The Tortoise - an appreciation of Hamza Tzortzis
OP - May 09, 2013, 01:41 PM
Hello everyone!
The recent Tzortzis - Krauss debate inspired me to write a short poem. I hope you like it (and apologise in advance for the fruity language). I call it...
The Tortoise
I am the TORTOISE!!
I’m the dawah to make your momma blubber
And make you heathen turn to flubber.
I got dis-course, that’ll make you fucking cry
Make atheists run to foxholes, blood gushing from they eyes.
When I walk I walk slowww, like a zombie on the feed,
Try debating me, gonna make you bleed taw-heed.
Your Hitchings and your Dawkings, you fucks is running scared
Your Stephen fucking Hawkings, the kafir in the chair.
Hamza make you see the light, Al-lah’s to be feared
Before I fucking wipe yo’ ass wit’ my black Wahhabi beard.
Yeah.
You can come at me wit’ your “science” and your “knowledge” and your “facts”
But you got no foundation bitch, y’see I’m still intact?
My shell is bulletproof yo’, you see me fucking cut?
I’m the meta-fucking-physician, I heal before you start…
…yo’ tedious Fox News narrative, you don’t know no shit ‘bout me,
You think we came from monkeys swinging round on fucking trees
You see now…
Its your false pre-suppositions that fucking fuck you up.
You ain’t got no idea man, your thought processes suck,
Your atheistic clichés, they don’t mean no shit to me.
I use de-duction, yeaaah – who cares what it means?
My morality is just and ab-sol-ute like Al-lah,
Your epistemology? Bitch, thain’t even worth a di-nar!
And that ain’t much.
My martial arts training means tha’ I can maim wit’ every blow,
But I don’t like no violence, man, that ain’t the way I roll.
Nu-anced discussion, I’m an intellect-ual master,
You gonna fall to your knees yeah, gonna per-form your shahada.
I will slam you with Islam, ram some deen into your spleen.
And come the time, yo’ throat be hoarse from shouting yo’ takbirs.
I’ll dropkick your sophistry, stabbing Allah through your heart,
Gonna make you do your ghusl, gonna make you pay zakat!
Your western society, is turning into shit and piss,
Don’t you know only sharia can cure you of your ills?
Rapes and murders, blas-phemy, that shit its gotta go,
Instead be un-reported, sheeyit my medi-cine is pure.
Lives wit’ no fucking meaning, your lives ain't got no purpose,
That’s coming at you direct from the Mutant Ninja Hero Tortoise.
Tortoise!
Huh? What’s that…?
Yeaah
Bitch you need some praxis, every man has gotta dream,
So come on Global Ummah, where’s your fucking deen?
You should be pounding street y’all, holy book in people’s face,
Door-stepping kuffar scientists, telling them their fucking fate.
It’s our Islamic duty to convert the jahil world,
And I know its hard bros, just like feeding pigs some pearls.
Yeah its hard, bitch
Someone give me a muthafucking takbir…
And you physicists wit’ “empiricism”, you know that don’t fucking work,
My deductive theories bro, they blow you off this Planet Earth.
Your Big Bang cosmology ain’t no patch on God’s divinity,
I forgot more than you know ‘bout quantifiable infinity.
So spew at me wit’ your “quantum”, your “strings” and “Hamiltonians”,
Bitch can’t you see, you’re messing wit’ the wrong fuck-ing chelonian?
Oh yeah.
And you philosopher fucks, try-ing to teach me what to know,
Mus-lims invented philosophy, so take that, you fucking hos!
I’ll spin you round in circles, make you fold like origami,
And yeah I’m fucking Greek but I look like a Pakistani.
You think you using logic but you so con-fucking-trary,
I’m using my thesaurus, shit I don’t use no diction-ary.
I strike at you wit’ jargon gonna make you weep and beg,
My words straight from my main man, Bill Lane fucking Craig
Respect to the theologicians!
And what about apostates, you think they gonna front?
Bunch of spineless Zionists, ungrateful little cunts,
Allah has a plan for you, you gonna burn for sure,
While you’re here, we behead you, and be crying out for more.
Decapitation’s painless anyway, why you whining like a ho?
I feel more pain taking a shit, don’t you even know the score?
And homos and women, don’t think you’re off the fucking hook,
Repent your ways, know your place, READ THE FUCKING BOOK!
You think sodomy’s ok, just because you fucking gay?
Astaghfirullah rabbi wa atubu ilaih!
I separate the women, femi-nists they give me flak,
But it ain’t no thing, just ask my wife, she sitting at the back!
So women, don’t come crying cos you squint to see me holler,
Listen to me, I’m male, I’m wiser, the fuck-ing bitch pimp mullah!
So now you know, you know you oughtta keep away from me,
Cos Hamza gonna school you, he the T-O-R…
…T-O-I-S-E!!
Topic: The Tortoise - an appreciation of Hamza Tzortzis