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 Topic: How to FAIL at picking up chicks

 (Read 25341 times)
  • 12 3 ... 11 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     OP - January 22, 2012, 05:38 PM
    Ladies of CEMB, I think we need to pool our collective knowledge and help educate and reading men, so that pick up bloopers like the ones I want you to post here, become a thing of the past.

    FAIL = Fucking Assholes In Lust

    1 - Do not walk up to a woman you don't know, in a club, and say "You look really intelligent"......seriously, you don't even know her, it's a serious FAIL move.

    2 - Don't say "You seem really interesting".....again you don't fucking know her.  You came over because she looked good, so stick to complimenting the real reason you came over.  It's a club.

    3 - Don't creepily drag her hand to your face so she can feel how soft your beard is, and then say "This is why you need to let me eat your pussy".  Grin  that's just fucking wrong.

    4 - Don't 'club cruise' unless you are skilled enough to do it.  Ie....try to pay attention to the groups of girls you are approaching as you cruise, in case you confuse the same group as a new group and hit on different girls in the group.  We will just laugh at your FAILage.

    5 - Don't try to hit on the spare girl just because she is with another girl who your friend is talking to.  You must honestly think she will be grateful for the attention, but man are you wrong.  More like take your little punk ass back to the dancefloor.

    * will add more after I have made dinner, I need food lol

    Feel free to add more FAIL moves.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #1 - January 22, 2012, 05:43 PM
    What kind of vibes have you been giving off to attract guys like that?
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #2 - January 22, 2012, 05:45 PM
    Ahhh, LOL bet you would go on a rape thread and say "what vibes are you giving off to attract that sort of attention"  Grin

    You have got to be kidding me. 

    I give off a supremely ANTI SOCIAL VIBE. 

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #3 - January 22, 2012, 05:48 PM
    Tsk tsk. Berbs don't you get it: When women mess up, it's the woman's fault. When men mess up, it's the woman's fault. Grin


    Great idea for a thread Afro
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #4 - January 22, 2012, 05:51 PM
    Quote
    3 - Don't creepily drag her hand to your face so she can feel how soft your beard is, and then say "This is why you need to let me eat your pussy".    that's just fucking wrong.


    Unless you are Grizzly Adams, that line is so absurd regardless of context



    Well, my first tip to the gentlemen looking to score some points with the ladies.

    Grouchy advice Number Uno:

    If you are unattractive DO NOT approach woman, cause they might just call the cops on you.

    Stay tuned for more advice heading your way!
    Quote from: yeezevee on May 03, 2011, 09:40 AM
    Grouchy  what is the  good reason for picking up an innocent girl  as Osama  bin Laden?    

  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #5 - January 22, 2012, 06:10 PM
    Grin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #6 - January 22, 2012, 06:12 PM
    HBI

    Oh, guys all i will say is and try and remain stoic about this and soak in(dont even try and prove them that they are wrong because that will just fuel the flame), it aint gonna pretty Grin
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #7 - January 22, 2012, 06:15 PM
    Don't offload all your emotional baggage on the first night. Huge turn off. Be cool.

    Don't talk about exes. Boring.

    Don't get rat-arsed drunk. Nobody wants to be seen with a red-eyed, slurring, loud, sweating, beer-breath moron.

    Don't ask questions unless you're actually interested in the answer. Don't ask questions as a way-in to boast or rant. Be natural.

    Don't use shit lines.
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #8 - January 22, 2012, 06:33 PM
    you have no idea what she is capable of.. therefore don't assume you know a damn thing about her..
    if you guys really want to know... your biggest mistake is assuming you've met anyone like her, or know her "type"...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #9 - January 22, 2012, 06:35 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on January 22, 2012, 05:38 PM
    Ladies of CEMB, I think we need to pool our collective knowledge and help educate and reading men, so that pick up bloopers like the ones I want you to post here, become a thing of the past.

    FAIL = Fucking Assholes In Lust

    1 - Do not walk up to a woman you don't know, in a club, and say "You look really intelligent"......seriously, you don't even know her, it's a serious FAIL move.

    2 - Don't say "You seem really interesting".....again you don't fucking know her.  You came over because she looked good, so stick to complimenting the real reason you came over.  It's a club.

    3 - Don't creepily drag her hand to your face so she can feel how soft your beard is, and then say "This is why you need to let me eat your pussy".  Grin  that's just fucking wrong.

    4 - Don't 'club cruise' unless you are skilled enough to do it.  Ie....try to pay attention to the groups of girls you are approaching as you cruise, in case you confuse the same group as a new group and hit on different girls in the group.  We will just laugh at your FAILage.

    5 - Don't try to hit on the spare girl just because she is with another girl who your friend is talking to.  You must honestly think she will be grateful for the attention, but man are you wrong.  More like take your little punk ass back to the dancefloor.

    * will add more after I have made dinner, I need food lol

    Feel free to add more FAIL moves.


    What kind of place you live in? Cheesy
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #10 - January 22, 2012, 06:36 PM
    Yup definitely don't talk about exes, and how much she broke your heart or is a nutter  Roll Eyes
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #11 - January 22, 2012, 06:37 PM
    Quote from: Grouchy on January 22, 2012, 05:51 PM
    Grouchy advice Number Uno:

    If you are unattractive DO NOT approach woman, cause they might just call the cops on you.


    Hey look around. If you're paid, you get laid. If you've got fame, then you're game too.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #12 - January 22, 2012, 06:40 PM
    How to get chicks?

