Ex-Muslim from Hertfordshire

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- Snow_man
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Ex-Muslim from Hertfordshire
OP - August 24, 2016, 06:21 PM

Hi everyone

Before I get started I want everyone to know I am a male around 19 years of age living as a closeted ex Muslim.

I came into the uk when i was around 7 years old along with two older brothers and two older sisters as well as a younger sister. In total I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers. The other two siblings were born in the uk (little brother and sister)

Ever since I was 10 my family have made me learn and do prayer if I didn't then my mom would hit me or get my dad to hit me (usually it was a slap if it was my mom, however my dad always used to take it further by slapping, kicking, and or hitting me with a stick). I was made to believe this was normal because I didn't know any different and the fact that it used to happen every day or two. I was never allowed to go outside our house, have any friends come over or have any non-Muslim friends. Due to this and the fact I couldn't speak English no one really liked me at primary school or wanted to be my friend.

Primary school: years 1-6
When we first came to the UK my family was very poor and my dad was very stingy and selfish. As in all of the Benefits he used to get including child tax credits was splashed on himself. Due to this I used to wear the same clothes everyday for two to three years before we were taken to do some shopping (usually in primark which is like the cheapest clothes store) when they only bought the bare minimum; and that was only because my clothes were ripped and or too tight to fit me.
I can still remember some flashbacks of how we used to eat, what kinds of clothes I used to wear and basically how poor our living standards were compared to others.

Secondary school:
Year 7, 8 and 9 were probably the hardest years of my school life because I had a very low self esteem, no confidence and no friends. The only people I could talk and be friends with were teachers. However I did start to make some friends in year 10 who almost always used to make fun of me because I didn't understand what they were saying half the time however it was better than being alone all the time and having no friends at all. I then turned to allah and became a devout muslim so I started to pray with all my heart and asking him for help. I also started to study hard in classes and do my homework at break and lunchtime instead meeting my 'friends'. For a time I thought my prayers were working and my life was turning around for the better because I got good grades. My dad also changed around this as well because he started to give me pocket money like £10 a month, which I was really happy to get as it was the only time my dad gave me money. However it was short lived because once I started sixth form I didn't have any friends and people I could talk to on my break period or lunch time. So I decided to do research and complete homework or coursework instead.

It was only in the second year of sixth form when I had made a lifetime friend who was also in my sixth form year. He was actually very nice and friendly. We always used to talk to each other and go on break together so it was actually quite nice. One day he asked me if I was a Muslim I said I was, (bare in that he is an atheist) then he said so you agree with rape, murder, and paedophiles, and I said of course not. Then he said well those are some of the thing that the Quran says you have to do. I said no it isn't Islam is a religion of peace and also says that if you kill one person it is like they have killed the whole population (something my uncle always told me , whenever he used preach to us) that was the end of that conversation. Ever since then I started to have doubts about my religion being the religion of peace. I then started to watch debates between Muslims and Christians as well as atheists so that I can actually defend my religion when it is getting criticised. As I started to watch more and more videos I saw that the atheists especially Christopher Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins had way better arguments than Islam did. After that I read articles about all the violence that is in the Quran including quotes from the Quran. After that I was recommended by my friend to read a book by Alom Shaha called 'The Young Atheists Handbook' which explained everything so well including how religion is man made and how God is not real. After that I decided to renounce Islam and stay in the closet. I used to act like a Muslim at home but when I went out side I used to eat haram foods like pork and non halal beef. During this time I also got a job and started to get a bit of freedom and money because I could go out with friends and colleagues more often. Obviously my parents didn't know otherwise they would have gone livid, they just thought I was at work. Nearing the end of sixth form (A Levels) we had to apply for university so we could study our degrees their. Most of my class were going to move out of their parents house to live on their own. So when I asked my mom if I could move out for university she said no I would rather you start working full time and stay at home than move away and go university. After days of arguing and pleading with my mom she still said no. So I had to stay at home and study at university because there was no other way around it.

University:
I started to settle into university quite well because I had make quite a lot of friends muslim and non-muslim. It was around this time that I started to drink alcohol and smoke weed and I used to come home very late. One day my mom found out that I was doing 'bad' things because I came home like 7 in the morning. That's when everything went downhill for me. Because that same day when I woke up my older sisters were crying and my mom was livid she forced me to leave my job and made me tell her my bank details so she could take out all of my money, so I couldn't spend it on 'haram' activities. She even took my phone and got my younger sister who was 14 at the time to read all of my messages and translate them to her because she was illiterate, it was at this moment she found out for real that I had stopped being a muslim. She then didn't let me go outside or give me my phone back. When my dad and brothers came back from work my mom told them everything and then my dad started to hit me, while my mom cheered him on, so I shoved him out of the way grabbed my phone and ran away from home. I called some of my friends to see if I could stay at their house as I had nowhere else to go. However they all said no and stopped picking up my phone calls. So there I was all alone and homeless, I went to police and they said they can't help me as I am 18 years old and not a child. I spent the next three days sleeping on the streets, after which my brother called and said my parents were sorry and that they wanted me back and s lot of other things and promises that they had made. I knew it was a trap but with no job or money I didn't have anywhere to go so I went home and straight to bed so I wouldn't have to face my parents. The next morning my mom sat down with me and told me that if I want to live with them then I have to accept all of her conditions which were to stop all of my 'haram' activities and become a muslim again otherwise it would dishonour our family and that they would be shamed in front of the whole community. Which for them is worse than death. To stop working or going out unless it was to university, and to stay at home where she could keep an eye on me. Having no other option I decided to agree.

