Sex

Previous page 1 2« Previous thread | Next thread »
- Cornflower
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #30 - September 11, 2014, 06:43 PM

Our personality is shaped by the environment we grow up in, not entirely but at large. If you grew up in a family/society where sex was shameful or "not pure" or whatever, this will shape your "personality" and outlook on sex. The same goes for your experience (especially your early on experiences) with sexuality and sex. Not all people like to have sex the same amount, not all people feel the need to. There is a very tiny minority that even labels themselves as asexual. That's fine. But there really isn't something "intuitively" or intrinsically wrong or impure about sex. Hadn't it been for our natural sex drive, humanity would've died out a long time ago.

But I get from where this is coming. I grew up with a culture where the majority society's (the country where I grew up in) outlook on sex and sexuality was frowned upon, sex and sexuality (especially female sexuality) was something shameful. So I ended up with this twisted idea that I had to "keep" my virginity. I had to "protect it". As if it was worth something. It isn't worth anything, really. Except if you "sell" it, then you can get hundred and thousands of dollars for it ...

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #31 - September 11, 2014, 06:46 PM

Was this in Sweden?

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- Cornflower
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #32 - September 11, 2014, 06:48 PM

What was in Sweden?

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #33 - September 11, 2014, 06:49 PM

Quote from: Cornflower on September 11, 2014, 06:43 PM
I grew up with a culture where the majority society's (the country where I grew up in) outlook on sex and sexuality was frowned upon, sex and sexuality (especially female sexuality) was something shameful. So I ended up with this twisted idea that I had to "keep" my virginity. I had to "protect it".

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- Cornflower
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #34 - September 11, 2014, 07:08 PM

I grew up with a culture (the culture of my parents, and my mother's own weird and conservative values, which have for the record changed throughout the years), in another culture (the culture in the country where I was born). You get it now?

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- toor
- Administrator
- offline
Sex
Reply #35 - September 11, 2014, 07:45 PM

Speaking of religion and sex...

Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #36 - September 11, 2014, 08:01 PM

I remember a few years ago coming across christian domestic discipline. It's basically the same thing except one group doesn't justify it with religion, the other does.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #37 - September 11, 2014, 08:03 PM

Quote from: Cornflower on September 11, 2014, 07:08 PM
I grew up with a culture (the culture of my parents, and my mother's own weird and conservative values, which have for the record changed throughout the years), in another culture (the culture in the country where I was born). You get it now?

I get it, I was just a little surprised as I would assume wider Swedish society would of had an impact that would perhaps dilute the your mother's/family's cultural baggage at least a little bit.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- suki
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #38 - September 11, 2014, 10:25 PM

^i just noticed that all my girls were born with different personality traits that have'nt really changed that much since birth : ) doesn't the personality begin to develop in the womb or perhaps it is genetic ? I was born really shy, my mum said i used to crawl behind the sofa when guests came to visit, how tragic lol, i'm still pretty shy :/

x
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #39 - September 11, 2014, 10:26 PM

I always thought it was neurology.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- David
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #40 - September 11, 2014, 10:46 PM

Quote from: toor on September 11, 2014, 07:45 PM
Speaking of religion and sex...

Rise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv0efmUKP9s
- suki
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #41 - September 11, 2014, 10:55 PM

Hey Quod, i dunno, my eldest daughter was hyperactive in my tummy she would kick my insides to death lol all day lonnng, she could walk and talk before one years age, she continued to be super hyperactive after the birth to this day and has a zest for life, the next daughter was and is very lazy and i don't recall any movement from her, she was just a lazy blob as a baby and flopped around lol, she's got a super laid back personality now and stays in bed alll day : ) with my limited intelligence i noticed that they seemed to be born with a personality, i think life experience shapes your behavior rather than personality, if i make any sense : ) anyway i've gone off topic

x
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #42 - September 11, 2014, 10:59 PM

I've always wondered myself if the baseline of a personality is something we're born with rather than something that develops. It's the old nature vs nurture debate.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- three
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #43 - September 12, 2014, 12:22 AM

