Parenting

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Parenting
OP - February 15, 2012, 01:38 PM

There does not seem to be a general discussion slot, so I'm starting this here!

http://www.salon.com/2011/10/30/solving_americas_teen_sex_problem/singleton/

Quote
When 16-year-old Natalie first started dating her boyfriend, her mother did something that would mortify most American parents: She took her to the doctor’s office to get her contraceptives. Her mother wasn’t weirded out by the fact that her teen daughter was about to have sex — in fact, she fully supported it. She merely wanted to make sure that she was doing it safely, and responsibly. A couple of months later, when it finally happened, her parents were totally accepting. As her father put it, “sixteen is a beautiful age” to lose your virginity.

If that seems like an unfamiliar attitude toward sex and parenting, it might have something to do with the fact that Natalie’s parents aren’t American — they’re Dutch.

How many here have their parents acting like that?

Many op's here have some comment about issues with fathers. Is this because people here are a self selecting group who are troublemakers or is there a general issue that Islam does not actually help parents be parents, but instead gets people doing meaningless diversionary activities?

I was at a meeting in the Houses of Parliament a few years ago on fgm. An older woman stood up and praised fgm.

Are Islam and parenting oxymorons?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Parenting
Reply #1 - February 15, 2012, 02:40 PM

eh, I'm not sure what you are trying to imply here, that Islam does not teach parents to be parents because it doesn't follow these dutch examples who prepared her with birth control?

Because that seems to be a bit of a forced "islam is soooo bad" statement. Liking really digging the bottom of the barrel.

It might not teach people to act responsibily with contraception....but then that's hardly exclusive to muslim parents.

It might not teach children free thought etc, but I don't know that it doesn't teach a parent to be a parent just because it doesn't deal with contraceptive.

Your post is confusing.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: Parenting
Reply #2 - February 15, 2012, 02:59 PM

I think there is some form of impact, e.g being okay with having your son's penis cut I believe is a dehumanising impact of Islam both on the parents and the child. It is a dictate for all parents (as it is just a done not something that is thought about and if you don't think about something and just do it smacks of a lack of individualism), and it also demeans the child as it is not their choice and is dictated to them without any reversing of the situation possible. So basically as Islam leaves little room for personal choice on this, it reduces the teaching of children by their parents of possibilities instead giving a set of rules which have to be stuck to. As there is no room for the child to make their own decisions their is no room to prove themselves except by adhering to Islam which does not include premarital sex (and thus increases risks of STIs as parents won't have talked to their child about the risks associated with sex and then it leads to lack of responsibility in doing so).
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Re: Parenting
Reply #3 - February 15, 2012, 03:02 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on February 15, 2012, 02:40 PM
eh, I'm not sure what you are trying to imply here, that Islam does not teach parents to be parents because it doesn't follow these dutch examples who prepared her with birth control?

Because that seems to be a bit of a forced "islam is soooo bad" statement. Liking really digging the bottom of the barrel.

It might not teach people to act responsibily with contraception....but then that's hardly exclusive to muslim parents.

It might not teach children free thought etc, but I don't know that it doesn't teach a parent to be a parent just because it doesn't deal with contraceptive.

Your post is confusing.

It is confusing I agree but if you look at my post if you are only allowed to live by one set of rules and no other that reduces conversation down to a dictatorship 'you will do that' instead of a discussion 'I would prefer this, but I know you are your own person so may have a different view, here are the options to keep yourself safe. If you fall down it is your own funeral but I will be here as a shoulder to cry on and won't say I told you so'.
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Re: Parenting
Reply #4 - February 15, 2012, 03:04 PM

That said it is not restricted to Islam, it applies to many other dictatorship-like dogmas and beliefs, Political or otherwise.
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Re: Parenting
Reply #5 - February 15, 2012, 03:24 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on February 15, 2012, 02:59 PM
I think there is some form of impact, e.g being okay with having your son's penis cut I believe is a dehumanising impact of Islam both on the parents and the child. It is a dictate for all parents (as it is just a done not something that is thought about and if you don't think about something and just do it smacks of a lack of individualism), and it also demeans the child as it is not their choice and is dictated to them without any reversing of the situation possible. So basically as Islam leaves little room for personal choice on this, it reduces the teaching of children by their parents of possibilities instead giving a set of rules which have to be stuck to. As there is no room for the child to make their own decisions their is no room to prove themselves except by adhering to Islam which does not include premarital sex (and thus increases risks of STIs as parents won't have talked to their child about the risks associated with sex and then it leads to lack of responsibility in doing so).

