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 Topic: Women making the first move?

 (Read 14216 times)
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  • Women making the first move?
     OP - June 01, 2009, 08:38 AM
    How do guys feel about this?

    I mean my ex would have been really put off by a lady making the first move, it would label her as a slut in his eyes.  Plus of course society is set up so that it is men who do the chasing and not the women and it's seen as unfeminine or desperate if the go against that.

    Thing is, I'm going out in 2 weeks for a weekend of fun and I intend to hit on someone to see if 1 - if I can do it, and 2 - if I enjoy doing it, and 3 - how easy it is lol  Cheesy

    So ladies have you ever hit on a man?  if so tell me about it.

    Fellas, have you been hit on by a woman?  tell me about.  Did your perception of the woman change because of her directness?  did you feel emasculated? did it lead to anything?  Tongue

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #1 - June 01, 2009, 08:53 AM
    If I like someone I will not mind making first move. If the person feels offended by confidence or enthusiasm, he was not probably worth anyway cool2
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #2 - June 01, 2009, 08:57 AM
    I know that, I could walk off like "oh he wasn't worth it anyway" and it would be true, but it would be a huge step back in my attempt to get back in the saddle so to speak.  Tongue

    Plus when you look as good as I do guys are too scared to approach you because you are so sexy they think you are out of their league.  Cheesy  oh the curse.   Wink
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #3 - June 01, 2009, 09:00 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 08:38 AM
    How do guys feel about this?

    I mean my ex would have been really put off by a lady making the first move, it would label her as a slut in his eyes.  Plus of course society is set up so that it is men who do the chasing and not the women and it's seen as unfeminine or desperate if the go against that.

    Thing is, I'm going out in 2 weeks for a weekend of fun and I intend to hit on someone to see if 1 - if I can do it, and 2 - if I enjoy doing it, and 3 - how easy it is lol  Cheesy

    So ladies have you ever hit on a man?  if so tell me about it.

    Fellas, have you been hit on by a woman?  tell me about.  Did your perception of the woman change because of her directness?  did you feel emasculated? did it lead to anything?  Tongue

    I've made the first move quite a few times, always worked fine for me Smiley I doubt you'll get many repercussions with the more liberal minded who aren't so up themselves. I asked my current bf for his number (I cant remember which one of us started the conversation first though, it might've been him). We're now in a very happy relationship.

    Don't dress like a slut though, that puts the more sensible men off and it might make you look like a slag if you hit on other men. A lot of it comes down to how you dress.
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #4 - June 01, 2009, 09:02 AM
    I've been hit on by girls - I think they should do it more often - especially if there is some guy they like.  There was a study done that people tend to like people who like them and I do believe that people are capable of falling in love with a wide range of people.

    The one thing I would say is that girls are pretty crappy at hitting on guys in general (I haven't been hit on by guys, so I don't know how crappy they are).  

    I would recommend that when interacting with the other person you need to have an attitude of "well so far I think you're cool - so let's see if you are good enough for me".  (Obviously you don't say this directly to them - but you challenge them by flirting and seeing if they flirt back, by seeing if they connect with you, seeing if they are fun etc.)

    This sends out much better vibes than "I'm easy" - especially if you've just met someone and barely know them (that goes for both guys and girls).
      
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #5 - June 01, 2009, 09:06 AM
    When it happened to me before (once by a gay man!) and I found it a complete turn off.  A less direct approach was more appealing.
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  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #6 - June 01, 2009, 09:06 AM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on June 01, 2009, 09:00 AM


    Don't dress like a slut though, that puts the more sensible men off and it might make you look like a slag if you hit on other men. A lot of it comes down to how you dress.


    How does a slut dress though peru?  I mean some of my clothes for going out could be called sluttish by uppity types, like shorts, short dresses or short skirts, but I certainly don't feel like a slut wearing them, nor do I believe myself to be one.

    I honestly wouldn't be interested in a dude who had an opinion on clothes and what they say about a woman. 

