Need Husband!

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- Pyofue
- ThePanpsychist
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OP - July 07, 2016, 09:37 PM

Since 2014 I knew this ex christian guy who loved me and me too had feelings for him, last year i escaped home and visited him. I created much trouble for myself, the police were involved and i was sent to social support. I wanted to marry him but my family refused and threatened him and his family not to think or get closer to me again. I was so down i tried to suicide many times and you know the penalty for trying to suicide. My family took my phone and made me resign my job and locked me at home, they don't give me money am treated like a kid if i want something i ask mom to do it for me. they crippled me. am seeing 2 psychiatrists and both think that marriage might stop my family's madness of wanting to jail me put me in intensive islamic rehab to repent. I can't lie I can't pretend anymore. I want a husband a dear friend and a lover I wanna get out of this abusive house and taste life. I know y'all might think am joking but am not, you can laugh and call me idiot, i don't know where to go and how to do it
- Absurdist
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Reply #1 - July 07, 2016, 09:44 PM

You're not an idiot; your psychiatrists are the idiots. Who the hell recommends marriage as a solution to mental health issues.
- Hsnake
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Reply #2 - July 07, 2016, 09:46 PM

Oh wow this isn't a joke? Where you from?
- Pyofue
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Reply #3 - July 07, 2016, 09:53 PM

hmm they observed me happy with that ex christian guy which improved my health so when i told them

-am stuck i need someone to get me out...
-you mean marriage?
-uhh yeah..
-well that's one solution among many possibilities.

am from UAE
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Reply #4 - July 07, 2016, 09:59 PM

Well, no shit, love makes people happy. But looking for love to find happiness leads to dependence and that is some toxic and unhealthy stuff.

Depending on a man for your happiness doesn't sound like the most liberating thing ever.
- Pyofue
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Reply #5 - July 07, 2016, 10:04 PM

i'll make sure the only dependent thing is getting me out of this house. I know how to make myself happy, i'll be busy exploring the external world like a curious child!
- Absurdist
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Reply #6 - July 07, 2016, 10:16 PM

To be honest, your approach to finding happiness makes it seem that you need someone to fall back on. I know the feeling. I'm a gulfie and I've always had my parents' support, financially if not anything else. But at some point you gotta find your own freedom, by yourself. No man is gonna give it to you. And chances are, if a man is willing to marry you to be your "liberator", he's probably an abusive jerk who's going to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Trying to relive your past is a symptom of depression, and in my opinion your psychiatrists are enabling your depression rather than finding solutions out of it.

Your life is in the future, and you have capacity to take control of it. It's really fucking difficult and you might have to give up a lot of comforts, but that's life, and believe me you'll end up happier.
- Helaine
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Reply #7 - July 07, 2016, 11:21 PM

Erm.... is there a way to repair your relationship with your family? Do you think that they will approve the person you choose to marry? Or do you have to marry who they approve?

I don't know about your family situation, but if a family is going so far as to entrap their own daughter in the house and basically force them to be dependent, that's a very abusive situation. I don't think that there's a solution that will make both of you happy. Even if you choose to marry, will they approve? This all comes from their dislike of that ex-christian guy right?

The thing is, controlling parents like that won't just stop at picking your marriage partner - even after you marry they will always watch over you, controlling your choices in everything. Buying a house, educating children, etc. You're always a child to them... Not an adult with their own will and conscience. Your life will always revolve around them, basically. The problem will not disappear after marriage.

Lay low, pretend to be a good girl and try to get a job again, save up money and plan your own escape. At this point, financial freedom is your best bet.
- Pyofue
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Reply #8 - July 08, 2016, 03:42 AM

I don't understand why you pessimistic about it ya Absurdist! I'll take my time knowing the guy but I need to let my family know and we could proceed to engagement at least so they stop putting pressure on me to repent. The reason they took my phone and made me resign is bcz they are afraid i might escape again, they know i can immigrate thats why also they won't believe a word i say if i pretended to be good muslim again. Am stuck no lies would make them believe, no lies would make me get a job again or have my phone back. This guy must be local but open minded or atheist and with muslim family so they can approve of him, i know it's hard to find but am trying... he will not abuse me my chances are we fall in love deeply we understand and respect each others need, or i use him to get his money and escape lol, or if nothing worked and he was bad to me i can divorce him.

