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 Topic: My husband is an asshole! What should I do?

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  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     OP - December 24, 2015, 06:48 PM
    http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/34544

    Yeah, blame and shame the woman...  wacko
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #1 - December 24, 2015, 07:01 PM
    Why do Muslims/Islam constantly try to convince women that it is expected and natural to sacrifice and suffer in a marriage. Isn't that a sign the relationship is dysfunctional. But on the other hand, Islamic marriage is dysfunctional. Relationships are supposed to be rewarding, not make us miserable...
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #2 - December 24, 2015, 08:07 PM
    Because it's the woman's lot to suffer. I've actually been told this before.
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #3 - December 24, 2015, 08:57 PM
    How low can you go when you reject your own wife's facebook friend request.. Makes me sad when I know far more deserving guys who can't get married. 
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #4 - December 24, 2015, 09:18 PM
    I'm just waiting until they simply say "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't already told her twice". Cunts.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #5 - December 24, 2015, 11:14 PM
    Quote from: ExMuslimVlogGuy on December 24, 2015, 08:57 PM
    How low can you go when you reject your own wife's facebook friend request.. Makes me sad when I know far more deserving guys who can't get married. 


    I bet the asshole thought himself "deserving" too.

    Meh, humans are bound to be horrible to one another. I don't think that's surprising. Its the way religion is facilitating it which is the real joke.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #6 - December 24, 2015, 11:49 PM
    Quote
    Meh, humans are bound to be horrible to one another. I don't think that's surprising.


    See, I never learned that this behavior is found in some religious people.. I didn't know this was the nature of some people. I wouldn't say all humans, but yes I've encountered these flaky ass "religious" people that put up a front.

    In this particular example when she wrote to the Sheikh, and told him that her husband put up an act that he was all religious at first, but then all of a sudden neglected her.. I didn't know that some men would do this. Honestly, I really didn't.. Not until I left Islam completely did I realize that it was all a hoax to some of them as well.. Some put up a front to get married, some put up a front to get attention, etc. etc.

    This is probably why I never got along too well with some religious guys. It's all an act with some of them. I was truly sincere, and if you're truly sincere in religion, these fakers are going to give you a fucking hard time. They treated me like shit whenever I was around them.. And it was because it was all a hoax to them and I actually took it seriously.

    I know I'm typing a lot for this, but it really is a passion of mine, and it bothers me so much that some guys would be like that.. But at the end of the day, women will fall in love who they want to fall in love with, and men will fall in love who they want to fall in love with. I can't do anything about that.
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #7 - December 25, 2015, 02:23 AM
    Quote from: ExMuslimVlogGuy on December 24, 2015, 11:49 PM
    I didn't know that some men would do this. Honestly, I really didn't

    Some women do it as well. It isn't a sex thing, it's a human thing. Some people are scum.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #8 - December 25, 2015, 02:43 AM
    Scum can come in the form of males and females.

    I remember I disagreed with a Muslim woman on an Islamic Fiqh issue online, and she ran and told her husband that I was harassing her..

    We lived in the same community. She was one of those Muslim women that would pretend that she never talked to any guy besides her husband, so she told her husband that I was trying to make a move on her.. The funny thing is that we would talk about other Islamic issues online, but when I disagreed with this issue that she found to be major, she cried wolf. Her husband went to the Imam and complained that I was harassing her. Which was total BS.

    I then check her tumblr and twitter, and she is talking to all sorts of men that are not her husband about things that have nothing to do with religion..

    lol
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #9 - December 25, 2015, 11:20 AM
    Grrrrr  furious

    Wonder whether I would still be a Muslim if this disgusting sexism didn't exist in Islam. For Muslim women it appears that marriage is supposed to be a miserable institution because it involves giving up everything for one person and not expecting the same in return. And remember, if he busts your lip it's your fault  Roll Eyes

    Is there any way to contact those imams to give them a piece of my mind?

  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #10 - December 25, 2015, 03:08 PM
    Quote from: ExMuslimVlogGuy on December 24, 2015, 11:49 PM
    In this particular example when she wrote to the Sheikh, and told him that her husband put up an act that he was all religious at first, but then all of a sudden neglected her.. I didn't know that some men would do this. Honestly, I really didn't..

    Closeted gay. Bet on it.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #11 - December 25, 2015, 03:12 PM
    Quote from: Nour on December 24, 2015, 06:48 PM
    http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/34544

    Yeah, blame and shame the woman...  wacko


    guys we have to realize the problem is NOT that guy(her husband)  and the problem is not that lady or even the people around them  but these RELIGIOUS IDIOTS at that link

    Quote
    And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
    Abdullah ibn Mohammed Aijaz

    Student Darul Iftaa
    Baltimore, USA

    Checked and Approved by,
    Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


    These fit for nothing.. nothing to do in life  rascals interfere in family affairs/problem of folks in Islam.  These Mullah Idiots  create more problems to the families  over the problems they already have
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #12 - December 25, 2015, 04:27 PM
    Just as bad is the advice given to the men. Men are taught that women are irrational, emotional beings who never really know what they want anyway, so even when they fuss and complain, you just have to be patient with them because they are deficient in intellect and religion. Also, don't forget that lying to your wife isn't actually lying (she's just a woman, after all) so whatever you have to say to shut her and her emotional rants up is just fine.