    Quote from: hupla on June 01, 2009, 09:02 AM
    I've been hit on by girls - I think they should do it more often - especially if there is some guy they like.  There was a study done that people tend to like people who like them and I do believe that people are capable of falling in love with a wide range of people.

    The one thing I would say is that girls are pretty crappy at hitting on guys in general (I haven't been hit on by guys, so I don't know how crappy they are). 

    I would recommend that when interacting with the other person you need to have an attitude of "well so far I think you're cool - so let's see if you are good enough for me".  (Obviously you don't say this directly to them - but you challenge them by flirting and seeing if they flirt back, by seeing if they connect with you, seeing if they are fun etc.)

    This sends out much better vibes than "I'm easy" - especially if you've just met someone and barely know them (that goes for both guys and girls).
     


    Well I've never done it, so I doubt I will be a pro at this lol but I was just going to be mannish about it and offer to buy him a drink, since that's what men do.

    That's crap isn;t it?  Tongue

    Go on, give me an example of a good approach.  Cheesy
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #7 - June 01, 2009, 09:08 AM
    Quote from: IsLame on June 01, 2009, 09:06 AM
    When it happened to me before (once by a gay man!) and I found it a complete turn off.  A less direct approach was more appealing.


    Can you describe how it happened and what a less direct approach would seem like so that I can compare the two and see what about it was such a turn off?
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #8 - June 01, 2009, 09:10 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:06 AM
    How does a slut dress though peru?  I mean some of my clothes for going out could be called sluttish by uppity types, like shorts, short dresses or short skirts, but I certainly don't feel like a slut wearing them, nor do I believe myself to be one.

    I honestly wouldn't be interested in a dude who had an opinion on clothes and what they say about a woman. 

    All of those are my definition of sluttish Tongue But then again I don't mind wearing them myself so meh Tongue
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #9 - June 01, 2009, 09:13 AM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on June 01, 2009, 09:10 AM
    All of those are my definition of sluttish Tongue But then again I don't mind wearing them myself so meh Tongue


    I don't feel comfortable with the idea of dressing down before hitting on some guy to give a different impression of who I really am though.

    This is who I am, this is how I dress, don't like it, then fuck off. (not to you obviously, to any man who would lay a judgement on me when I am actually just wearing clothes I think are nice)
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #10 - June 01, 2009, 09:24 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:06 AM
    Well I've never done it, so I doubt I will be a pro at this lol but I was just going to be mannish about it and offer to buy him a drink, since that's what men do.

    Buying drinks is definitely a bad idea as an opener.  Subconsciously that is saying to the other person "you're so much better than me that I have to give you stuff so that you'll talk to/sleep with me"

    Going up to someone, being a friendly person that people like being about, having a good time and seeing if they want to join in is basically what you need to do.

    Stuff you could do to open conversations:

    Comment on stuff:
    "that's an interesting belt/tie/tatoo" (only if it is actually interesting)


    In an ironic way, use cheesy guy lines:
    "So do you come here often?"
    "what's your star sign?"
    "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
    "How you doin'?"

    As a start, I would suggest actually going up to a whole pile of guys and using cheesy guy lines just for your own amusement (i.e. not to hit on guys, just to get some conversations in. Note it has to be something you do for fun - if it is a chore, it will give you a bad vibe)

  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #11 - June 01, 2009, 09:27 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:13 AM
    This is who I am, this is how I dress, don't like it, then fuck off. (not to you obviously, to any man who would lay a judgement on me when I am actually just wearing clothes I think are nice)