Now:
I thought I was the only ex-Muslim atheist until I found this forum. I have read quite a few stories of people on here and so I decided to share my own.

I don't like being a muslim even if it is pretending to be one. It is just suffocating me so much to the point where I can't take it anymore. I want to live my own life independently without my parents or a religion dictating it. They even took me to Afghanistan to regain my faith but it has only done the opposite. I pretend to pray whenever my mom or siblings are watching me pray other than that I just sit there thinking about how I can escape their clutches. I have never fasted in Ramadan but only made it look like I did because in secret I would just eat. Not because I couldn't handle being hungry but because I was fed up of my parents and islam as a whole.

My dad told some of my cousins that I had ran away from home before. So my cousins and dad came up to me one day and told me that if I ever try to run away from home and or become a 'kafir' that they will beat me up, take me to Afghanistan and torture or kill me there because it was legal and no one would be able to stop them.

After getting this threat I am actually scared for my life and don't know what to do or how to get away from them. Can someone please help as I feel all the doors are closing for me right now.
- asbie
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Ex-Muslim from Hertfordshire
Reply #1 - August 24, 2016, 06:33 PM

Welcome to the forum Snow_man.

I am very sorry to hear about what you are experiencing from your family. I think for young ex-Muslims it tends to be most important to prioritize one's safety above anything else at first. If you feel that your parents might actually harm you at any moment, then I think contacting police authorities would be the appropriate course of action. However, you need to figure out a way to become financially independent and save some money, which will allow you to have a roof over your head when you do decide it is time to leave. Until then, do what you can to not arouse your parents' suspicion and stay safe.

It's one hell off a journey you've been on so far. Do keep us informed of how things are going.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Snow_man
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Reply #2 - August 24, 2016, 06:42 PM

Thanks Asbie

I am glad that you are showing an interest and taking the time to read my life story. Thanks for the great advice
- Snow_man
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Reply #3 - August 24, 2016, 06:45 PM

Quote from: asbie on August 24, 2016, 06:33 PM
Welcome to the forum Snow_man.

I am very sorry to hear about what you are experiencing from your family. I think for young ex-Muslims it tends to be most important to prioritize one's safety above anything else at first. If you feel that your parents might actually harm you at any moment, then I think contacting police authorities would be the appropriate course of action. However, you need to figure out a way to become financially independent and save some money, which will allow you to have a roof over your head when you do decide it is time to leave. Until then, do what you can to not arouse your parents' suspicion and stay safe.

It's one hell off a journey you've been on so far. Do keep us informed of how things are going.

Also what should i do if my dad comes looking for me once i move out?

And i don't know how i should confront them about being an atheist and moving out or should i just not confront them at all?
- asbie
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Reply #4 - August 24, 2016, 07:24 PM

I think you need a plan and resources for moving out first. As to how to confront them, I think it really comes down to how you expect them to react to it. It is possible that you might have to cut contact with them altogether if you fear for your own safety.

Quote from: Snow_man on August 24, 2016, 06:42 PM
Thanks Asbie

I am glad that you are showing an interest and taking the time to read my life story. Thanks for the great advice

Don't mention it, friend. You will get other advice as well, from experienced posters who have/are dealing with similar situations like yours.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Hsnake
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Ex-Muslim from Hertfordshire
Reply #5 - August 24, 2016, 10:06 PM

Welcome Sir!
- Snow_man
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Reply #6 - August 25, 2016, 01:42 AM

Thank you has
- three
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Reply #7 - August 25, 2016, 02:07 AM

I confess the end of your post is what strikes me the most.
If you have been threatened so then I would not suggest you ever tell anyone in your family that you have doubts, much less that you are apostate.
There are agencies that can help you.
Any domestic abuse shelter or advocacy group can advise you. I encourage you to contact them and with their guidance form an escape plan in case of emergencies.
I also suggest you cover your tracks completely. From internet to phone to who you confide in.
There have been many here in your situation who will have great advice, but all the long term planning in the world won´t give you back your life or health. If you have to leave before you are educated or flush with cash for your own safety, do it.
Take good care of yourself. And welcome.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #8 - August 25, 2016, 10:11 AM

[quote
Quote from: Snow_man on August 24, 2016, 06:45 PM
My dad told some of my cousins that I had ran away from home before. So my cousins and dad came up to me one day and told me that if I ever try to run away from home and or become a 'kafir' that they will beat me up, take me to Afghanistan and torture or kill me there because it was legal and no one would be able to stop them.