    I heard that sort of advice my entire life from Muslim elders.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #13 - December 25, 2015, 04:29 PM
    Quote from: Zimriel on December 25, 2015, 03:08 PM
    Closeted gay. Bet on it.


    Wouldn't be surprised. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #14 - December 26, 2015, 11:04 AM
    germaine greer…who is batshit crazy…is fond of saying "women have very little idea of how much men hate them"… when i look at the islamic world, the mad men era…even mras, redpills and so on…everywhere men have power over women they treat them like shit…and in the modern west where its harder to abuse and mistreat women…but still happens nonetheless…there are entire online communities of men who rant endlessly about how vile women are…makes you think crazy old aunt germaine had a point and the male of the species hate us on some subconscious level…

    nvm though…i may just be pmsing…
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #15 - December 26, 2015, 11:07 AM
    islamic marital advice always seems to be about telling the woman to change…endure…whatever… the men are told women are overgrown children and if a wife is being shit you hit her…or just buy another one. but for sure…men are never told that its just their lot in life to suffer…have sabr…islam seems to be all about fulfilling their desires…
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #16 - December 26, 2015, 12:37 PM
    Germaine Greer makes one hell of a generalization C.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #17 - December 26, 2015, 01:56 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on December 24, 2015, 07:01 PM
    Why do Muslims/Islam constantly try to convince women that it is expected and natural to sacrifice and suffer in a marriage. Isn't that a sign the relationship is dysfunctional. But on the other hand, Islamic marriage is dysfunctional. Relationships are supposed to be rewarding, not make us miserable...


    It's not just Muslims who are like this though.  Sad to say but non muslim/non believer female friends of mine tell me that I will be lonely and will never get a man since I refuse to accept that drama and putting 'them' first is what a real relationship looks like.

    There are no Muslim imams/scholars, or muslim advice pages in the lives of my female friends and yet one and all, they sacrifice any dreams they have, as secondary to the dreams their men have.  I mean one can get an amazing job, good pay, but her partner thinks she should be flipping burgers...so where is she now?  flipping burgers.  She must also do this whilst returning home to do everything else.  He can't do it see, because he works...(not flipping burgers for 10 hours).

    But this is normal see.  All my female friends nauseate me on this point.  They are just secondary pieces to the main, the whole, the man.  I've lost 2 friends to this sickness.  Grin 

    All Islam does, is represent an explicit set of rules that we in the West like to pretend we've done away with.  To some extent many harsh rules are gone.  Should these women ever choose to re-embrace their former selves, they can.  They are able to exercise choices that Muslim women can't if they obey Islam.

    But they are still bound by a set of implicit rules, modes of behaviour that retain sacrifice of the self, in favour of the man.  I see it all and thank the gods that I could never love another partner enough to be willing to engage in these sorts of rules again.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #18 - December 26, 2015, 02:49 PM
    Oh no, never did I for a second think this was something reserved only for Islam and Muslims Grin Just yesterday I watched the abomination of a show called "Submissive wive's guide to marriage", Christians talking about "Christian marriage" and its guidelines. I was as much triggered by that as I am by similar things uttered in an Islamic context. As an ex-Muslim woman, having gone through all of it, just as you have, it hits me much harder than sexism and misogyny wrapped in a different package than the usual religious one; due to the simple fact that I can relate to it differently than sexism and misogyny served on a different plate with other side dishes than I have "tasted" until now. Yes, it bothers me. But I am far more triggered by the bs that actually gives me flashbacks from my own life. But hey, let's not be pessimists. I'm still young. I am sure I will experience much sexism and misogyny to come in life Smiley

    I don't think any of this is something that is reserved even for religion only. All it comes down to is patriarchy and its many forms and shapes of culture all around the world. In some places it is more apparent than in other, and we are often much better at detecting bullshit in other cultures than in our own. As a linguist, and a feminist, I am triggered by the fact that I as a woman need to use a different language than men when speaking Japanese. I could write a whole thesis on the subject, and rant in private how this illustrates the submissive role women in general have in the Japanese culture. But then again, as a linguist and a feminist, I am not ignorant of how language use differs between men and women in the English language (or pick and chose from any of the other languages I'm fluent/semi-fluent in), and what it ultimately entails and says about our own culture and ideas about men, women, femininity, masculinity, and so on.

    Having all of this organized and set in religious rules and regulations makes it worse, because it is harder to actually change religious norms than other types of cultural norms. It's not about "this is our culture", because most people know culture is ever changing. But for most (religious) people, religion is from God. And god doesn't change. This is the problem Muslim women face; who are they to argue against god? This is why I don't think the imaginary idea of Islamic feminism can exist in the real world. Muslim feminists, yes. Islamic feminism, no. It's not feminism, just like the perverted idea of "difference feminism" should not have the right to use the term "feminism".
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #19 - December 26, 2015, 06:49 PM
    "Feminist" and "triggered" cannot reside in the same sentence. Maybe not even in the same comment.

