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Reply #2 - July 26, 2017, 01:31 AM
I think there is isolation is both speaking out and staying silent. I think it is the mental and spiritual separation that causes the feelings of isolation but this is exacerbated by the excommunication many ex-muslims experience and becomes a physical and emotional isolation as well.
Whilst I have openly rejected Islam and left the faith some time ago, I still feel that i am constantly censoring myself and unable to speak my mind amongst muslim family and friends. I try to be careful not to offend although sometimes I'd love to tell them I think it's all a load of shit and they're fools for following it (but what's the point?). I think they know how I really feel but they choose to believe I don't know the "real Islam" or that I am just being stubborn or stupid and I'll eventually come around.
At the end of the day if they're not trying to enforce it on me, I let it go and if anything i just feel very sad for them.
If they try dawah and get all preachy, I just say "aw yeah, aw yeah" until they're done, and then either change the subject or just simply say that i disagree.
I try to remind myself that they mean well even when they're being hurtful, but I also try to look out for myself and take a step back from them when I need to.
But I still feel very alone and like a cultural reject.
In some ways, rebuilding a relationship with them has made me feel more lonely because it is a constant reminder that we will never be "whole" again, that this is as good as it'll ever get, and that it could end again at any moment, that they have that power over me. When they were dead to me I had the opportunity to move on, but I didn't take it.
In my family being a "cultural muslim" is not an option, although even if it was I don't think I could have lived that life. If I could go back and chose again, I would still leave despite it being the most difficult and painful thing I will ever experience.
But that was my situation.
It may or may not be what you need to do.
Having said all that, after all these years it gets easier and easier for me. I am more easily able to brush off their words and have a laugh rather than a breakdown over them. It all still generally hurts but day to day I am able to get on and enjoy my life.
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