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Theme Changer

 Topic: Dealing with grief

 (Read 4873 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Dealing with grief
     OP - December 27, 2008, 02:23 AM

    HI everyone,
    My dog Joey died today (12th December 1999 - 27th December, 2008). He died horribly and unexpectedly. Anyway here he is in happier days:


    So my question is how do you guys deal with grief? I was previously in a religion (Christianity) when I had lost someone before, so of course I thought I'd "see them again". Now as an Atheist I do not have such a comfort. My sister is still a Christian and stuck in the "I'll see him again" loop, so she is no help.

    At least I gave him a cuddle and a kiss before he went outside  :'(

    Sorry to be such a downer - you can delete this thread if you want.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #1 - December 27, 2008, 02:48 AM

    Rather off-topic, but since dogs aren't supposed to have souls I'm not sure how Christianity would make you think you'd see him again. Meh.

    Anyway you just have to ride it out. All things pass, including dogs and grief. Life goes on.
    I'm a practical fucker when it comes to things like this but I'm not much good at platitudes. They always seem daft under the circumstances.

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #2 - December 27, 2008, 02:50 AM

    I'll add that I seem to have a rather strange attitude to death in that I expect it. Consequently it doesn't surprise me, if you get my drift. I think this helps me deal with it.

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #3 - December 27, 2008, 02:53 AM

    Thanks Os,

    In the Christianity that we grew up with we were taught that we'd have 'all our favourite things' in Heaven...including pets... hence we would 'see them again' ya know?

    Yeah I'm practical too regarding death usually, but I had no time to prepare for the death of my dog (he was mauled by two other dogs) so I am finding it hard to cope.

    Blah I dunno...never mind. (thanks though)
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #4 - December 27, 2008, 03:12 AM

    That's an odd form of Christianity. You get that I suppose.  grin12

    Yes I can see how under the circumstances you'd be badly shaken by it. It's a nasty way to go. Sorta fucks the old "well, he had a good life" platitude a bit. I can tell you I'd be bloody angry at the owners of those other dogs if it happened to my pet. Wouldn't want to catch me near those dogs either unless they were very  large.

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #5 - December 27, 2008, 06:50 AM

    Thanks Os,

    In the Christianity that we grew up with we were taught that we'd have 'all our favourite things' in Heaven...including pets... hence we would 'see them again' ya know?

    Yeah I'm practical too regarding death usually, but I had no time to prepare for the death of my dog (he was mauled by two other dogs) so I am finding it hard to cope.

    Blah I dunno...never mind. (thanks though)


    Oh dear  Cry, that's terrible.  I'm sorry for your loss Sani.

    Losing someone you love is tough under any circumstances, hugs like Os I;m no good with the platitudes, we just need to get up again after these losses and accept them and move on from them.

     Cry

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #6 - December 27, 2008, 07:18 AM

    Sorry to be such a downer - you can delete this thread if you want.

    Excellent.

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #7 - December 27, 2008, 07:26 AM

    Hmm, sorry about this dog. When I was really young we had this bad ass 'armant' that bit my mom while she was pregnant with me, so I was told. He would run after everyone in the street, and eventually died when he decided to take the tramway head on. Everyone in the area was so afraid of him that as some sort of a challenge perhaps, he actively decided to take on a tramway by playing chicken with it.

    Unfortunately, both the tramway as well as the dog won that day.

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #8 - December 27, 2008, 09:49 AM

    So my question is how do you guys deal with grief? I was previously in a religion (Christianity) when I had lost someone before, so of course I thought I'd "see them again". Now as an Atheist I do not have such a comfort. My sister is still a Christian and stuck in the "I'll see him again" loop, so she is no help.

    At least I gave him a cuddle and a kiss before he went outside  Cry

    Sorry to be such a downer - you can delete this thread if you want.


    Sorry to hear about your dog.
    It's been a hectic ole week for me (and family). My mother is still hanging on, though the doctors had suggested that she might not pull thru after the op. She is still hooked up to machines. The cancer spread much further that the scans/x-rays revealed.

    So I was prepared for grief this week. Hence my absence for a while.

    I even prayed. Everyone saying you must pray for your mother. How could I not even though deep down I did not believe it would have any effect?

    To think your pet is going to heaven so you can meet up in an afterlife is kin of naive. Its just pie in the sky teachings to make people in the faith.

    What if your child eventually became an idol worshipper? They are supposed to go to hell according to christianity and Islam. But you say your favourite things go to heaven.

    With heaven and hell you have such extremes. How can someone going to heaven really enjoy it knowing their loved ones may be in hell. I'd grieve more in heaven knowing people I loved were roasting in hell.

    Hence I'd rather not believe such places exist. Rather I'd like to think we all merged into some higher spirit if it exists or basically we just cease to be.