    That is the correct attitude to have.  There is a truth in "be yourself" - the bit that isn't properly captured in that however is "be the best you".
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #12 - June 01, 2009, 09:31 AM
    There's this older girl at work that flirts with me and sends me dirty jokes in text messages, (and I send some back), but her being older (35ish, I always get hit on by older chicks Huh?) intimidates me. That and I'm just a shy guy anyway. whistling2
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #13 - June 01, 2009, 09:35 AM
    35? Grab her. Seriously.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #14 - June 01, 2009, 09:43 AM
    Quote from: hupla on June 01, 2009, 09:24 AM
    Buying drinks is definitely a bad idea as an opener.  Subconsciously that is saying to the other person "you're so much better than me that I have to give you stuff so that you'll talk to/sleep with me"

     yes Don't buy him a drink. Just chat him up and if he buys you a drink then you are getting somewhere Smiley
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #15 - June 01, 2009, 09:47 AM
    Oh bloody hell, if you're going to do it do it right. Spot a guy that turns you on, walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and say "I wanna fuck you".
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #16 - June 01, 2009, 09:48 AM
    Quote from: hupla on June 01, 2009, 09:24 AM
    Buying drinks is definitely a bad idea as an opener.  Subconsciously that is saying to the other person "you're so much better than me that I have to give you stuff so that you'll talk to/sleep with me"


    Is that only if it is a woman asking to buy a man a drink?  or is it the same in reverse because I honestly never thought that when a man offered to buy me a drink it was a self esteem issue.  wacko

    Anyway I wasn't keen on asking to buy someone a drink anyway, I like my money and don't like spending it on others for no good reason.  Cheesy

    Quote
    Going up to someone, being a friendly person that people like being about, having a good time and seeing if they want to join in is basically what you need to do.

    Stuff you could do to open conversations:

    Comment on stuff:
    "that's an interesting belt/tie/tatoo" (only if it is actually interesting)


    Isn't this just general chit chat?  because if not it must appear that I am hitting on men and women all the time.  wacko


    Quote
    In an ironic way, use cheesy guy lines:
    "So do you come here often?"
    "what's your star sign?"
    "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
    "How you doin'?"



    *scribbles notes furiously*  Cheesy

    Quote
    As a start, I would suggest actually going up to a whole pile of guys and using cheesy guy lines just for your own amusement (i.e. not to hit on guys, just to get some conversations in. Note it has to be something you do for fun - if it is a chore, it will give you a bad vibe)




    Like a whole pile of guys in a group?  that would be far too intimidating for me lol. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #17 - June 01, 2009, 09:50 AM
    Quote from: osmanthus on June 01, 2009, 09:47 AM
    Oh bloody hell, if you're going to do it do it right. Spot a guy that turns you on, walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and say "I wanna fuck you".


     Cheesy  Eh no way.  Cheesy

    Quote from: hupla on June 01, 2009, 09:27 AM
    That is the correct attitude to have.  There is a truth in "be yourself" - the bit that isn't properly captured in that however is "be the best you".

    But isn't that saying in it's own way that you aren't the best you, therefore not good enough as you are?

    Is the best me someone who wears a knee length skirt or someone who wears a short skirt?  I mean they are the exact same person.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #18 - June 01, 2009, 09:53 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:50 AM
    Cheesy  Eh no way.  Cheesy

    Mate, it'd work. Guarantee it.  grin12
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #19 - June 01, 2009, 09:53 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:48 AM
    Is that only if it is a woman asking to buy a man a drink?  or is it the same in reverse because I honestly never thought that when a man offered to buy me a drink it was a self esteem issue.  wacko

    Anyway I wasn't keen on asking to buy someone a drink anyway, I like my money and don't like spending it on others for no good reason.  Cheesy

    It only applies to women. We're not quite over this social norm yet Wink

    Quote
    Isn't this just general chit chat?  because if not it must appear that I am hitting on men and women all the time.  wacko

    Those are my usual chat up lines too but I make it obvious I'm flirting Tongue


    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #20 - June 01, 2009, 09:54 AM
    Quote from: osmanthus on June 01, 2009, 09:53 AM
    Mate, it'd work. Guarantee it.  grin12


    Yeah, no doubt lol but then I need to question whether I'm after just a really good session of sex because it's been so damn long, or whether I want to respect him in the morning too.  Cheesy
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #21 - June 01, 2009, 09:54 AM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on June 01, 2009, 09:43 AM
    yes Don't buy him a drink. Just chat him up and if he buys you a drink then you are getting somewhere Smiley

    Just another comment on the psychology behind cheesy opening lines - and how that mirrors that behind buying drinks.  The reason cheesy opening lines are usually a bad idea as well is that they communicate the same "I am so beneath you that I have to buy you stuff to get you to talk to me"  - i.e. "I need to say something funny to you so that you'll talk to me".

    If you are using the cheesy opening lines the way I've said above, you should be aiming to (indirectly) communicate to the other person is "I'm a cool fun person - and I'm letting you join in the fun.  This is a test - if you pass it, I might talk to you some more"
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #22 - June 01, 2009, 09:57 AM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on June 01, 2009, 09:53 AM
    It only applies to women. We're not quite over this social norm yet Wink
    Those are my usual chat up lines too but I make it obvious I'm flirting Tongue





    Darn it, flirting online is so much easier.  finmad
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #23 - June 01, 2009, 09:59 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:57 AM
    Darn it, flirting online is so much easier.  finmad

    Cheesy

    "Hey baby, wasup? Asl? You got a cam? I got a cam Wink"
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #24 - June 01, 2009, 10:02 AM
    Quote from: hupla on June 01, 2009, 09:54 AM
    Just another comment on the psychology behind cheesy opening lines - and how that mirrors that behind buying drinks.  The reason cheesy opening lines are usually a bad idea as well is that they communicate the same "I am so beneath you that I have to buy you stuff to get you to talk to me"  - i.e. "I need to say something funny to you so that you'll talk to me".

    If you are using the cheesy opening lines the way I've said above, you should be aiming to (indirectly) communicate to the other person is "I'm a cool fun person - and I'm letting you join in the fun.  This is a test - if you pass it, I might talk to you some more"


    Why does it look so easy when men do it? lol this is all getting so complicated.

    There is this one guy I have my eye on, he lives up near where a friend of mine lives, near luton.  I need an action plan.  My plan had just been to simply go up to him and start a conversation.  The drink thing was only because I assumed it was expected.  Cheesy
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #25 - June 01, 2009, 10:04 AM
    Quote from: awais on June 01, 2009, 09:59 AM
    Cheesy

    "Hey baby, wasup? Asl? You got a cam? I got a cam Wink"



    Haha well it's usually less direct if it's me involved.  You've seen my flirting style, it's more tongue and cheek and jokes galore.  Once the pulse is racing just on the subtle and not so subtle innuendos, then it's progressing to image swapping and other stuff that we need not go in to.  Tongue
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #26 - June 01, 2009, 10:05 AM
    Just chat him up. You must fancy him a bit to be so nervous about not wanting to fuck it up Smiley.
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #27 - June 01, 2009, 10:06 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:54 AM
    Yeah, no doubt lol but then I need to question whether I'm after just a really good session of sex because it's been so damn long, or whether I want to respect him in the morning too.  Cheesy

    You don't give a damn about respecting him in the morning.  Afro
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #28 - June 01, 2009, 10:06 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 10:04 AM
    progressing to image swapping and other stuff that we need not go in to.  Tongue

    Mmm, yummy, "other stuff" *drool* Wink.
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Women making the first move?
     Reply #29 - June 01, 2009, 10:09 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2009, 09:08 AM
    Can you describe how it happened and what a less direct approach would seem like so that I can compare the two and see what about it was such a turn off?

    Her name was Helen, and she was from Wales (and rather rotund, like most of the Helens I have ever known).  Anyway she was always quite brash & loud.  Her approach was switching the music on loud and jumping into my bed and I ended up leaving the room.  A less direct approach would be maintaining eye contact, staying in the vicinity and smiling - makes you look more approachable and how I met my previous girlfriend Camilla.
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