Skip navigation
Sidebar -

Advanced search options →
↑ ↓
CEMB → Forum → News and Events → International news and issues → Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay

Welcome

Welcome to CEMB forum.
Please login or register. Did you miss your activation email?

Donations

Help keep the Forum going!
Click on Kitty to donate:

Kitty is lost

Recent Posts

Gaza assault
Today at 09:25 AM
New Britain
Yesterday at 08:11 PM
Do humans have needed kno...
Yesterday at 03:50 AM
اضواء على الطريق ....... ...
by akay
February 23, 2025, 09:40 AM
What music are you listen...
by zeca
February 22, 2025, 09:50 PM
Lights on the way
by akay
February 22, 2025, 02:56 PM
German nationalist party ...
February 21, 2025, 10:31 AM
Random Islamic History Po...
by zeca
February 14, 2025, 08:00 AM
Qur'anic studies today
by zeca
February 13, 2025, 10:07 PM
Muslim grooming gangs sti...
February 13, 2025, 08:20 PM
Russia invades Ukraine
February 13, 2025, 11:01 AM
Islam and Science Fiction
February 11, 2025, 11:57 PM

Theme Changer

 Topic: Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay

 (Read 5699 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     OP - December 06, 2014, 09:04 PM


    Harley Street doctor 'killed himself after his Muslim mother told him to seek a cure for being gay'

    A Harley Street doctor killed himself by jumping naked from his luxury penthouse apartment after his Muslim mother asked him to seek “a cure” for being gay, an inquest heard.

    Dr Nazim Mahmood, fell four storeys to his death from the balcony of his £700,000 flat in a West Hampstead mansion block on July 30.

    An inquest at St Pancras Coroners’ Court heard Dr Mahmood had told his mother he was gay and was in a 13-year relationship with his fiancée Matthew Ogston just days before his death.

    The court heard Dr Mahmood had kept his sexuality secret from his Muslim family in Birmingham fearing they would refuse to accept it on religious and cultural grounds.

    But having returned to the family home to celebrate Eid, the 34-year-old revealed his sexuality after his mother asked him if he was gay, the court heard.

    Mr Ogston, who lived at the penthouse flat with Dr Mahmood, told the inquest yesterday: “She had suggested to him he needed to see a psychiatrist to see if he could be cured. Together I think they agreed they would get through it.

    “Telling someone they needed to be cured would not be the easiest thing to take.”

    The court heard Dr Mahmood, who had never suffered from depression or any other mental illness, had taken drugs mephedrone and ketamine shortly before his death...

    http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/muslim-doctor-killed-himself-after-his-mother-told-him-to-seek-a-cure-for-being-gay-9905320.html
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #1 - December 06, 2014, 09:22 PM
    This is so terrible!!! Cry
    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #2 - December 06, 2014, 09:23 PM
    Even when you leave, get a good job and have a completely independent life away from your family - you can never really escape completely from their mentality, expectations and pressures.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #3 - December 06, 2014, 09:29 PM
    If there is anyone going through similar circumstances talk about it with people on this forum and PLEASE contact the Samaritans and other similar organisations.

    You are not alone.
    No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

    Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #4 - December 06, 2014, 09:37 PM
    this is so tragic and heartbreaking.

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #5 - December 06, 2014, 10:02 PM
    I am so sorry for this, and for his fiance.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #6 - December 07, 2014, 02:57 AM
    Sad.  Cry
    Just sad...

    I really hope his mother feels remorse for the actions which her son took, which IMO is her fault for psychologically bullying her poor son over his sexual orientation.
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #7 - December 07, 2014, 03:32 AM
    Quote from: Nour on December 07, 2014, 02:57 AM
    I really hope his mother feels remorse for the actions which her son took, which IMO is her fault for psychologically bullying her poor son over his sexual orientation.

    Doubt it. She'll probably blame it on the ketamine. English decadence.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #8 - December 07, 2014, 05:28 AM
    ^yep.

    this is very sad :(
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #9 - December 07, 2014, 10:15 AM
    Quote from: Nour on December 07, 2014, 02:57 AM
    Sad.  Cry
    Just sad...

    I really hope his mother feels remorse for the actions which her son took, which IMO is her fault for psychologically bullying her poor son over his sexual orientation.


    You're right of course, but don't forget she is also a victim of her upbringing and religious indoctrination. Every mother (and father) loves their son/daughter and want what's best for them. Sadly to most Muslims being Gay is regarded as a sickness and just as any other sickness needs treatment they believe the best thing for their child is to be cured.