    Feminism is a political stance - therefore, a war stance. If you assert feminism, you are asserting your independence and strength. Being triggered is a form of weakness. TELLING people exactly how you get triggered is advertising how your enemies can strike at you. To the extent you get triggered, your feminism is paper.

    If you want to be equal, learn mental discipline. I'd suggest also learning a martial art and/or taking a weapons class. Otherwise you will be relying upon others who do, which will probably mean men.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #20 - December 26, 2015, 07:00 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on December 26, 2015, 01:56 PM
    It's not just Muslims who are like this though.  Sad to say but non muslim/non believer female friends of mine tell me that I will be lonely and will never get a man since I refuse to accept that drama and putting 'them' first is what a real relationship looks like.

    There are no Muslim imams/scholars, or muslim advice pages in the lives of my female friends and yet one and all, they sacrifice any dreams they have, as secondary to the dreams their men have.  I mean one can get an amazing job, good pay, but her partner thinks she should be flipping burgers...so where is she now?  flipping burgers.  She must also do this whilst returning home to do everything else.  He can't do it see, because he works...(not flipping burgers for 10 hours).

    But this is normal see.  All my female friends nauseate me on this point.  They are just secondary pieces to the main, the whole, the man.  I've lost 2 friends to this sickness.  Grin 

    All Islam does, is represent an explicit set of rules that we in the West like to pretend we've done away with.  To some extent many harsh rules are gone.  Should these women ever choose to re-embrace their former selves, they can.  They are able to exercise choices that Muslim women can't if they obey Islam.

    But they are still bound by a set of implicit rules, modes of behaviour that retain sacrifice of the self, in favour of the man.  I see it all and thank the gods that I could never love another partner enough to be willing to engage in these sorts of rules again.


    I've seen one instance where the Imam's wife was flipping burgers at McDonalds for a secondary income. Is this a common trend?
    "If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
    "Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
    "Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #21 - December 26, 2015, 07:05 PM
    Thank you Zimriel for your very wise insights, always educating the poor and ignorant.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #22 - December 26, 2015, 07:17 PM
    Quote from: Zimriel on December 26, 2015, 06:49 PM
    "Feminist" and "triggered" cannot reside in the same sentence. Maybe not even in the same comment.

    Feminism is a political stance - therefore, a war stance. If you assert feminism, you are asserting your independence and strength. Being triggered is a form of weakness. TELLING people exactly how you get triggered is advertising how your enemies can strike at you. To the extent you get triggered, your feminism is paper.

    If you want to be equal, learn mental discipline. I'd suggest also learning a martial art and/or taking a weapons class. Otherwise you will be relying upon others who do, which will probably mean men.

     wacko wacko wacko
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #23 - December 26, 2015, 07:22 PM
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #24 - December 26, 2015, 07:51 PM
    Quote from: Zimriel on December 26, 2015, 06:49 PM
    ............................ I'd suggest also learning a martial art and/or taking a weapons class. Otherwise you will be relying upon others who do, which will probably mean men.....

    Yu go Zimriel.. let us train women to kill men...   well Noooooooooo

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVXWsxlYMHM

    if you don't understand go read this
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #25 - December 26, 2015, 09:03 PM
    Quote from: Zimriel on December 26, 2015, 06:49 PM
    "Feminist" and "triggered" cannot reside in the same sentence.


    Though asshole and jackass can.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #26 - December 27, 2015, 05:04 AM
    It has lot more to do with patriarchy than just Islam which is everywhere including The West that prides itself as the champion of women's right.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #27 - December 27, 2015, 01:17 PM
    in this day and age of equality you'll find the western woman still comes home from work and is the one who fixes the dinner.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #28 - December 27, 2015, 01:17 PM
    and tidies up.
  • My husband is an asshole! What should I do?
     Reply #29 - December 27, 2015, 03:12 PM
    Quote from: ExMuslimVlogGuy on December 26, 2015, 07:00 PM
    I've seen one instance where the Imam's wife was flipping burgers at McDonalds for a secondary income. Is this a common trend?


    Not so much the flipping burgers, more the menial and lower paid job.  Too often accompanied by some 'discussion' on how she should not earn more than, or be working in something that carries more prestige.  So for instance my friend could be a special needs worker, working with autistic or behaviourally challenged children, instead she is flipping burgers in a burger stand for 40 UK pounds, for 8-10 hours of work.

    It's too much to watch.  banghead

    Quote from: Cornflower on December 26, 2015, 07:05 PM
    Thank you Zimriel for your very wise insights, always educating the poor and ignorant.


    Quote from: Absurdist on December 26, 2015, 07:17 PM
    wacko wacko wacko


    Oh good, it's not just me that had a wtf moment.  Grin

    I got where you were coming from cornflower.  I get it all the way.   Afro
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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