I have one kid with ADHD and I could tell before he was born. I have talked to other mothers and they have the same experience. He seriously has it worse than any kid I have ever seen, continuous motion, dawn to dusk, until he falls asleep suddenly in the middle of some activity.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- Villiage_Idiot
- Member
- offline
Sex
Reply #44 - September 12, 2014, 05:18 AM

Quote
[Cornflower]I find it interesting that you say that you "intuitively" find celibacy to be better. How would humanity survive and continue without sex and procreation. So how do you define "intuition"? What is that? It seems to me, that your "intuition" is not "intuition", but your upbringing and culture, and the faith/ideology that has shaped you throughout your life. That is not intuition. That is socialization.

I used to take this as evidence that the teachings were true. I would reason: If celibacy is not natural human nature (and how can it be, since it would wipe out our species), then isn't this deep feeling that celibacy is better evidence that there is more to human beings than the Darwinian struggle for species survival? Why would I have the deep feeling celibacy is better if it ran counter to Darwinian survival, unless Darwinian survival isn't the truth?

The misspelling in my name is intentional, because I'm an idiot and I can't spell properly. But I'd probably also say that even if it was a mistake. Does that clear things up?
- Cornflower
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #45 - September 12, 2014, 06:03 AM

^ because you've been told directly and indirectly that it is so troughout your life. You grew up in a culture shaped by these ideas. There is really nothing"natural" or "intuitive" about it.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- bogart
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #46 - September 12, 2014, 07:02 AM

Quote from: three on September 12, 2014, 12:22 AM
I have one kid with ADHD and I could tell before he was born. I have talked to other mothers and they have the same experience. He seriously has it worse than any kid I have ever seen, continuous motion, dawn to dusk, until he falls asleep suddenly in the middle of some activity.

Hard to admit but I was diagnosed with both ADD and ADHD when I was young. Although this was based on my disruptive actions in school. I would learn quickly and often became bored when the lesson plans were repeated or covered the same topic for a week or more. I would finish work ahead of the class, work on assignments in class rather than listening to lectures and just annoy the teacher when I was restrict to the pace of the class. After the diagnosis I asked for an IQ test and comprehension analysis. The results were positive. I was moved into more advanced classes while allowed me form my own schedule. I completed grade 9 in 2 months comprised of 2 hours of school per day. The rest I did at home on my own teaching myself using textbooks and examine books. So if your son develops an interest in a subject like math, general sciences, social studies, etc, embrace it. The best solution to ADD and ADHD is not drugs, I never took a single pill. It is about finding out what interests your son and supporting the interest as much as possible. When you have identified an interest you will see the complete opposition in symptoms. He will focus on the subject like a hawk for long periods of time, longer than the average person at times as per my experience. Work with ADD and ADHD, not against it.
- Villiage_Idiot
- Member
- offline
Sex
Reply #47 - September 12, 2014, 07:39 AM

Quote
[Quod Sum Eris]Feelings by themselves can sometimes be destructive. Love can be just as destructive as hate. Obsession can be as destructive as apathy. It depends how we go about it. But transcending emotions is something I have no interest in. What connects us to life is the simple truth that we are part of it. We live, we grow, we change, we want. If we could live without desire we would undoubtedly know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuddered and dank. No love. No hate. No joy. No sorrow. No laughter. No tears. This is not a life I would wish for. The fundamental truth of the matter is that it's our desires that make us human. Without passion, without desire, we may as well be dead.

Love this! Especially the part in bold.

I was extremely angry with someone once, and another person told me "Calm down, don't let them get you angry." I thought "Nope. I'ts my hate, and no one's going to take it away from me."

Anger might be an uncomfortable emotion. Some might call it a negative one. It's still a part of the human experience though, and
as you said, without passion, we may as well be dead.

