I think he's on a religious high since returning to Sunni Islam, he says things like his imaan is increasing and sweetly asks that I teach our children to read Qur'an. Now that he's back, I think he feels that he can start spending time at the masjid again and has been going for isha some days, and is praying here and there at home.
Usually his attempts at adhering to practices fall short and he abandons the prayer rug eventually... This time around I feel so heavy and afraid, I need to tell him what is going on, but I'm a coward. I am so afraid of ending my marriage.
I wouldn't necessarily agree that you'd be taking him for a ride or otherwise deceiving him by waiting until a good time to tell him. It's not like you lied to him when you got married and said you were a Muslim when you weren't. But people are dynamic, people change, even in marriages, and by changing your views you haven't done anything wrong. But you do recognize that you're in a particularly tough situation where that might mean the end of your relationship.
Now, yes, like I've said before, and like I've done myself, if you take it slow and bide your time, you can break your apostasy easily to him and during a time when he's at a good place to accept it. However, at this point, considering your recent update, I do want to make sure it is really clear that you've done nothing wrong: you still accept him no matter what, you still love him, you're holding up your end of the marital bargain. It shouldn't be on you to groom him to do the same. It should be a given that he'd be willing to return your devotion, that's his job as your husband. If he doesn't love you enough to stick around despite the apostasy, even though you love him, it might be for the best, he might not be the right one for you to call your partner.
You seem somewhat taken aback by his recent push to be more religious, and he seems to be backing out of the way you agreed to raise your hypothetical children, and you need to also know for yourself if, realistically, five years from now, ten years from now, you're going to still be okay with this. Are you always going to be giving him more and more slack and surrendering more of what you want to satisfy him, or will you be able to stand firm and claim your equal control in the relationship and in the rearing of your children if you so choose? Do you think he'd be able to withstand compromising like that, himself? With marriages where there is any significant disagreement on ideologies, this can be a huge issue, and it's much harder when one party thinks there's literally heaven and hell for him and his family riding on him getting his way.
If my husband suddenly went back to Sunni Islam and threw everything that he's learned and discovered in the last year out the window, I know I'd be too shaken up to continue with him. Some people like to pretend that it can't happen, but I've known too many women who had their husbands suddenly become super religious later in life, and the women were the ones who suffered for it. Even women who still considered themselves Muslim sometimes found their marriage suddenly intolerable, but, like you, didn't want to leave the husband, or didn't want to risk losing their kids. And a few I've known have lost their kids, anyway.
Jedi will be quick to say that these marriages can still work out and everything will go swimmingly, and that's true, they
can, but you have to be comfortable and honest and sure, and he has to be comfortable and honest and sure, and you both have to be predictable to some degree and willing to compromise and honor the compromises you do make. Your recent update has me a little worried that this might not be the case, after all.
Either way, you'll know what to do best. Good luck!
Topic: First comes love, then comes marriage...