EDIT: By the way, your use of ‘I’m depressed’ in your post makes it sound dismissive. Let me point out depression is an actual medical condition where your brain doesn’t work properly, and doesn’t give you enough of the chemicals you need to stop making everything including just getting out of bed in the morning a life or death struggle. It is NOT just ‘oh I feel sad and sorry for myself’. Telling someone to get over depression without medical intervention is like telling someone to just pull themselves out of a heart attack.
I'm not saying it's as easy as that. Don't let anyone tell you it is. It's entirely up to you how you tackle it. Just bear in mind that time wont heal you. Healing wont fall into your lap. You've got to go find it from somewhere. You've got to want it more that you want this. And medical intervention can become just another enabling crutch. If it isn't helping you,
it isn't helping you.When I lost someone close to me, I hit rock bottom. I was depressed for a long time. I know exactly how physically crippling depression can be. It caused me physical pain to get out of bed. I just wanted to die. Just roll over and fucking die of misery and self-loathing and agony. All the good advice in the world wouldn't change anything. I just didn't give a shit what people's annoying, privileged, flapping mouths were lecturing me about. It pissed me off that people cared. I lashed out. At friends, loved ones, people who wanted to help me. People who I was hurting. I just wanted to be alone. And fucking die. And it was a long, agonizing process to break out of that. Lots of qualified help and plenty of support. I couldn't have done it alone.
It is
easy, but it aint easy. It's easy when you look back and know how easy it could have been. But it's not easy. It's the hardest thing in the world. The hardest easiest thing in the world. The first steps are the hardest. The first moves you make. Those are the ones that cause you turmoil and you want to give up without trying. You don't see the point. You don’t see how easy it is, because it’s so fucking hard. But I believe fully that you can inform those first moves more wisely and tackle the problem more productively.
It's something you've got to be ready for, when all is said and done. But I think you can make yourself ready. That's hard to do. I wish I could have done it earlier. Because it would have been so much easier. If I could have hauled by dying ass out of that quagmire sooner, I would do so. Because it was the self-inflicted bullshit that was keeping me there. It wasn't about losing someone dear anymore. It was about my pathetic, idle ass.
I don't allow myself to be that person anymore. Because that person is still there somewhere, waiting for her chance to overwhelm me and become me again. On my darkest nights, she'll be watching. When I'm at my most vulnerable, when I'm at my weakest, when I'm exhausted already, that's when we fight. I have to keep training myself, mentally and physically, to be strong enough when those times come. It's never over. But it can be easier. You can arm yourself. You can be ready.
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