Hello Snow_man and welcome. Your story is indeed heartbreaking.

I just want to tell you one thing. Never go back to Afghanistan, never,. Even if you are apparently in good relations to your dad, cousins... If they are serious about it, even if you pretend to be a "good muslim", they could smell you that you are not. In Britain they can't do something, without being punished, so even if they want, they will think twice. There's another story with Afghanistan as you very well know. Don't go back there, regardless...
- Bee
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Reply #9 - August 25, 2016, 12:21 PM

I am sorry for your suffering. Your parents beating you is child abuse. Taking your money and phone is also abuse. Please make nonmuslim friends. You need a support system for physical needs as well as emotional.

You cannot change your family bit you can change yourself. Walk away from them, even run because they are hurting you. You deserve better.

For others in similar situations and living in the west, make friends with nonmuslims even Christians because they will help you even give you a place to live for a while.
Having to wear ripped and ragged clothes as a kid, every town in Canada has a charity store for buying cheap used clothing that is almost new or even some churches has a room full of free clothes for anyone to take once per month. Hindu temples, sikh temples also help people and give out food.

The unreligion, only one calorie
- Jedi
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Reply #10 - August 25, 2016, 12:28 PM

This is why it pisses me off that men get overlooked in these cases of domestic abuse which is exactly what this is and the police seldom give a shit.

Write everything down. Record all utterances, time, date and location. Write it ALL down. Make copies. Distribute it to your TUTOR, then one copy to a trust friend and of course hand one in to a police officer even your MP and tell them that if something happens to me then it is the fault of the authorities for not intervening despite actual physical and psychological violence and threat of kidnap and death that they have been aware of. That should put the shits up the laxidasical wankers.

You are in UNIVERSITY and you should know that the uni has a DUTY OF CARE towards you so inform your professors and tutors.

Your mental and physical health are a priority.

Keep sane.

Find a hobby.

No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
- INcePtion
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Reply #11 - August 25, 2016, 12:45 PM

I get the feeling that most of these organisation seldom give a shit.

They act only when shit gets totally out of hand.
- Snow_man
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Reply #12 - August 25, 2016, 01:51 PM

Thanks everyone for helping me through these difficult times, because I have asked everyone and they said they can't do anything because there is no proof and it is only my word against my parents word (that's exactly what the police told me when ran away last time). So from now on I will record everything whether it is what they say or what they do in my phone or on paper. And also will not let anyone doubt me until I run away from this hellish place.
- Jedi
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Reply #13 - August 25, 2016, 06:12 PM

Yes write everything down...record it on your mobile if you can....

But....the IMPORTANT thing is...

get your best education possible and concentrate on your future as well...

No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
- Shazmin
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Reply #14 - August 25, 2016, 07:43 PM

This is really fucked up.Hope everything goes well for you

17 Female Hijabi
- Aftab
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Reply #15 - August 26, 2016, 10:25 AM

wish you all the best bro stay safe
- babooshka
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Reply #16 - August 26, 2016, 11:57 AM

i'm really sad to read your story. stay strong snowman

i'm not sure if this link is any good but it might be worth giving them a call. they may be able to give you some advice.

refuge for men

http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-men/
- puzzlelover
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Reply #17 - August 26, 2016, 01:36 PM

Welcome Snow-Man. You will get a lot of good advice here. Unfortunately, your story, with some variation is not rare here.

You should inform your local police. You should of course inform your professors, but they may not be so well equipped to handle your situation, except to be witness after the fact (hopefully not). Your gender and religion especially (political correctness and all that), and the fact that all the abuse is taking place off campus, may introduce a level of complexity.

Have you spoken to your Uni Counselling Dept? They will be better able to advise you of several options to continue your education with the least amount of interference.

Meanwhile, be careful, be safe.
- farside
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Reply #18 - August 28, 2016, 09:43 PM

Quote from: Snow_man on August 24, 2016, 06:21 PM
. . . . So my cousins and dad came up to me one day and told me that if I ever try to run away from home and or become a 'kafir' that they will beat me up, take me to Afghanistan and torture or kill me there because it was legal and no one would be able to stop them. . .

The words of Muhammad, "Whoever changed his Islamic religion, then kill him," still echo through history.

Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 9, Book 84, No. 57 Some Zanadiqa (atheists) were brought to 'Ali and he burnt them. The news of this event, reached Ibn 'Abbas who said, "If I had been in his place, I would not have burnt them, as Allah's Apostle forbade it, saying, 'Do not punish anybody with Allah's punishment (fire).' I would have killed them according to the statement of Allah's Apostle, Whoever changed his Islamic religion, then kill him.

Kind Regards and Good Luck,
Farside of Wikiislam.net.
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Reply #19 - November 09, 2016, 03:06 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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