    I have no doubt she is going through hell now. It may actually lead to her questioning those deeply held beliefs and whether it would not have been better for her son to be Gay and happy and clearly a successful and intelligent adult - and she would still have her son.

    Its a shame matters have to come to such a head for Muslims to think. But sadly it seems we won't wake up gently.

    He clearly loved his mother - and I don't doubt that she loved him too.

    It's just so horribly tragic.

    We (Muslims lol) really must change this attitude by hook or by crook.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #10 - December 07, 2014, 11:02 PM
    Quote from: Abu Ali on December 07, 2014, 10:15 AM
    You're right of course, but don't forget she is also a victim of her upbringing and religious indoctrination. Every mother (and father) loves their son/daughter and want what's best for them. Sadly to most Muslims being Gay is regarded as a sickness and just as any other sickness needs treatment they believe the best thing for their child is to be cured.


    Abu Ali, you're absolutely right! But just to bring a different perspective on the matter, I'm a homosexual female and a closeted ex-muslim living with my parents. When I was a practicing Muslim it took me 7 long years to finally come out to myself and accept that there is no denying that I'm gay because at the time I believed being a lesbian is haram and blah blah blah. So how can I expect my parents and family to accept me after one conversation? Just like it took me years to understand that there is no changing me, I have to give my family sometime to process what I had just told them and hope that they come to the same conclusion as me. They are going through the same process of questioning, denial and mourning the child that they thought they had and lost. It can be extremely painful and emotional draining for everybody involved.

    However, I am by no means saying that Dr Mahmood death is not tragic and heartbreaking. And believe me being lgbtq+ in any Muslim or homophobic environment can be suffocating and unhealthy. No parent should ever make their child feel unloved or unwanted and Dr Mahmood's death could have been avoid completely if the mother had been understanding from the start. But, the mother was only doing what she thought was best for her child. She did not want her son to be punished by Allah for something she believed could be changed and fixed. The fact that she was suggesting that he go "cure" his homosexuality is a way of her trying to save her son.


    ............or I could be wrong and she is a horrible person that wanted her son to suffer....but I for some reason or another highly doubt that. Oh and curing homosexuality is BULLSHIT!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #11 - December 08, 2014, 08:30 PM
    Quote from: minaness on December 07, 2014, 11:02 PM
    Abu Ali, you're absolutely right! But just to bring a different perspective on the matter, I'm a homosexual female and a closeted ex-muslim living with my parents. When I was a practicing Muslim it took me 7 long years to finally come out to myself and accept that there is no denying that I'm gay because at the time I believed being a lesbian is haram and blah blah blah. So how can I expect my parents and family to accept me after one conversation? Just like it took me years to understand that there is no changing me, I have to give my family sometime to process what I had just told them and hope that they come to the same conclusion as me. They are going through the same process of questioning, denial and mourning the child that they thought they had and lost. It can be extremely painful and emotional draining for everybody involved.

    However, I am by no means saying that Dr Mahmood death is not tragic and heartbreaking. And believe me being lgbtq+ in any Muslim or homophobic environment can be suffocating and unhealthy. No parent should ever make their child feel unloved or unwanted and Dr Mahmood's death could have been avoid completely if the mother had been understanding from the start. But, the mother was only doing what she thought was best for her child. She did not want her son to be punished by Allah for something she believed could be changed and fixed. The fact that she was suggesting that he go "cure" his homosexuality is a way of her trying to save her son.


    Thanks, yes, I agree. It's a difficult and sad situation all round.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #12 - December 08, 2014, 08:42 PM
    I hope that one day we will have more psychologists and therapists well versed in the issues surrounding  islamic communities so that young people have somewhere to turn to when they are trying to deal with these problems.

    I also think one of the main things exmuslims and queer muslims need to understand is that we should stop feeling guilty for not living up to our parent's expectations because their demands are completely ludicrous.

    They want their children to abandon their identity and just blindly listen to their commands.  It's an emotionally abusive relationship.

    Don't base your happiness on your parents approval.
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #13 - December 08, 2014, 09:03 PM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on December 08, 2014, 08:42 PM
    Don't base your happiness on your parents approval.


    Easier said than done. We have all learnt from the moment we opened our eyes to seek our parents approval. We have been conditioned to get emotional satisfaction when they approve and feel self-loathing when they disapprove.

    And that can be extended to our family in general.
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #14 - December 08, 2014, 10:39 PM
    ^

    True. I guess for people who are emotionally close to their parents it would be alot more difficult. 
    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #15 - December 09, 2014, 07:08 AM
    Quote from: TheDarkRebel on December 08, 2014, 08:42 PM
    Don't base your happiness on your parents approval.


    Very true. And still no less essential, regardless of one's emotional closeness with them.