No worries after marriage no one can control me even my husband! and regarding my life style not wearing the black gear and where i go what do i do will be my freedom.

I don't know about my psychiatrists they are great listeners but I gotta find my own solutions.
- Ursus
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Reply #9 - July 08, 2016, 05:34 AM

I assume that you are not a troll.

How old are you?
Where in the world do you live?
What subdivision of religion do you belong to?
- Pyofue
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Reply #10 - July 08, 2016, 06:16 AM

I wish my life was perfect and that am trolling :(
am 26 ex muslim from UAE
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Reply #11 - July 08, 2016, 06:34 AM

Man, I really don't get you at all. You honestly sound like you wanna break free but are afraid of taking a risk.

If you can migrate, then migrate. If your parents won't allow you to get a job, apply for jobs in another country and once you get one move there.

You're creating a fantasy about finding a husband and falling in love and blah blah. What if you don't find a husband? What if you don't fall in love? Then what? You're just gonna keep waiting for your knight in shining armour to come and whisk you away?
- Pyofue
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Reply #12 - July 08, 2016, 08:22 AM

look i hate to be saved am not waiting some knight and fall in love i just think it would be great, it's one good possible way. If it didn't work fine am going to jail might be new experience not bad right? I was close to death i wanted to throw myself from a bridge but couldn't so i was roaming in the night streets of the big city alone after a woman shelter rejected me. i've been in the psych wards and escaped twice. I was caught and forced to see a police brigade who threatened me with jail and so on... yeah I've risked a lot!

*sigh* anyway maybe if i got out of jail then i can apply for a job outside country...
- ElToro
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Reply #13 - July 08, 2016, 11:04 AM

Well, giving advices from outside is always easy, but Helanie is right: try to pretend to be a good girl again until you have a really good plan to escape to a foreign country. Say that this was just a phase, or something like that.

I don't think that your parents will allow you to marry a stranger and to leave the country.

Anyways, welcome to the forum
- Hsnake
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Reply #14 - July 08, 2016, 11:26 AM

Also your dolphin dp is killing me.
- Bee
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Reply #15 - July 08, 2016, 12:08 PM

First work on your depression. Find activities that make you happy that you can do: some hobbies, cooking for family, positive activities.

Your family is not likely to change for a long time. Considering you live in UAE and your family is Muslim it is important you not put yourself in danger with your ex-muslim statis. So yes pretend and tell people what they want to hear for now.

Marriage could be a liberator or a prison for you. You might be ok if you have a husband who allows you some freedom and you do not have to live with inlaws. Maybe you could also have a move to another country that is freer. UAE is not too bad of all the countries in the middle east. Depends what you want out of life.

I am assuming that the break up with the boyfriend was what triggered your depression. This I am sorry for. You did like your job? Maybe you can work again as that would be healthy for you.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

The unreligion, only one calorie
- yeezevee
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Reply #16 - July 08, 2016, 12:19 PM

Quote from: Pyofue on July 07, 2016, 09:53 PM

-am stuck i need someone to get me out...
-you mean marriage?
-uhh yeah..
-well that's one solution among many possibilities.

Hmm.. Pyofue Sounds of Fantasticnoura
That is really good one Pyofue ., did you create that or you just listen?? go that link you may enjoy some music..

So ., to get out of UAE., what UAE?? what is your problem Pyofue? that 10s of thousands lined up to enter in to UAE and you want to get out of that country?? wel world is full strange people ..

So one is marrying and using some one to solve your problem

and the other, you said "one solution among many possibilities." .. So what do you think are other possibilities?? and where is that Christian guy? and what is he doing now??

