I nominate musivore for this
Small retaliation:
Fombles, I felt like writing something for you…but I’m not sure if this thing is going to work if I write with you and I in mind: there is just way too much love between us to make that tale even remotely interesting… Instead I’ve chose to write about two people from this forum, who obviously dislike each other. But underneath that hatred, is there something deeper, something more romantic, brewing? Hmmm, I wonder…
‘Jack, you’ve always been a prick’
‘I know. But I’m not like that with everyone. Just with you for some reason.’
‘Yeah, I noticed that…why is that?’
‘Because you’re a bastoor, and because I hate you?’
At that moment a look passed between them. It was as if they were looking at each other for the very first time, and with fresh eyes. Dolphin noticed Jack’s flowing locks and how they sat so comfortably on those broad, square shoulders of his. Jack, in turn noticed the amazing, piercing eyes that Dolphin possessed. Yes, he had respect for those eyes, and for the way they saw the world so clearly and so proficiently. But there was more, Jack thought….
He had also always had grudging respect for Dolpin’s brain. So where did the hatred stem from? Was it that Dolphin was the hero that Jack had always wanted to be? Or was it just straight-forward jealousy because he seemed to have every quality that seemed to appeal to the girls? Maybe it was simply because he looked so much like some cute, dashing young Canadian pop-star, whose name escaped him at that particular moment? He hated that fucking pop-star. Was that reason enough to hate Dolphin though? Perhaps not, thought Jack for the very first time? Dolphin was cute. Jack had to just accept that. Maybe it was precisely because he was cute, that Jack was so drawn to hate him.
Dolphin, meanwhile, was looking at Jack in a new light also. This kid who stood in front of him had grabbed his attention right from the very first moment he had entered his life. Why was he so drawn to this twat? Was it because he wanted to follow him around, and let the world know at every given opportunity how little he thought of this kid? Or was it simply that he never had any choice in the matter; he just had to follow kid around? Yes, thought Dolphin, that sounds like the only logical conclusion that can be drawn from the given variables, axioms and parameters in this particular quandary.
‘No, I don’t think that is the reason why you behave this way towards me’, replied Dolphin finally, still looking Jack straight in the eyes.
It was at this moment that the two simultaneously noticed the charge that had been building up around them; this electricity seemed to now surround them everywhere. There was something infectious in the air, and both Jack and Dolphin struggled to contain the excitement that was building up inexorably between them.
‘I’m sorry Dolphin.’
‘You will be…’
The physical distance that had existed between them, seemed to have been inexplicably bridged during this exchange. As, it seems, had the emotional distance between them. Without knowing how and why, Jack reached out and touched Dolphin’s cheek. At that moment, the mutual hatred between them seemed to transform into something much more significant, into something much more tangible, into something that left them both feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
‘Come here bastoor’, whispered Jack.
‘I’m already there; whispered back Dolphin, equally seductively, equally longingly…
The saga continues…
and this
One evening, under a starry, dreamy sky, a young man was finally united with his one true love, This was the one love for whom he had been put on this Earth for. Everything he had ever done in his life up to this point had been done for the sole purpose of leading him up to this magical moment. Tonight, finally, and after years of searching, he found himself in the sweet arms of his Goddess...
On this night, even the angels descended from the sky to witness the magical spectacle that was to be played out before their admiring eyes. These same angels were moved into plucking softly on the golden harps that accompanied them, producing tones that were both hypnotic and soothing in equal measure, and thus helping to produce the perfect ambience within which the young lovers would commit their beautiful act:
Can I kiss you, I think that’s the usual thing to do on such occasions?
No, no kissing
How about a peck on the cheek?
No, you have to pay more to do that.
How about a kiss on the shoulder? That might help my cause
No. Sorry. I try never to get personal
Listen, I’ve drunk way too much and am really struggling here. I need some help. And your ‘professional’ attitude is really not helping
No, you Listen. You have 5 minutes. If there is no movement down there by then, you’re out of the door. I’ve spent enough time on you already.
Fuck. Say something sexy please?
That costs more
On second thoughts, please keep your mouth shut, That might help.
Ok
*1 minute later*
Wow, now that you’re silent, and now that I’m focusing on you again, I’m so glad I chose you. From everyone in Amsterdam, you’re definitely the best.
What was it about me that you liked?
You seem to have all the right bits in all the right places.
Thank you. That’s one hell of a compliment
Hang on, I may have some movement here. Housten, we have lift off!!
Yes you’re right. Hey, isn’t that a cute little thing? Here, let me help you
*2 minutes later*
Wow that feels good. How is it for you?
You do realise you’re not in yet?
What? Are you sure? Shit. I wasted some of my best moves there. Hang on, I’ll try again.
What are you doing? What the fuck are you trying to do? In all my time, I’ve never known anyone to attempt entry like that??? How can you have one knee bent and still expect to come in at the angle you are trying to come in at
I’m just feeling creative babe.
This is the weirdest shit ever…do you even know what you’re doing? Hang on… are you a virgin?!!!
Virgin? Where? No way. Not me…Have my friends been specking to you? FFS.
Oh, that’s so cute
Shit… Shit, I’ve lost it again
That you have cutie. That’s a shame for you. Shall we call it a day?
Oh fuck. I really thought I was finally going to do it. Curse those 10 pints of Dutch courage. And fuck my feeble mind. And fuck my even feebler body
Well, I did try to fuck it…You’re cute. You’ll get your chances elsewhere
I’ve already blown enough chances to last a lifetime. I’ll add you to that list now.
I feel honoured cutie
Listen, do me a favour. When I get out, can you make out to my fiends that I did the deed and that I was actually really good? I’ve had years of abuse from them over not losing it
Sure, anything for you cutie
Thanks. I don’t even know your name?
You don’t need to know my name
Ok. Can I have that kiss on the shoulder now btw?
No. Like I said earlier, that costs more.
Ok. Fair enough…I’ll remember you forever, young lady.
And I’ll always remember you cutie. You’ll always be the one that got away.
Poll
Topic: Jester of the month!!