Scared to even do this
OP - November 04, 2015, 11:38 PM
Hello
I am an ex-Muslim woman from a South Asian Muslim family. My sister isn't bothered, though my parents are very religious (even more so now that they live in Saudi Arabia for work). I don't live with them, but I am expected to visit them in SA eventually and I have to keep my apostasy hidden.
I was a practicing Muslim from my early teens into my late twenties, and until recently I constantly wore hijab. Even though I wore it from a young age, I hated it and the "good girl" expectations held daily about me into adulthood. I was too scared to admit this until I realised I wasn't religious.
Over the years, I became more and more disillusioned with most Muslims due to the community I was living in at the time, which was not only incredibly insular but hostile towards difference of opinion and any criticism. I also noted that in general, Muslims I encountered didn't like hearing any criticism of their actions or misdemeanours throughout the Western world.
I used to be good friends with white converts, until they became more spiteful and vicious in their ideas (going as far as to say "white people are evil, brown people are not and have never been in positions of power"... they said this about the Middle East, even). I also noticed that they hated hearing criticism, and resorted to apologia and "the race card" to absolve Islam and Muslims of responsibility for their actions. For example, "maybe Europeans shouldn't have colonised their countries lol", which got my goat because it's a "sins of the father" mentality which I personally consider meaningless in any rational critique, as well as a means to say that all Muslims are only innocent rabbits wronged by the evil European man so they're entitled to do horrible things in Western countries.
I have cut off ties with such people.
I lost my faith after reading into scientific errors in the Qur'an, and I don't miss it. While my remaining Muslim friends told me they weren't bothered by my decision, I feel as if I'm on thin ice with them whenever I criticise Muhammad and Islam. Even talking about the Arab slave trade isn't all right with them, as they immediately get defensive.
I rant a lot about Islam and how it shouldn't be given extra protection (for fears of racism) by liberals. This happened especially after the Charlie Hebdo murders, when even my liberal non-Muslim friends began to say "yes they shouldn't have been killed but those cartoons were racist". It shows they didn't even look at the cartoons, but jumped to conclusions just because someone dared to draw Muhammad in satire criticising Islamists and IS.
Other issues which get my ire are the views that Islam is an egalitarian religion, the source of modernity (thanks to algebra apparently) and that the Muslim Mughal dynasty was supposedly peaceful and benevolent until the evil British came along. Neither of those make any sense whatsoever.
I am posting this at risk to my life, as I want to remain anonymous. I live in a Western country, thank goodness, though I must still tiptoe around faith whenever I'm around family.
Topic: Scared to even do this