The Myth of the Sensitive New Age Nice GuyThe sensitive new age nice guy,
generally wears his hair in a ponytail,
and is in touch with that side of himself
he thinks of as female.
Although he says he wears no armor,
he wears his issues on his chest;
and so to have conversation with him,
you must get through
that invisible chain mail vest.
He reads an awful lot, about what women want,
in fact - he reads too much.
(I heard one quoting pages once,
and couldn't swallow my lunch.)
Where he gathers all his information,
has left him with a rather stunted imagination
he's an impossibly boring new age creation
completely incapable of cerebral masturbation.
But he is a master of doormat manipulation
Some might say I'm being a little rough,
after all he's just trying to be kind,
a gentle, sensitive, understanding, sweet man
is really a good find.
A genuinely caring man,
Well, of course there is nothing wrong with that,
It's just the lines falling from his mouth
come out sounding...
really flat.
He's having a hard time with his identity,
he talks about his different boundaries
he never yells, always says please,
and around him all you feel
is guilty,
guilty,
guilty.
Now as much as I'd hate to hear:
"Hey baby what's your sign",
it's no more entertaining than
a self help book quoted line for line.
He likes to cook, he likes to clean,
he has a very low self-esteem.
He finds it difficult to be prince charming
But I'm not Cinderella, honey,
and the prince is so dull it's alarming.
He doesn't understand why
women don't like "the too nice guy"
overlooking of course, what the "too" might imply.
In fact it's one of his most annoying traits,
besides
The Joy Of Sex quotes he makes.
Almost as bad as the "I'm a lesbian in a man's body" fakes.
He'll just never understand exactly what it takes.
"Touch yourself and show me how you like it done"
"I'm not hurting you now am I hon?"
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME HAVE SOME FUN!
(Some new age nice guy sex-therapist-with-a-book
is the real guilty one!)
Now, caring about how your partner is feeling
Is definitely an idea that is very appealing,
yet if this is what a woman is screaming:
(While ripping off your clothes)
"Oh yes! Do it! Fuck me now!"
simply shut up sweetheart, and do what you are told.
He finds with women he better relates,
and yet somehow he rarely dates.
He says he understands women's issues,
he also knows what it's like to be used.
He cries at soppy movies so you'd better have some tissues.
He knows EXACTLY how you feel
(he secretly reads Danielle Steel)
And though he'll never pass a watermelon through his rump,
nor does he bloat during that time of the month,
he has noticed that on a regular schedule
he gets into a grump!
He's secure in his masculinity,
so he's not threatened by a dominant personality.
He's attracted to women who come off assertively,
and since he can't make a decision for himself
it works out perfectly
...at least theoretically.
He's supportive of your sarcastic angstful poetry,
but, even so, he just won't find it very funny.
He'll point out the spelling mistakes rather promptly,
but not because on his ego you just went
stompity,
stompity,
stompity.
Topic: Poetry time - Favourite poems by others