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 Topic: Overbearing parents bordering on creepy

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  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     OP - November 24, 2013, 06:18 PM
    I'm not a parent, but its about parenting.

    Though it might be strange I have always been slightly grateful for the neglect I experienced as a teenager, and today was even more so. Why you ask?

    Well what I have discovered about my half brother and sisters upbringing, has got me being thankful I didn't live with my stepmother. My half siblings have always been quite childish for their age, and I always found it strange, that when I was the same age I was very different. I was aware that my little brother was fed by my dad otherwise he won't eat, up until the age of 12, I thought the reason was because he was always distracted by his gaming consoles, but no, its because that's how his mum feeds him at home and he actually wouldn't get round to doing it if he wasn't fed. He's now 13 and my half sister is 16 they aren't allowed to walk to school themselves, they aren't allowed to go to the shops themselves, and not allowed a key etc. My dad would sneakily let my brother do these things himself when he comes to visit on the weekend to try and teach him to grow up, but my sister doesn't usually come. So I thought ok, a little overbearing, but then the extremely creepy part... they both have to be monitored in the shower by their mother, yes the 13 year old AND the 16 year old. Their babyish behaviour now makes sense, but i'm rather creeped out about the lack of privacy. My ex stepmother uses the 16 year old girl almost like those parents that try to live through their children, she has thick hair so she makes her keep it long, she takes care of her hair for her and won't let her do anything to it herself, to the point where she washes it for her in the shower. Like WTF! By that age, if you want long hair, learn to take care of it yourself, you're fucking 16!! I know that south Asian parents can be a bit overbearing, but is this normal? Am I just judging this by my own western perceptions?

    "Make anyone believe their own knowledge and logic is insufficient and you'll have a puppet susceptible to manipulation."
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #1 - November 24, 2013, 06:23 PM
    Sooooooo.

    The stepmother WATCHES her 13 year old AND 16 year old have a shower.

    That is BEYOND creepy and no doubt the children will grow up traumatised by this once they learn that this is not the way normal people act.

    Asian parents want to take TOO much control of their childrens lives.

    Wow! Imagine if someone was watching you in the shower.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #2 - November 24, 2013, 06:33 PM
    I'm hoping its just watching, she ensures they are washing properly :S although I know she washes the girls hair for her, because I assume its her pride and joy.

    I'm just imagining how traumatizing and embarrassing it must be when your going through puberty and someone is watching you naked, I know I felt really shy about the changes that were happening. Surely there's a boundary as a parent when you know, ok their body is changing they're not a child anymore, take a step back.
    "Make anyone believe their own knowledge and logic is insufficient and you'll have a puppet susceptible to manipulation."
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #3 - November 24, 2013, 07:18 PM
    Quote from: Jibbs on November 24, 2013, 06:18 PM
    I'm not a parent, but its about parenting.

    Though it might be strange I have always been slightly grateful for the neglect I experienced as a teenager, and today was even more so. Why you ask?

    Well what I have discovered about my half brother and sisters upbringing, has got me being thankful I didn't live with my stepmother. My half siblings have always been quite childish for their age, and I always found it strange, that when I was the same age I was very different. I was aware that my little brother was fed by my dad otherwise he won't eat, up until the age of 12, I thought the reason was because he was always distracted by his gaming consoles, but no, its because that's how his mum feeds him at home and he actually wouldn't get round to doing it if he wasn't fed. He's now 13 and my half sister is 16 they aren't allowed to walk to school themselves, they aren't allowed to go to the shops themselves, and not allowed a key etc. My dad would sneakily let my brother do these things himself when he comes to visit on the weekend to try and teach him to grow up, but my sister doesn't usually come. So I thought ok, a little overbearing, but then the extremely creepy part... they both have to be monitored in the shower by their mother, yes the 13 year old AND the 16 year old. Their babyish behaviour now makes sense, but i'm rather creeped out about the lack of privacy. My ex stepmother uses the 16 year old girl almost like those parents that try to live through their children, she has thick hair so she makes her keep it long, she takes care of her hair for her and won't let her do anything to it herself, to the point where she washes it for her in the shower. Like WTF! By that age, if you want long hair, learn to take care of it yourself, you're fucking 16!! I know that south Asian parents can be a bit overbearing, but is this normal? Am I just judging this by my own western perceptions?




    That is insanity. My children are very small, and I make it a point to have them wait, to tell them I cannot help them, and etc. So they can figure it out for themselves and gain a little pride with their self sufficiency. I have a tendency to do too much for them, so I am vigilant.
    Your siblings are being abused, their personal growth sadly neglected. I am very, very sorry for them.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #4 - November 24, 2013, 08:24 PM
    They will probably grow up developing a mental disorder...
    And this is absolutely not normal!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #5 - November 24, 2013, 09:55 PM
    Poor chap. He wont be able to masturbate in peace.

    Serious point as we are dicovering our bodies and their functions at this time.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #6 - November 24, 2013, 10:15 PM
    Do people actually realise how painful sperm build-up is? He'll end up curled in the foetal position in agony contemplating self castration just to make the pain stop.

    I also find it has a serious effect on you, your hormones are in overdrive and it's like you're a walking hard on.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #7 - November 24, 2013, 10:18 PM
    You still like that Quod?  Wink

    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #8 - November 24, 2013, 10:20 PM
    No, I get daily release Wink
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #9 - November 24, 2013, 10:21 PM
     Cheesy

    Sorry Jibbs. Back on topic.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #10 - November 24, 2013, 10:58 PM
    Quote from: Jibbs on November 24, 2013, 06:18 PM
    I'm not a parent, but its about parenting.

