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 Topic: How to FAIL at picking up chicks

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  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #270 - January 28, 2012, 05:53 PM
    Quote from: Kodanshi on January 28, 2012, 04:30 PM
    I admire the thing about using language to control your thoughts and actions. After all, it IS the essence of NLP. However, using positive terms invariably seems like meaningless and simple platitudes. You may be strong and love yourself. When I do that I know I’m flat out lying and can’t bring myself to accept those things. I recall doing something similar years back when I wanted to break out of my continual hatred of my appearance. Instead of denigrating and casting fulminations upon myself, I would look into the mirror and tell myself I was a good–looking person. I knew it wouldn’t make me love myself. But I had hoped that it would eventually make me realise saying those things were as meaningless as calling myself ugly.

    The idea isn't necessarily to constantly tell yourself how awesome you are. That would be as exhausting as depression and completely unnatural. The idea is to stop using self-depreciating terms to define yourself. Doing so is reinforcing your view of yourself. You need to break that habit. Figure out why you're doing it, what you hope to gain by doing it. Be honest with yourself. If you're doing it to fish for compliments, find better ways. You can get the same result through showing the better sides of yourself. If you're doing it for sympathy or attention, again, find better ways. If you don't know why you do it, figure it out. It isn't a choice of being miserable or happy. It's more a choice of being creative and productive instead of destructive and fault-finding.
    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #271 - January 28, 2012, 09:24 PM
    That was my original plan. After doing certain positive philosophy exercises I figured out that I served the purpose of serving life’s positive ideals. And yet that seems to have fallen by the wayside somehow…
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #272 - February 02, 2012, 04:32 AM
    Quote from: Ishina on January 28, 2012, 05:53 PM
    The idea isn't necessarily to constantly tell yourself how awesome you are. That would be as exhausting as depression and completely unnatural. The idea is to stop using self-depreciating terms to define yourself. Doing so is reinforcing your view of yourself. You need to break that habit. Figure out why you're doing it, what you hope to gain by doing it. Be honest with yourself. If you're doing it to fish for compliments, find better ways. You can get the same result through showing the better sides of yourself. If you're doing it for sympathy or attention, again, find better ways. If you don't know why you do it, figure it out. It isn't a choice of being miserable or happy. It's more a choice of being creative and productive instead of destructive and fault-finding.

     that is some fantastic advice.. Ishina , well said..

    hmmm, there are a few little tricks i like to use , ,.. one is simple.. first, ask yourself " what is it about yourself you want to change.. when you have your answer, imagine the person you would be if you could change it.. NOW ACT LIKE THAT PERSON... it's not lying to yourself.. it's more like giving yourself permission to be the person you want to be.. not standing in your own way.. 
    it takes practise , just like everything else, that's why men are sooo sexy at the age of 45.. they have mastered it.. they reek of confidence, and it shows!!!.. look forward to who you are .. now just don't stop him from showing himself..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #273 - February 02, 2012, 07:53 AM
    What if the things you want to change about yourself are things you should embrace about yourself?

    So I could visualise myself as this ball breaker bitch who never lets anything phase her or bring her down.  Harsh and unforgiving for self defence.  All because I am ashamed of being soft and forgiving and a general walk over sometimes.

    But other people tell me this is nothing to be ashamed of, so is this a trait I want to change?  should I be trying to visualise myself as the Iron Lady (who I want to be) or learning to accept who I am?

    This whole self change and improvement thing works off of not liking yourself, and not liking yourself....well that's the thing that needs to change. 

    Of course things like my laziness, well that's ok to improve upon.  Grin
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #274 - February 02, 2012, 11:13 AM
    Hey great discussion, over the past year I've been working on developing self-esteem.

    It has developed significantly - I've ended bullying friendships - but it is a gradual process. The combination of self-help that seems to work for me are exercises to change my internal awareness, and body awareness exercises.   

    About a month ago after spending 2 weeks reading Paul Mckenna's book and listening to his hypnosis CD on confidence I experientially understood - rather than intellectually understood - that self-value is with the self, not comparison with others.