    Knowing Islam is the only true religion we do not allow propagation of any other religion. How can we allow building of churches and temples when their religion is wrong? Thus we will not allow such wrong things in our countries. - Zakir Naik
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #9 - December 27, 2008, 11:02 AM

    So my question is how do you guys deal with grief? I was previously in a religion (Christianity) when I had lost someone before, so of course I thought I'd "see them again". Now as an Atheist I do not have such a comfort. My sister is still a Christian and stuck in the "I'll see him again" loop, so she is no help.

    At least I gave him a cuddle and a kiss before he went outside  Cry

    Sorry to be such a downer - you can delete this thread if you want.


    Sorry to hear about your dog.
    It's been a hectic ole week for me (and family). My mother is still hanging on, though the doctors had suggested that she might not pull thru after the op. She is still hooked up to machines. The cancer spread much further that the scans/x-rays revealed.

    So I was prepared for grief this week. Hence my absence for a while.

    I even prayed. Everyone saying you must pray for your mother. How could I not even though deep down I did not believe it would have any effect?

    To think your pet is going to heaven so you can meet up in an afterlife is kin of naive. Its just pie in the sky teachings to make people in the faith.

    What if your child eventually became an idol worshipper? They are supposed to go to hell according to christianity and Islam. But you say your favourite things go to heaven.

    With heaven and hell you have such extremes. How can someone going to heaven really enjoy it knowing their loved ones may be in hell. I'd grieve more in heaven knowing people I loved were roasting in hell.

    Hence I'd rather not believe such places exist. Rather I'd like to think we all merged into some higher spirit if it exists or basically we just cease to be.


    My mother died last year of cancer that spread throughout her abdomen.

    I'm don't remember if I prayed or not, I was also losing my faith then, two losses at once, God and my mother died. I didn't fear hell so much as not being able to be rejoined with my mother, and being seperate from God (I forget in which order). In some ways I still avoid having to deal with her death, even more than a year past.

    The only consolation I have for the both of you is that time erodes pain. You will live, change comes without your permission, as it often does. Everyone of us must die, like the whole world before us. Live, and try to make the world a little better before you also leave. That is how you can honor your lost.

    "Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones." -Marcus Aurelius

    You both have nothing but my best wishes and good intentions.

    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #10 - December 27, 2008, 12:01 PM

    Sanitarium, I'm so sorry about your dog.  What a horrible thing to happen.   Cry

    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #11 - December 27, 2008, 08:09 PM

    I'm terribly sorry to hear about Joey, Sanitarium. I know that you must be feelling every bit as lousy as if you'd lost a close relative.
    Bar a couple of weeks, my pooch, Pepe, has been with me every day for 9 years, and I'll be gutted when she dies.
    I've not lost a dog since I was 7 and I can't remember much about how I felt but when I've lost close relatives it's taken about 3 years to get over it fully. I have no belief in anything so I don't have a problem like that after they've gone; I'm just grateful to have known them. So I guess that when you get over the initial shock of how Joey died, you will too.
    After that, they say that the best thing you can do is to get yourself another puppy. As you probably know, it'll keep you very busy and it'll help you over Joey's loss maybe.
    I should certainly report the two dangerous dogs in your neighbourhood  though. I may save someone else having to go through what you're going through. I don't know where you live but it's an offence in the UK to let your dog out loose.

    Religion is ignorance giftwrapped in lyricism.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #12 - December 27, 2008, 08:16 PM

    Sorry about your dog, Sani. I remember feeling very bad when I lost my previous cat. He was only seven months old.

    Islam: where idiots meet terrorists.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #13 - December 27, 2008, 10:08 PM

    I'm sorry for your loss Sanitarium.

    Grief is not something I've had to deal with yet, thankfully, but I will at some point. The one thing I miss about religion is the soul. The idea of the soul was always a great comfort to me, because all souls were equal, no matter the physical inequalities of human bodies. And most importantly, souls didn't die. The idea of losing a loved one and never being able to have a conversation with them again is just heart wrenching.

    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #14 - December 27, 2008, 10:28 PM

    Thanks for your thoughts everyone.. I stayed in my lounge room yesterday all day staring at the roof and crying. This is not the best strategy lol.... I was going to sleep in all day but then I remembered OTHER times when I was being lazy and slept too long Joey would hassle me to get out of bed, so I got up.

    I know some people may think "Oh its just an animal" but not to me. I have lost most of my family (they discarded me after I left Christianity) so I only have my sister and my dogs. (no one in this thread had made me feel like that btw).

    So I guess that when you get over the initial shock of how Joey died, you will too.

    Yes I certainly hope so. If he had died peacefully I would have been able to handle it a lot better I think. I have 2 other dogs and 1 (Joey's mother) is 12 years old. I'm so worried she's going to die soon.....I wouldnt' be able to take it.