    Though it might be strange I have always been slightly grateful for the neglect I experienced as a teenager, and today was even more so. Why you ask?

    Well what I have discovered about my half brother and sisters upbringing, has got me being thankful I didn't live with my stepmother. My half siblings have always been quite childish for their age, and I always found it strange, that when I was the same age I was very different. I was aware that my little brother was fed by my dad otherwise he won't eat, up until the age of 12, I thought the reason was because he was always distracted by his gaming consoles, but no, its because that's how his mum feeds him at home and he actually wouldn't get round to doing it if he wasn't fed. He's now 13 and my half sister is 16 they aren't allowed to walk to school themselves, they aren't allowed to go to the shops themselves, and not allowed a key etc. My dad would sneakily let my brother do these things himself when he comes to visit on the weekend to try and teach him to grow up, but my sister doesn't usually come. So I thought ok, a little overbearing, but then the extremely creepy part... they both have to be monitored in the shower by their mother, yes the 13 year old AND the 16 year old. Their babyish behaviour now makes sense, but i'm rather creeped out about the lack of privacy. My ex stepmother uses the 16 year old girl almost like those parents that try to live through their children, she has thick hair so she makes her keep it long, she takes care of her hair for her and won't let her do anything to it herself, to the point where she washes it for her in the shower. Like WTF! By that age, if you want long hair, learn to take care of it yourself, you're fucking 16!! I know that south Asian parents can be a bit overbearing, but is this normal? Am I just judging this by my own western perceptions?




    Where are you living? If in a developed country call social services, that is wrong!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #11 - November 24, 2013, 11:00 PM
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    She's from another planet, but the people she's talking about are from the UK.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #12 - November 24, 2013, 11:14 PM
    Did your siblings become functional adults? Are they still attached to their mother's apron? I know the early years as an adult are tough between school, work, finances and living away from home. I am just wondering if given their years as adolescences with that kind of parenting it hindered their development. I was ready to live on my own by 16, did so at 18.

    To me parenting, besides the love and stuff, is about teaching a child enough so they are prepared to become an adult not just in age but also mentally. Although my views could be completely cultural or just views within my family. Be ready to live on your own by 18 as the moment you become a couch potato with no job you are outta here!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #13 - November 24, 2013, 11:36 PM
    It is a very creepy thing.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #14 - November 25, 2013, 06:32 PM
    Quote from: Jedi on November 24, 2013, 11:00 PM
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    She's from another planet, but the people she's talking about are from the UK.


    Lol Jedi

    Quote from: bogart on November 24, 2013, 11:14 PM
    Did your siblings become functional adults? Are they still attached to their mother's apron? I know the early years as an adult are tough between school, work, finances and living away from home. I am just wondering if given their years as adolescences with that kind of parenting it hindered their development. I was ready to live on my own by 16, did so at 18.

    To me parenting, besides the love and stuff, is about teaching a child enough so they are prepared to become an adult not just in age but also mentally. Although my views could be completely cultural or just views within my family. Be ready to live on your own by 18 as the moment you become a couch potato with no job you are outta here!


    They are still of that age, I was just really creeped out when I heard she showers them , I was like what the fuck?! For me personally no one was around a lot of the time so I had to learn to do shit myself, I moved out at 18 for uni but because of financial circumstances and lack of job I went back to living with parents. But I think that's a western mentality, like in my mums mind, i'm a bit old to be living at home, I should of been gone by 18, which is the view I have. Many ppl from the east don't see a point in leaving until your married and even then you don't leave. I've been living with my dad for a year and a bit and i'm getting worried that i'll never get to leave lol, I think he has that cultural view that you leave when your married. I've always thought that was a bit excessive but why a parent wouldn't give their teenage developing child their own privacy and responsibility to wash and feed themselves. Surely a child can wash themselves without supervision by about 7 or 8, no?
    "Make anyone believe their own knowledge and logic is insufficient and you'll have a puppet susceptible to manipulation."
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #15 - November 25, 2013, 06:36 PM
    Quote from: Lilyesque on November 24, 2013, 10:58 PM
    Where are you living? If in a developed country call social services, that is wrong!


    In the UK, does it depend on the culture whether it is acceptable or not? Do you think its abuse rather than overt overbearing parenting? Its a bit complicated to call social services, my childhood was a bit complicated with the whole social services involvement its all a bit sensitive, it wouldn't be that easy to go and report her.
    "Make anyone believe their own knowledge and logic is insufficient and you'll have a puppet susceptible to manipulation."
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #16 - November 25, 2013, 06:44 PM
    Quote from: Jibbs on November 25, 2013, 06:36 PM
    In the UK, does it depend on the culture whether it is acceptable or not? Do you think its abuse rather than overt overbearing parenting? Its a bit complicated to call social services, my childhood was a bit complicated with the whole social services involvement its all a bit sensitive, it wouldn't be that easy to go and report her.


    From what I know (although shouldn't be the case) they may be more lenient on those from minority cultures. I would say that especially in the 16 yr old's case it is abuse, it is not allowing them to grow slowly into independent adults, instead imprisoning them in the life of an under 8 year old. Overt overbearing parenting in my opinion is child abuse and it is only one step from that to honour based mental intimidation and violence. I understand where you are coming from in terms of the relationship you have with social services however, so I wouldn't blame you if you did not act. Good luck!
  • Overbearing parents bordering on creepy
     Reply #17 - November 26, 2013, 09:44 AM
    Talk to NSPCC completely confidentially if you don't want to go to Social Services.  Would some women's aid be more appropriate?
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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