The misspelling in my name is intentional, because I'm an idiot and I can't spell properly. But I'd probably also say that even if it was a mistake. Does that clear things up?
- three
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Sex
Reply #48 - September 13, 2014, 03:25 PM

Quote from: bogart on September 12, 2014, 07:02 AM
Hard to admit but I was diagnosed with both ADD and ADHD when I was young. Although this was based on my disruptive actions in school. I would learn quickly and often became bored when the lesson plans were repeated or covered the same topic for a week or more. I would finish work ahead of the class, work on assignments in class rather than listening to lectures and just annoy the teacher when I was restrict to the pace of the class. After the diagnosis I asked for an IQ test and comprehension analysis. The results were positive. I was moved into more advanced classes while allowed me form my own schedule. I completed grade 9 in 2 months comprised of 2 hours of school per day. The rest I did at home on my own teaching myself using textbooks and examine books. So if your son develops an interest in a subject like math, general sciences, social studies, etc, embrace it. The best solution to ADD and ADHD is not drugs, I never took a single pill. It is about finding out what interests your son and supporting the interest as much as possible. When you have identified an interest you will see the complete opposition in symptoms. He will focus on the subject like a hawk for long periods of time, longer than the average person at times as per my experience. Work with ADD and ADHD, not against it.

I wish I didn't have to medicate him, but combining his ADHD with his other issues means he needs it, for his own protection and the welfare of everyone around him.
That said, I do encourage his interests as best I can. Currently he is into field guides. Flowers more than trees.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- Nihal
- Member
- offline
Sex
Reply #49 - September 13, 2014, 06:50 PM

Quote from: Villiage_Idiot on September 11, 2014, 11:41 AM
Not just that. On one hand, I feel a certain "specialness" about people who can refrain from sex, after years of being told that celibacy is the most moral path. I try to tell myself there's no difference between people who have sex and those who don't. But something deep inside of me doesn't feel it. If I'm honest, I have this intuiative feeling that celibates are somehow better.

I know intuition isn't necessarily the truth. But it's like the fear of Hell that I see spoken about on this forum. The feeling just doesn't go away.

I have the same problem.
When I feel pleasure I can't think about anything..
And after I feel just guilty and I have a sense of dissatisfaction..

Every Morning We Are Born Again.
What We Do Today Is What Matters Most.
- Jibbs
- Member
- Hungry Hippo
- offline
Sex
Reply #50 - September 13, 2014, 08:21 PM

I have developed guilt issues with sex and relationships because of previous partners and their views of things. So quite a few years of celibacy now, I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, I feel frustrated for missing out wasting years but I know I'd feel guilty if I did it. Kind of confusing.

"Make anyone believe their own knowledge and logic is insufficient and you'll have a puppet susceptible to manipulation."
- Villiage_Idiot
- Member
- offline
Sex
Reply #51 - September 14, 2014, 01:06 AM

Quote from: Jibbs
I have developed guilt issues with sex and relationships because of previous partners and their views of things. So quite a few years of celibacy now, I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, I feel frustrated for missing out wasting years but I know I'd feel guilty if I did it. Kind of confusing.

I feel your frustration. This is how I feel about masturbation. It also doesn't help that my fantasies are rather verging on the hardcore type. After sex or masturbation, I feel like shit.

The misspelling in my name is intentional, because I'm an idiot and I can't spell properly. But I'd probably also say that even if it was a mistake. Does that clear things up?
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Sex
Reply #52 - September 14, 2014, 01:26 AM

Question for women. Is there a female equivalent of blue balls?

Quote
Blue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles accompanied by testicular pain, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male. The term is thought to have originated in the United States, first appearing in 1916. Some urologists call the condition "epididymal hypertension". The condition is not experienced by all males.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls

Whether through sex or masturbation, if I don't ejaculate on a regular basis, as well as being in pain to the point I'm curled up in the foetal position and contemplating castrating myself just to make it stop, I find it also has a psychological effect on me. The best way to put it is that it makes me prefatory. Not by any means violent, but there is a very real "on the hunt" mentality that I don't have with regular ejaculation. I also very much doubt that most of my platonic friendships with women would exist, which is a very sad thought.

It's no surprise that so many devout men from religious backgrounds always seem to be walking hard-ons.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
Previous page 1 2« Previous thread | Next thread »