    After that, they say that the best thing you can do is to get yourself another puppy. As you probably know, it'll keep you very busy and it'll help you over Joey's loss maybe.

    Thanks but I have 2 other dogs.. Scully and Mitch.

    I should certainly report the two dangerous dogs in your neighbourhood  though. I may save someone else having to go through what you're going through. I don't know where you live but it's an offence in the UK to let your dog out loose.

    yes its illegal here too. Animal control took them away yesterday...they had attacked two other dogs that morning before Joey. Thankfully those dogs will survive. What sucks is the Animal control guy didn't take any pictures while he was at my house so he called ~1 hour later and asked me to do it. The last memories I have of Joey are not good ones. Now I have to wait until court to testify (as a judge has to decide what to do with the dogs). I don't really understand that. These dogs are DANGEROUS.....they killed 1 dog and injured 2 more all in one morning! What's for a judge to decide here? PUT THEM DOWN! I'm so thankful the neighbours young children were not out there.


    Again thank you everyone for your thoughts and taking the time to reply to this thread; it really helps. **Hugs to all**

    -Sani
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #15 - December 27, 2008, 10:30 PM

    I'm sorry for your loss Sanitarium.

    Grief is not something I've had to deal with yet, thankfully, but I will at some point. The one thing I miss about religion is the soul. The idea of the soul was always a great comfort to me, because all souls were equal, no matter the physical inequalities of human bodies. And most importantly, souls didn't die. The idea of losing a loved one and never being able to have a conversation with them again is just heart wrenching.


    Thank you LOS,

    Yes I know what you mean. My sister keeps going on about how Joey is in a "mansion in the sky" waiting for us. At times like this I wish I could believe it...wrap myself back in the delusion but I can't. Even though I don't believe in any type of afterlife, I wish I could.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #16 - December 28, 2008, 12:02 AM

    Quote from: Sanitarium
    I have lost most of my family (they discarded me after I left Christianity) so I only have my sister and my dogs.

    Well I didn't know that.  You must be really courageous if you can reject Christianity at such a price. You have my utmost sympathy and respect, though I know that hardly helps.

    Islam: where idiots meet terrorists.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #17 - December 28, 2008, 01:58 PM

    My mother died last year of cancer that spread throughout her abdomen.

    I'm don't remember if I prayed or not, I was also losing my faith then, two losses at once, God and my mother died. I didn't fear hell so much as not being able to be rejoined with my mother, and being seperate from God (I forget in which order). In some ways I still avoid having to deal with her death, even more than a year past.

    The only consolation I have for the both of you is that time erodes pain. You will live, change comes without your permission, as it often does. Everyone of us must die, like the whole world before us. Live, and try to make the world a little better before you also leave. That is how you can honor your lost.

    "Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones." -Marcus Aurelius

    You both have nothing but my best wishes and good intentions.


    Awais, sorry to hear about your mother. I believe you are quite young so it must have been quite hard on you and the family.

    I know time will heal. But when the family goes thru the event it can be heart breaking.

    Knowing Islam is the only true religion we do not allow propagation of any other religion. How can we allow building of churches and temples when their religion is wrong? Thus we will not allow such wrong things in our countries. - Zakir Naik
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #18 - December 28, 2008, 07:01 PM

    Hi Sanitarium, and anyone else grief stricken: it's very important that you do cry. It's a way of helping to get strong emotions out of your system and dealing with them instead of bottling it all up. I know: I've done it both ways , and believe me it's alot better to have a good cry every time  you feel like it, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise because it's a sure sign that they've never experienced what you're going through.
    You'll come out at the other end of grief alot stronger and more positive if you let strong emotions have their rein.

    Religion is ignorance giftwrapped in lyricism.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #19 - December 28, 2008, 09:47 PM

    Thank you sojourner, I have been crying since it happened...it does not feel any better :( I can't even eat anything I am so upset.
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #20 - December 29, 2008, 01:47 AM

    Alright for some reason I'm feeling a little bit better now... I think I am starting to get over the way he died...

    Animal Control had ME take pictures of his injuries (What.the.fuck) and they picked up the camera today. Although they had said I had to testify in court, NOW they're saying they're gonna 'investigate'.

    I am SO SCARED that they will give those dogs back... I have 2 other dogs and I am terrified that the same thing will happen to them if they do give them back. Also that means Joey died for nothing.

    Anyway thanks for reading and put me on ignore if it becomes too much (does this forum have that feature?)
  • Re: Dealing with grief
     Reply #21 - December 29, 2008, 02:03 AM

    We do, but I don't think anyone will be dappy enough to put you on ignore over that.  Talk as much as you want to about it, 'swat we're here for.

    I can't believe they made you take the pictures.  That's rotten.  Fingers crossed they'll have the sense to not give the dogs back. hugs

    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
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