Yea, see now this is clear and I agree.

I hadn't lined it up with the dictatorship line you have used to explain it with.

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Re: Parenting
Reply #6 - February 15, 2012, 03:37 PM

For example I had to teach my ex-Muslim BF that during a period there is blood and a huge amount on sex.
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Re: Parenting
Reply #7 - February 16, 2012, 11:13 AM

Anybody elses thoughts?
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Re: Parenting
Reply #8 - February 18, 2012, 05:01 PM

Some basics - how common is smacking or physical punishment?

How often are matters resolved by discussing in comparison to telling? Is there much shouting and using emotion?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Parenting
Reply #9 - February 18, 2012, 05:09 PM

Quote
A new analysis of two decade’s worth of research, published in the Canadian Medical Associate Journal, seems to confirm what many parents have believed for years: spanking doesn’t work. Sure, it can be helpful in curbing short-term behavior issues, but in the long run, it doesn’t do a child any favors. There’s a reason corporeal punishment isn’t routine in schools anymore – why is it any different when a parent is dealing with their own child?

Research has shown that kids who are physically punished by their parents actually become more aggressive over time, according to Joan Durrant, a child psychologist and professor of family social sciences at the University of Manitoba. Not only that, but in an interview with Time magazine, she pointed out that “those who are not physically punished get less aggressive over time.”

More than 80 different studies were reviewed for the analysis, and none have found positive long-term outcomes for children who are spanked. It can degrade relationships between parents and children, says Durrant. The Time article goes on to outline a whole host of long-term issues caused by spanking:

Children who are spanked may feel depressed and devalued, and their sense of self-worth can suffer. Harsh punishments can wind up backfiring because they can foster lying in children who are desperate to avoid being spanked. Later in life, physical punishment is linked to mental-health problems including depression, anxiety and drug and alcohol use.

There’s neuroimaging evidence that physical punishment may alter parts of the brain involved in performance on IQ tests and up the likelihood of substance abuse. And there’s also early data that spanking could affect areas of the brain involved in emotion and stress regulation.

So, given the research, why do so many parents – some studies estimate up to 90% of parents – still spank their children? It turns out there are a host of reasons. Parents may believe it’s appropriate because they were spanked as children and “turned out fine.”

They may not even know where to start in punishing a child without resorting to spanking – there aren’t a lot of resources easily available to educate parents on appropriate methods of discipline. Parents may also simply dig in their heels, frustrated by the idea that someone else is trying to tell them how to raise their child.

The research, however, is clear: it’s not about tradition or allowing parents autonomy in child-rearing decisions.

Ultimately, it’s about parents being able to foster a closer, more trusting bond with their children long-term – without children feeling the need to lie or sneak behind their parents’ backs to avoid punishment. And it’s about equipping kids with the tools they need to learn how to peacefully handle conflict in the adult world. And isn’t that ultimately what all parents should strive for?

http://www.care2.com/causes/study-shows-spanking-just-doesnt-work.html

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Parenting
Reply #10 - February 22, 2012, 02:41 PM

Cool line..

: stealing :

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Parenting
Reply #11 - April 19, 2015, 01:24 PM

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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Reply #12 - April 19, 2015, 01:53 PM

Personally, almost everything that was served as "Islamic parenting" was rejected by me (as a Muslim parent). The few poinits I adopted into my parenting are such general issues I would hardly define as exclusevily "Islamic", so much so that now as an educated non-believer who values academics and science, I have barely changed anything in my parenting style or the values and ideas I try to instill in my child. I had my own experience and childhood, as well as everything I had learned when reading up on child psychology and development when I knew I expected, to base my foundation how I want to raise my kid. So far, she turned out awesome in every way, and I have never raised my hand against her nor used any other methods usually connected to "authoritarian parenting" (which is the style closest to "Islamic parenting").

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Reply #13 - April 19, 2015, 07:19 PM

I'm a very laid back parent, with no rules, but it seems to be working out fine, my kids have a lot of respect for me despite being so cool about parenting, they tend to do what ever i say with no hassle or dramas (apart from cleaning).
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