And how does the concept of a benevolent god relieves you, if you can't be sure?
Then why make this statement in the first place, if you cant be sure? What if it is?
Continue thinking about it, I'm sure you can find out, if you put enough energy.
You're contradicting yourself. All throughout the times people have defined their own personal god as per their ideology and understanding of the world, which you seem to unconsciously be doing. I'm not saying you believe in a personal god, but at the very least you have attributes that you go far as to consider an insult to any actual god figure(regardless of whether or not the god takes offense). Even when people had the personal gods of those with power shoved down their throats they'd always manage to find a picture of their own god in it(i.e. different interpretations of the Qur'an). I'd say pretty convincingly that a large amount of apostates left Islam not due to fallacies in the Qur'an and the such but due to finding features of Allah(or Yahweh, JC, w/e) that made their picture of god -that they painted with their knowledge and own personality- impossible to maintain within that religion. I, for one, was only able to seriously consider the amount of flaws within the Qur'an and hadiths after first finding within them things that I could never agree with, no matter the evidence. Simply put, even if Allah existed, I would rather burn in hell forever than pray to him, which is probably why I've never really had that anxiety lots of ex-muslims have at first.
Congratulations for finding my contradictions
Your experience says something
Thanks