    Really tragic to read this story.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #16 - December 09, 2014, 08:48 AM
    I guess emotionally detaching yourself from family is harder for some people. It took me over 10 years to find a balance where I love my family, genuinly care about them, but don't give a shit about their opinions and would just calmly turn my back and walk away if they started acting like assholes. Not everyone can do that, it's hard.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #17 - December 09, 2014, 09:52 AM
    What a heartbreaking story  Cry

    Ignorance and prejudice about issues like sexuality can make people, especially parents, be so callous and unloving towards their children, even though in their mind they are doing the right thing and showing them tough love.
    Maybe with time, his mum and family would have come round to the reality of her son being gay, but he was obviously in a vulnerable state of mind. He might have heard his mum and family say a lot of things about gay people while growing up, and who knows what else was said between them when he admitted his sexual orientation.
    An intelligent, successful young man with a partner of 13 years is no more.

    The tragic and upsetting thing is, such incidents don't seem to make many people in the south asian community to stop and think. The typical reaction would be "This is why you should not be gay. The drugs and dirty homosexual acts made him kill himself and now his poor poor mother is heartbroken." 
    I know my own mum would probably say something like "This is what happens when you let yourself turn away from God and follow Satan and his immoral temptations. Did having sex with men and taking drugs bring him happiness? No, that's why he killed himself. If only he had listened to his mother."  banghead banghead banghead banghead
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #18 - December 09, 2014, 11:09 AM
    Quote from: Sir Wankalot on December 09, 2014, 09:52 AM
    What a heartbreaking story  Cry

    Ignorance and prejudice about issues like sexuality can make people, especially parents, be so callous and unloving towards their children, even though in their mind they are doing the right thing and showing them tough love.
    Maybe with time, his mum and family would have come round to the reality of her son being gay, but he was obviously in a vulnerable state of mind. He might have heard his mum and family say a lot of things about gay people while growing up, and who knows what else was said between them when he admitted his sexual orientation.
    An intelligent, successful young man with a partner of 13 years is no more.

    The tragic and upsetting thing is, such incidents don't seem to make many people in the south asian community to stop and think. The typical reaction would be "This is why you should not be gay. The drugs and dirty homosexual acts made him kill himself and now his poor poor mother is heartbroken." 
    I know my own mum would probably say something like "This is what happens when you let yourself turn away from God and follow Satan and his immoral temptations. Did having sex with men and taking drugs bring him happiness? No, that's why he killed himself. If only he had listened to his mother."  banghead banghead banghead banghead


    Absolutely, when the actual issue is the lack of understanding and support from the community why the guy or girl goes on drugs and ends up killing themselves. A bit like cross-cultural, cross-religion relationships, cause the support by the community and parents is not there, instead disparaging it and the romance and freeness of the relationship goes. This leads to a lack of happiness in those involved leading either to a break-up causing further unhappiness in the son/daughter as they feel even more isolated so they kill themselves or take drugs; or a relationship where the issues are the relationship and any commonalities dissipate.

    This is an amazing vid showing the mentality of this line of thought [NSFW-swearing and highly explicitly visual language] ...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MpTsrGWY4
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #19 - December 09, 2014, 11:14 AM
    You might want to finish that video at 3:46 cause after that it gets raunchy!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #20 - December 09, 2014, 02:11 PM
    interview with his partner

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvg7N_tlRng&feature=youtu.be
    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #21 - December 09, 2014, 02:52 PM
    Thanks for posting that interview, Billy.

    This is the organisation Matt Ogston has set up as a result of his partner's suicide:

    The Naz & Matt Foundation.

    The Naz and Matt Foundation was established in 2014 to provide free support to lesbian, gay and transgender individuals, their friends or family in order to help resolve challenges linked to sexuality or gender identity.

    If you need someone to talk to in confidence, or would like to donate or work with us please email us hello@nazandmattfoundation.org.

    If you'd like to receive news and announcements about our work, and how you can get involved, please
    join our email mailing list

    http://www.nazandmattfoundation.org/
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #22 - December 09, 2014, 08:59 PM
    Ahh, a little bit like PFLAG in the USA!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #23 - December 09, 2014, 09:11 PM
    Also so glad that something good came out of the dark cloud! Thank you Matt, you are a star, much love to him!
  • Suicide after mother told son to get cured of being Gay
     Reply #24 - December 09, 2014, 09:17 PM
    Quote
    "Give the world love and positivity and it will come back to you a 100 times over."
    - Nazim Mahmood


    https://twitter.com/matthewogston/status/519155070357995520

    Courtesy of @matthewogston
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »