I formally resign from the umma
OP - December 11, 2015, 05:06 PM
Hello friends,
I should start by saying that even though my profile says New Member (didn't feel ready to say ex-Muslim) I am in fact an ex-Muslim. That is, if one is to believe that the Quran is the literal word of God, then I can't accept that based upon the available evidence and my conscience. I don't think God writes books (there's more to it of course). If one must accept that Muhammad was the messenger of God (that he even said that or that he even existed as per traditional Islamic historical narratives) then I cannot accept this.
A little about me: I'm 37 and of Chechen origin/ethnicity. I've been in and out of being a practicing Muslim since the age of 11 (couple of years on and couple years off at a time). I experimented with Salafism (that only lasted three months because I found it as intellectually and spiritually stimulating as a brick), then tablighi jamaat (that lasted 37 days, was supposed to be on a 40 day stint but the TJs made the Salafis seem like Oxbridge dons in comparison). The Salafi and TJ experiment was around the age of 18 to 19 (whilst at uni). Then I was briefly an Ikhwan fellow traveller until my final year at uni. In my final year I'd had enough of it all and went back to being a cultural Muslim (and enjoying my life: music, drugs, travelling basically happy days!).
Fast forward to my early 30s. I got the 'spiritual' itch again. To scratch that itch, I didn't want to go back into mainstream, pharisaical Sunni Islam and so I decided to get me a hit of tariqah. So I became a murid of Shaykh Nazim Haqqani. That actually lasted about a year but I dropped out of that too (although it was more satisfying personally than Salafism or Deobandism, which is what the TJs are in essence). Ultimately, the promise of spiritual renewal via a 'heart connection' with Shaykh Nazim was a chimera (my polite way of saying bullshit).
Finally, last orders from the Islamic pub was Twelver Shiism. I got into 12er teachings because I was reading a hell of a lot of Islamic history, especially about the various wars that kicked off straight after Muhammad's passing. Just to clarify, it wasn't Tijani or any of the other modern Shi'i polemics pedalled by the likes of al-islam.org. At this point I only trusted orientalist scholarship (actual scholarship as opposed to theology masquerading as scholarship). I was in Karbala and Mashhad earlier this year as it goes. My disillusionment with 12er thought was tied to the utter implausibility of the existence and theory of the hidden Imam (4 dudes only had contact with him, produced no work of fiqh or hadith but found time to take people's khums money).
However, I'm really grateful to the 12ers for keeping alive philosophy within the Islamic world. Thanks to Mir Damad and Mullah Sadra I developed a genuine taste for Descarters, Spinoza, Hobbes, Hume, Hegel, Kant (he's bloody hard work I find) etc. These days I'm reading a hell of a lot of Marx (he's my main man at the moment). Actually my user name is that of a Tatar bolshevik. Sultan-Galiev was an atheist but felt that just charging in and forcing Muslims into atheism at the point of a bayonet wasn't going to work (I think his point still stands). There would need to be a gradual de-sacrilization of Islam (that's a very crude summary btw). Poor chap was topped by Stalin.
Anyhow, I'm now free from performing mental hoops justifying slavery, the total objectification of women, female sex slaves, child marriage, marital rape, the second class treatment of ahlul dhimma, holy war, infinite punishment for finite actions etc (the usual heinousness that I think everyone here had a problem with).
I'm very lucky in that I don't really have to fear my family. They're a very liberal bunch (alhamdu li joe pesci to paraphrase George Carlin). Mum was actually like the second Chechen woman to go to Moscow Sate Uni (back when it was relatively bribe free and provided a top notch education, late 60s basically). Dad has always paid lip service to being Muslim but refuses to pray (everyone, myself included, always suspected him of being a naughty atheist). Plus Dad has always loved vodka and always has pet dogs (lovely creatures btw even though I'm a fanatical cat dude).
Mum, bless her, is religious but not as much as she thinks she is. Like she does namaz and fasts and eats halal but that's it really. She doesn't care for reading hadith or much Quran for that matter. Pretty much all her friends are not Muslim (she admitted that she doesn't like the company of most Muslims and especially Chechens, says they're pretty primitive people intellectually speaking). Now that she's getting on a bit she finds great comfort and solace in prayer, so I figure leave her to it. She doesn't bust my balls about prayer or praxis in general so you know lakum deenakum waliyadeen I figure. If someone finds comfort in an illusion and they don't go about enforcing their illusion on others, it seems a bit mean to wrench it away from them.
In terms of a deity, organised religion, the meaning of life etc then I think The Dude (aka Shaykh Jeff Lebowski) said it best: Yeah? Well, you know, that's just like, your opinion, man!
Peace and love my beloved infidels (and non ball busting Muhammedans)
Topic: I formally resign from the umma