Damn that is really good music folder on cloud., well listen to the music at that link and common get control of yourself ., you sound like a feisty girl

with best wishes
yeezevee

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- Pyofue
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Reply #17 - July 08, 2016, 01:13 PM

@EIToro
you guys think am not gonna fight back, like i'll surrender and say ok take me to jail just like that lol ofc i will say no and do something about it i dunno but am not sure if they will change their minds. that's why am panicking seeking advices! no they will not allow me to marry a foreigner only gulfies, although i don't mind anyone with kind heart. Thank you.

@Hsnake
deal with it! lol

@bee
wow cooking among other activities, no am an artist and a sad hippy lonely philosopher cooking is not for me, I'm good at passing time popping meds coping with past terrible memories but i don't wanna be like this for the rest of my life, locked down drawing and reading books. UAE is not bad true but families differ some are open minded, mine is a closed control freaks. i can't live away from my family i tried talking to them they refused. I'm depressed before i met the guy and he was so understanding and accepted me but when we wanted to marry he got scared on his life and his family cz they are christians coming from syria, they have no rights here in my country.

@yezeevee
Yes it's my account i still enjoy music thankfully is that a problem? excuse me but money isn't everything, women here still treated badly and abused by family/husband and no one believe us bcz they think we exaggerate we are emotional and drama queens etc.
Other possibilities like after i get out of jail my family might disown me which will be good for me. The christian guy is still alive, he broke up with me bcz the police made him sign a paper not to talk to me ever or he's going to jail too. Do i sound like a crazy woman? don't tell me to take control of myself *sigh* enjoy the music
- yeezevee
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Reply #18 - July 08, 2016, 01:27 PM

Quote from: Pyofue on July 08, 2016, 01:13 PM
.....................

@yezeevee
Yes it's my account i still enjoy music thankfully is that a problem?

whaaaaaaaaaat? Noooooooooooooooooooooo., why that is a problem for me Pyofue? you have a great collection in that cloud., I am still listening to it..

Quote
excuse me but money isn't everything,

well excuse me., that is a problem .,MONEY IS EVERYTHING.. I say everything...

Quote
women here still treated badly and abused by family/husband and no one believe us bcz they think we exaggerate we are emotional and drama queens etc.

well .. it is a fact., bit of truth is there ..lol.. .,Tell me there are no women folks on this earth that are not drama queens ...

Quote
Other possibilities like after i get out of jail my family might disown me which will be good for me. The christian guy is still alive, he broke up with me bcz the police made him sign a paper not to talk to me ever or he's going to jail too. Do i sound like a crazy woman? don't tell me to take control of myself *sigh* enjoy the music

'No..no., dear Pyofue you are NOT crazy., the idiots who are saying that are indeed craziest buggers on this earth ., they are psychos and they need psychiatrist help.. Please keep quite for some time., plan well for your life., What I see in you from your posts is you react quick.. very quick for a given problem. So cool it down a bit dear Pyofue., and control your anger ..

with best wishes
yeezevee

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- INcePtion
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Reply #19 - July 08, 2016, 01:42 PM

Lol
- yeezevee
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Reply #20 - July 08, 2016, 01:44 PM

Quote from: INcePtion on July 08, 2016, 01:42 PM
Lol

Hu! ... you too INcePtion??

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- Pyofue
- ThePanpsychist
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Reply #21 - July 08, 2016, 01:56 PM

wtf this guy is disrespectful i didn't came here to fight
- yeezevee
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Reply #22 - July 08, 2016, 02:05 PM

Quote from: Pyofue on July 08, 2016, 01:56 PM
wtf this guy is disrespectful i didn't came here to fight

who is that rascal Pyofue., tell me i will beat him up.....

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- ElToro
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Reply #23 - July 08, 2016, 03:23 PM

OMG yeezevee is googleing all of us

Great music by the way Pyofue! You have a new follower in Soundcloud
- yeezevee
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Reply #24 - July 08, 2016, 03:32 PM

that cat is terrified .. why ?

Quote from: ElToro on July 08, 2016, 03:23 PM
OMG yeezevee is googleing all of us

I actually google your god.. google my god and google god of every one and god of that cat in your post ElToro...

no god will escape and no god is an exception to this rascal ElToro ....

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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