    Drive to the club in a fancy sports car. Wear high end clothing. Have a reservation already in place at the VIP section. Open up expensive bottles.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #13 - January 22, 2012, 06:43 PM
    be less like passingaround and more like os  grin12
    be less like fred flinstone and more like james bond..  Cool
    don't do the muslim attitude towards women ... do a humanist approach.. Afro
    don't be an anjem.. be a hassan!  Wink
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #14 - January 22, 2012, 06:54 PM
    ^ Absolutely. Be less black skinned and more white skinned.

    Don't worry precious, this black boogie man is not out to haunt you. Roll Eyes
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #15 - January 22, 2012, 07:08 PM
    "i see" said the blind man..

    you've implied that my post was somehow racially motivated.. which makes me think the name "passinggas" better suits you..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #16 - January 22, 2012, 07:17 PM
    .
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #17 - January 22, 2012, 07:19 PM
    @post#15

    I don't like you referencing me negatively like that.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #18 - January 22, 2012, 07:23 PM


    Quote from: Zaiba on January 22, 2012, 07:17 PM

    Don't drag her away from her friends, she's here to party with them, not to be with some possessive stranger. Roll Eyes

    Don't buy drinks over drinks over drinks for her with the intention of getting her too drunk, you will seriously FAIL!!

    Don't use cheesy chat up lines. Big NO NO!

    Don't try the "grind her ass" aprroach to get her attention, she WILL turn around and she WILL slap you. No joke!

    Don't show off.

    Don't act like a fool.

    Be yourself.

    Be natural.

    Be genuine.

    Afro


    http://youtu.be/sd3mjpGod8I?t=8s
    Quote from: yeezevee on May 03, 2011, 09:40 AM
    Grouchy  what is the  good reason for picking up an innocent girl  as Osama  bin Laden?    

  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #19 - January 22, 2012, 07:23 PM
    Sorry, had to. Roll Eyes
    Quote from: yeezevee on May 03, 2011, 09:40 AM
    Grouchy  what is the  good reason for picking up an innocent girl  as Osama  bin Laden?    

  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #20 - January 22, 2012, 07:24 PM
    DO NOT catcall, hoot, whistle, honk at us.... FOR THE LOVE OF BACON it makes us want to shoot you


    Quod est inferius est sicut quod est superius,
    et quod est superius est sicut quod est inferius,
    ad perpetranda miracula rei unius.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #21 - January 22, 2012, 07:27 PM
    .
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #22 - January 22, 2012, 07:29 PM
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #23 - January 22, 2012, 07:30 PM
    Quote from: nessrriinn on January 22, 2012, 07:08 PM
    "i see" said the blind man..

    you've implied that my post was somehow racially motivated.. which makes me think the name "passinggas" better suits you..


    You don't know me. You don't know what I look like. You don't know me other than what I post on here. And I don't see what the necessity is to have to reference me like that. Its pretty insulting. And I very rarely go to clubs because I can't afford it. If I do, I go with my few friends and we spend most of the time drinking and sitting at the entrance and talking about philosophy, current events etc. Or we go to a club that plays the music we love and that's just that. No bitches here. Don't judge me.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #24 - January 22, 2012, 07:35 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on January 22, 2012, 05:45 PM
    Ahhh, LOL bet you would go on a rape thread and say "what vibes are you giving off to attract that sort of attention"  Grin

    You have got to be kidding me. 


    Quote from: allat on January 22, 2012, 05:48 PM
    Tsk tsk. Berbs don't you get it: When women mess up, it's the woman's fault. When men mess up, it's the woman's fault. Grin


    Great idea for a thread Afro


    Theres a difference between "vibes" and "dressing". Vibes has got to do with how one carries themselves, behaves and the mood they radiate etc

    It becomes tedious and scary, when I talk about a speck in the eye and you go full 10 feet long dick.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #25 - January 22, 2012, 07:40 PM
    .
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #26 - January 22, 2012, 07:41 PM
    holy mother fucking irony  Cheesy
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #27 - January 22, 2012, 07:51 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on January 22, 2012, 06:12 PM
    HBI

    Oh, guys all i will say is and try and remain stoic about this and soak in(dont even try and prove them that they are wrong because that will just fuel the flame), it aint gonna pretty Grin


    ooh a book list
    "I measured the skies, now the shadows I measure,
    Sky-bound was the mind, earth-bound the body rests."
    [Kepler's epitaph]
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #28 - January 22, 2012, 07:52 PM
    1)I just want to know who the hell expects finding potential long term relationships at a club.

    2)I'm 21 and even I think its a little too late for hooking up someone at a club

    Either its cultural difference or we've got some noobs up in here.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #29 - January 22, 2012, 07:53 PM
    Don't assume that because I am at a club in a short dress I am there to get laid.  I'm there to dance and socialise with my friends.  You are there to get laid, oil and water don't mix asshole.

    Do come at me with a joke.  I love humour.  But don't come at me with a sexual joke, I don't know you and this isn't the internetz, and you will FAIL.

    Do offer to buy me a drink, because then I am more likely to buy you one back since I like to keep an even score when I can.  Double points if you buy 1 of my friends a drink too, but FAIL if you buy all my friends a drink.  That is too flash, and I think too much of a push over to impress me since some of my friends will take liberties.

    Ask me to dance.  I know its old fashioned when you weigh it up against how the skanks are skanking, but it's far more impressive to me.

    No groping. 

    Don't call her a MILF, some of us hate that shit.

    Don't try to set up a dinner date as soon as you start talking.  Sometimes we are just being polite because you are a friend of a friend, hence the conversation.  This does not mean that 5 minutes in you suggest taking me to dinner.  You could be a psycho.

    You will have more chance at communication after meeting her, if you stick at a fb swap.  You could ask for her number, sure.  But then you can't guarantee she will give you real digits, or even that she will answer the phone.  FB and then impress works best.  Also gives her a chance to see you outside of the club without taking too much of a risk.



    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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