2011, 04:40 PM
Your kids don't help around the house?

I dare anyone here to try to set all the boundaries that would make that magical thing possible in a house where the eldest child has an extreme emotional and behavioural disorder.

During the week my 2 youngest help out when I ask, but holidays and weekends when my eldest comes home, everything turns to shit. He fights, trashes the house, most people go to bed frazzled and drained and all order goes out of the window.

You just can't build the ideal family when there is such a serious problem behind those closed doors.

I have effectively given up trying to keep any order since the xmas holidays started. My house will be trashed til 5th of January.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #15 - December 28, 2011, 11:26 PM

@Berbs

I wasn't aware that things were quite as bad as that.

Are you getting any professional support with regards to the behavioural/emotional issues you eldest son has?
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #16 - December 29, 2011, 03:01 AM

I've always been chief cook and bottle washer in our household and it's not a role that I ever found particularly onerous. Now that we are more stationary and the husband has a less demanding role at work he's doing more around the house and garden. That's just how it panned out for us.
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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #17 - December 29, 2011, 05:22 AM

I laughed when I saw this topic. I've never been married. Oh yes I had my children and I'm religious now but that was back in my rebellious days. I'm always saying I need a wife to have my dinner ready for me when I get home from work. My friends always laugh and say, "No, Lynna you need to get married and be a good wife!" Well everything said and done that is not a bad idea. I like keeping my house clean, doing the laundry, cooking, having some one to wait on, shopping, keeping a garden, tending my chickens, that is if I haven't all ready put in a forty hour work week. I even embrace the idea that my husband would get to be head of the house but that is not a one way street. That position holds a lot of respossibility to do things justly.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #18 - December 29, 2011, 09:21 AM

Quote from: BerberElla on December 28, 2011, 09:29 PM
When I was mid twenties and me and my father grew closer, he said to me he used to love that about me. He always believed that I would never be some mans slave and he couldn't weight up the woman I became with the little girl he was once so proud of for saying all of those things.

Maybe if he had told me he was proud of that part of me as a young girl I would have grown into a woman who didn't get pulled in to that stupidity later on in life. Intsead all they do is laugh at you and crush you down and remind you over and over that 'it's just a dream'. Reality is much more different.

That's pretty sad. It's so easy to say that NOW, when he so actively contributed in what happened to you later on.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #19 - December 31, 2011, 04:41 AM

A wifey

Don't want a maid. cheaper to just split chores with future wife. Plus housewives are boring

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #20 - December 31, 2011, 04:09 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on December 28, 2011, 09:29 PM
You know it actually makes me sad to remember that I used to say all the same things to my dad when I was a young girl.

I used to stand there and declare to him furiously that I would never ever be the housewife.

When I was mid twenties and me and my father grew closer, he said to me he used to love that about me. He always believed that I would never be some mans slave and he couldn't weight up the woman I became with the little girl he was once so proud of for saying all of those things.

Maybe if he had told me he was proud of that part of me as a young girl I would have grown into a woman who didn't get pulled in to that stupidity later on in life. Intsead all they do is laugh at you and crush you down and remind you over and over that 'it's just a dream'. Reality is much more different.

Sigh.

Well I got there in the end.

I don't mind cooking something nice. I like to do nice things sometimes and my food is awesome, but really I want an end to the drugdery of my so called gender role.

I'm sick of losing friends to it, sick of watching the skittles falls as sperm filled balls knock em over and straight into the kitchen......because that is exactly what happens around me. Friends, females who were once fun to hang around with (and of course I have been there) now stop in a panic because dinner needs to be on the table, and I loathe losing my friends as they fill their delegated positions.

All of this. True. Also sorry to hear about the shit situation with your kid at home.

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Re: Do you want a maid or a wife?
Reply #21 - December 31, 2011, 04:31 PM

I want a housewife...
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