    So since then I've been trying to change my internal dialogue so that it's focused on self-value rather than comparison, by doing a minute a day internally saying what I appreciate about myself, and I'm also going to do the 'I love you' mirror exercise for a minute a day.

    I'm also beginning to change my internal dialogue to self-compassion whenever I make mistakes, or catch myself 'chastising' myself. (I'm discovering this can be a challenging habit to change, self-hatred is... seductive wacko)

    I know these simple exercises can have a powerful effect, because I've experienced the power of cultivating the habit of gratitude in regards to happiness. Although I have anxiety challenges that go back to childhood, I haven't suffered from depression since I cultivated the habit of gratitude/appreciation in my internal dialogue. That was about 5 to 6 years ago (although it was very challenging to cultivate initially, and I didn't do it without support).

    I used to think I couldn't be happier until my neuroticism was healed - I now realize and experience that's bullshit. I may be neurotic, and I sometimes go through challenging 'nights' dealing with my anxiety, but I'm generally a happy and optimistic guy.

    Another 'angle' at which I'm working is through bodily awareness therapy exercises, as taught by Peter Levine - his exercises have really shown me how to 'discharge' anxiety built up throughout the day. I've been doing it the past 6 months and it's been a life-saver for me.

    I'm hoping to do some somatic experiencing therapy, because I realize how beneficial the exercises have been for me, and 'talk therapy' doesn't do much for me. The only problem is therapy costs a bomb.

    Here's to self-help sloshed

    P.S. here's some vids I found simple and insightful...

    Self-love vs comparision
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS1IQlw8TGw

    Self-compassion
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjvYhd34fgc
    An alternative to religion;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nfXfTg92E

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWNW-NXEudk
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #275 - February 02, 2012, 02:18 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on February 02, 2012, 07:53 AM
    So I could visualise myself as this ball breaker bitch who never lets anything phase her or bring her down.  Harsh and unforgiving for self defence.  All because I am ashamed of being soft and forgiving and a general walk over sometimes.

    But other people tell me this is nothing to be ashamed of, so is this a trait I want to change?  should I be trying to visualise myself as the Iron Lady (who I want to be) or learning to accept who I am?


    of course you shouldn't ... imo, i think being soft and forgiving is a strength and not a weakness..its never something anyone should be "ashamed" of..

    but the technique i mentioned above works great for smaller things we let get in our way when they really shouldn't ... like someone being too self conscience , it begins to hinder them from actually enjoying themselves and their lives..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #276 - February 02, 2012, 05:39 PM
    Quote from: strangestdude on February 02, 2012, 11:13 AM
    self-hatred is... seductive


    I call it following Slaanesh.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #277 - February 02, 2012, 05:51 PM
    Quote from: nessrriinn on February 02, 2012, 02:18 PM
    of course you shouldn't ... imo, i think being soft and forgiving is a strength and not a weakness..its never something anyone should be "ashamed" of..



    Im going to opine something similar to this, its a strength in a way that can dispel an enmity from people including the ones who walked over you or treat you bad in any way unless they are complete stony-hearted which is a lunacy.

    Im only asserting this based on my experience of both being a victim and an offender.

    Being soft and forgiving is a strength.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #278 - February 02, 2012, 07:49 PM
    Quote from: Kodanshi on February 02, 2012, 05:39 PM
    I call it following Slaanesh.

    Excellent!
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #279 - February 04, 2012, 11:12 AM
    How the hell did I not notice you had Cultist–chan as your avatar?!
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #280 - February 04, 2012, 03:38 PM
    OTT

    @Kodanshi

    Are you into WH40k?
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #281 - February 04, 2012, 03:52 PM
    If I had access to a camera phone at the moment I’d post a pic of my Crimson Fists and Necrons!

  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #282 - February 04, 2012, 03:58 PM
    Crimson Fists? Is that a homoerotic reference?

    I am quite handy with Sisters (of Slaanesh).

    Do you play online as well?
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #283 - February 04, 2012, 04:04 PM
    No, it’s a violently aggressive sex act all Space Marines perform on menstruating Sisters of Battle. Those who keep their left fists red become Crimson Fists Grin. I don’t play online, alas.

