So I'm gay and..

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- Lookout
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So I'm gay and..
OP - May 24, 2015, 02:00 AM

I have a decision to make. I'm about to finish my university life in a different country funded by my parents. Should I go back home and work there or stay here and work.

I'm from a developing country where more than 90 percent of the people hate homosexuals and homosexuality. Now that I'm done with uni, I need to make the decision of whether to work here, and start my own life knowing that if/when I come out my parents will disown me and probably hate me.

I could go back; my parents have supported me through education which is an immense amount of money. If I do go back, I could get significantly further financially meaning that I could help the society and maybe even the culture considering this is a developing country. I've always wanted to be able to help the homeless and going home will give me that. However, at the cost of my freedom.

There's a bit of family politics as well. My parents aren't so close and I did not have a close relationship with either. Picking my country would mean a chance to maybe start something especially with my mother since my father married a second woman. However, picking a different country would mean I could get away from all that and the stress.

My now stepmom has a child from my father who, because it is so recent, I'm expected to take care of when I get working.

I'm royally confused and no one knows I'm gay in my family. Every choice I make is littered with guilt.

Someone help me.
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So I'm gay and..
Reply #1 - May 24, 2015, 02:10 AM

You should do what's best for you, which is stay right where you are. When making life-changing decisions always make yourself a priority, yeah you will feel guilty but that's better than living your life with resentment and regret at lost opportunities simply because you put others first.
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Reply #2 - May 24, 2015, 07:20 AM

If you fear for your life then please contact CEMB moderator and they will direct you to the appropriate person to assist you. They will try to help all genuine cases. You may have to be willing to share some details with them. Beyond that I have no other advice.

No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
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Reply #3 - May 24, 2015, 07:47 AM

How would your plan differ in what you would be doing if you were went back to your home country vs stayed where you are at? I know it sounds very good and idealistic to help out people in need in your home country, but there are people in need in any place in the world should you choose to serve them. And honestly I'm not exactly sure what would you be planning on doing?

I would say make the choice that assures your safety above all else. Its no joke to mess around with overwhelmingly bigoted, even violent attitudes of people about something that effects a fundamental part of your life, like sexuality. Many people would envy your ability to live your life with relatively less discrimination and potential for openness down the road in your life where you are. Wish you all the best mate in the choice you make.

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Reply #4 - May 24, 2015, 08:50 AM

Welcome Lookout..

Yes as the above said, i would choose to stay in the west. You can still provide for your family, community and have your freedom, just imagine living back at home and having to conceal that you are gay and then maybe be forced to marry someone that you are not attracted to and live a lie.

Ofcourse if you do decide to stay in the west and live freely, your parents and community will probably find out eventually that your are not hetro and you would need to consider what would be the safest way to visit your dear mum..

all the best x
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Reply #5 - May 24, 2015, 08:53 AM

I agree with the advice given by all here. Your safety and well being first. You can't help anyone if you are rejected isolated depressed and in danger of abuse and violence.
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Reply #6 - May 24, 2015, 03:47 PM

Thanks guys, your replies helped put things to focus. I should consider my safety first.
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Reply #7 - May 24, 2015, 03:48 PM

It's actually rather simple. Live in a country where you can help people and follow your dreams to a certain extent at the price of your freedom, in a place you'll be lucky to find anyone who won't hate you if you're honest about who you are, be pressured to marry a woman when you aren't even attracted to women, or live in a country where you can help people and follow your dreams as much as you're able without sacrificing your freedom, and be secure in knowing you can love whoever you want.

If you don't go back to your home country you'll feel guilt. If you do go back, you'll be trapped, likely miserable, and constantly paranoid someone figures out who you really are.

I know what I'd advise. You can still help your family with financial matters.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #8 - May 25, 2015, 01:00 AM

You can usually do far more in a Western country for your family by earning a Western salary. Some Western countries will allow you to bring your mother over after you have obtained citizenship, if you both would want that. Stay where you are properly appreciated for who you are.
You can always campaign for a decent organization to educate and house the homeless in your home country while in your new country.
Congratulations on getting through university!

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Reply #9 - May 31, 2015, 11:59 PM

Not to brag, but my family is not financially disadvantaged. In fact, it's doing very good. What I meant by helping was that I could try to change the homophobic culture. Not the whole country, but even for a few people could make a difference.
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So I'm gay and..
Reply #10 - June 01, 2015, 12:05 AM

Quote from: OP
I'm from a developing country where more than 90 percent of the people hate homosexuals and homosexuality.

Quote from: George Carlin
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West.
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Reply #11 - June 01, 2015, 07:54 PM

I keep reading this title as:

I'm so Gay!
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So I'm gay and..
Reply #12 - June 02, 2015, 07:42 PM

Maybe there's a reason why. So Hassan, what do you think of this? First thought that comes to mind.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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