    I do love Chaos, but have not collected any such miniatures. I love shouting terms praising the Ruinous Powers though!
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #284 - February 04, 2012, 05:16 PM
    Quote from: Kodanshi on February 04, 2012, 04:04 PM
    Those who manage to keep their left fists red attached to their limbs and avoid the fate of entering orbit without the aid of a shuttle. become Crimson Fists (i.e. - none) Grin.

    fix'd
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #285 - February 04, 2012, 06:12 PM
    i tried to get to know this girl

    she says she dont wanna go out with me coz i come across as someone who doesnt understand other people




    "The words that oscillate between nonsense and supreme meaning are the oldest and truest." - C.G. Jung
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #286 - February 04, 2012, 06:26 PM
    Tell her that she is making a snap judgement, and to give you a chance. If she doesn’t want to give you a chance, tell her she is close–minded and can go fuck gay lettuce instead!

    Either that or make yourself more like lettuce.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #287 - February 14, 2012, 12:38 PM
    okay, someone riddle me this. so i was at a party and met this girl. at first i thought she was just some girl i was dancing with and would probably not be interested in otherwise, but when we got talking i realized that she's really cool. it was a really intense talk about philosophy and depression and death. wow, i thought, she's very intense and eccentric, my type of girl.

    when she left, i decided to run after her. "do you mind if i walked with you?" "no, at at all." a few metres later, i had to get in a cab and told her i wanna see her again. "sure, add me on facebook." when i did, she accepted me pretty quickly. but when i tried talking to her, she completely ignored me.

    now i'm confused. all the signals seemed to indicate a green light, but she's not acting on it. what should i do? should i just forget about her? should i send her another message and tell her upfront that i want to see her again?
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #288 - February 14, 2012, 12:39 PM
    Quote from: Abood on February 14, 2012, 12:38 PM
    okay, someone riddle me this. so i was at a party and met this girl. at first i thought she was just some girl i was dancing with and would probably not be interested in otherwise, but when we got talking i realized that she's really cool. it was a really intense talk about philosophy and depression and death. wow, i thought, she's very intense and eccentric, my type of girl.

     Cheesy
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #289 - February 14, 2012, 12:48 PM
    Quote from: Abood on February 14, 2012, 12:38 PM
    okay, someone riddle me this. so i was at a party and met this girl. at first i thought she was just some girl i was dancing with and would probably not be interested in otherwise, but when we got talking i realized that she's really cool. it was a really intense talk about philosophy and depression and death. wow, i thought, she's very intense and eccentric, my type of girl.

    when she left, i decided to run after her. "do you mind if i walked with you?" "no, at at all." a few metres later, i had to get in a cab and told her i wanna see her again. "sure, add me on facebook." when i did, she accepted me pretty quickly. but when i tried talking to her, she completely ignored me.

    now i'm confused. all the signals seemed to indicate a green light, but she's not acting on it. what should i do? should i just forget about her? should i send her another message and tell her upfront that i want to see her again?


    I have danced with guys at clubs, I have had intense conversations with them, I have accepted their fb requests and at that stage it dies for me too since ultimately I had no interest in them beyond that one moment.  Or they seem lame on their fb, too blah and minus alcohol there is no similar connection to the night we met.  But then I am a difficult person.

    Getting a fb trade is not a green light really, it's just an avenue that can aid in getting to a green light but can also hinder it sometimes.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #290 - February 14, 2012, 12:53 PM
    Good thing i dont date chicks that are on my fb, maybe i will open an account where i post anything but then, that will be a tedious work.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #291 - February 14, 2012, 12:55 PM
    I wouldn't date a guy who had a fb where I wasn't on it.  I mean if he didn't have a fb fair enough, but if he had one and I wasn't on it?  then I won't be on his dick either. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #292 - February 14, 2012, 12:59 PM
    Grin

    I dont know i just dont like to overwhelm my potential dates with my semi-rants about politics or some mundane stuff. Unless we are really familiar
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #293 - February 14, 2012, 01:05 PM
    there was this one girl i met who was all over me till she found out i had never slept with a girl (back before i hadn't). then suddenly she lost all interest. Grin the exact same thing happened, i tried talking to her on facebook and she completely ignored me.

    i should probably delete all those girls off my facebook.

    i'm going to another party soon though and dragging my friend along as a wing(wo)man. cool2
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #294 - February 14, 2012, 01:07 PM
    Nah man, that is what makes a man interesting.

    Someones statuses are a sure sign of whether I would find them appealing or not.  That's why I say for me fb is a means to an end, the green light being the end.

    Like for one thing, I am put off by men who have too many female friends on fb who I know were added by the guy trawling through girls fb accounts, people they don't really know but just added cos they looked good.  It smacks of lecherous behaviour which I just .....well ick really.

    That's why I would add fb, to watch and see if this is someone I could be into.  The simpler the fb account, the less friends, the better.  Even better if all friends are personal friends, or have some reason other than "she looked good on her fb profile". 

    Fb = my preffered way of getting to know someone before getting to know them irl.

    I also rapidly lose interest in anyone who adds me on fb and wants to meet up irl almost as soon as possible.  Too off putting because I don't know you. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #295 - February 14, 2012, 01:10 PM
    Quote from: Abood on February 14, 2012, 01:05 PM
    there was this one girl i met who was all over me till she found out i had never slept with a girl (back before i hadn't). then suddenly she lost all interest. Grin the exact same thing happened, i tried talking to her on facebook and she completely ignored me.


    I never got that.  A man being a virgin wouldn't bother me, I think I find the whole 'breaking them in' thing far too appealing to be put off by that.  Grin

    Quote

    i should probably delete all those girls off my facebook.


    See point in above post, too many females for no real reason can be seriously off putting.  Not out of some commitment thing, or jealousy thing, more out of a "what is your real game here" thing and a "you're slightly too desperate for me".

    Not saying that's what happened here, but yea, if you have no reason to have all of those girls, maybe trim em off.

    Quote

    i'm going to another party soon though and dragging my friend along as a wing(wo)man. cool2



    Lol wing woman gets you bonus points when you are out I have heard.   cool2
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #296 - February 14, 2012, 01:20 PM
    Most of my female fb friends are my old high school or uni mates,old crushes,few exes whom i dated briefly and we become friends and online kaffirahs though there is one cutey that added me few weeks ago but i lost interest as soon as saw that she has over 4000 friends and they are mostly males who filled her wall daily.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #297 - April 01, 2012, 07:49 AM
    Relevant to the facebook discussion  Smiley

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyU4FeVdUa4
    An alternative to religion;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nfXfTg92E

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWNW-NXEudk
  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #298 - July 30, 2012, 01:16 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on January 22, 2012, 08:11 PM
    be funny.

    Be the one guy in the club who never tried to grope her.

    Be the one guy who had manners.

    You'd be surprised how many guys use this ^^ as there move.

    If you think I am hostile, my best friend is brutal.  and yet softened up for the 1 guy who didn't grope her.



    +1, can vouch for this, it works.

    Couple days ago I was at a store, where a salesgirl was standing in a tight area where I had to walk by her to get to the aisle I wanted. There was no one else around us, she probably expected to be groped by me (especially because of the area I live in, groping is very common) but I didn't, either on my way to the aisle or back. Now, whenever I go there, I see her looking at me.
    Quote from: King Tut on December 09, 2012, 06:28 PM
    Yeah an I am super ugly, I can't even beat my chest am too skinny and when I roaaar to attract women, they laugh at me, because it sounds like a girl screaming. I can't even attract any bitches!  Cry

  • Re: How to FAIL at picking up chicks
     Reply #299 - July 30, 2012, 12:46 PM
    I cannot believe BerberElla open such a thread about how a guy can successfully crush on her.... in a club.

    Four years ago I met this girl who came to the country to become a prostitute, well, she was brought in by her cousin sister. She was innocent and never experience sleeping with so many people before. I never touched here too, respect her as a human.

    Like a gentleman, I advice her to refrain from involving in prostitution because once she get into it, she will start becoming a drunkard, taking pills, etc. That is a life that even if she will earn much money, she will still be unhealthy, physically and emotionally.

    In response with that, she got  a crush on me instead. Thus, I avoided her and hope at that time she returned to her country and give up on becoming sexual worker.

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