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 Topic: She knows

 (Read 5655 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • She knows
     OP - November 21, 2009, 09:37 PM
    Those of you that know me will know that my wife is not aware of my apostacy. Last night we were having a conversation about Hajj and we went quiet for a while and then she remarked 'I don't think you believe in God really'. I stayed quiet and then we slowly changed topic.

    I think she knows.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #1 - November 21, 2009, 09:40 PM
    She's getting warmer. Just say "What if I didn't?" Would you test the waters?
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #2 - November 21, 2009, 09:59 PM
    What was that you said during the conversation(or any other time) which might have hinted it to her?
    "In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan

  • Re: She knows
     Reply #3 - November 21, 2009, 10:08 PM
    Women aren't stupid. They are often disconcertingly perceptive. Particularly if they are living with you full time. It could be any of a multitude of little things that tipped her off. I'll bet she knows.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #4 - November 21, 2009, 10:14 PM
    You might be able to breath a sigh of relief. Muslims make all this hoo haa about "broken nikkah" blah blah blah, but most will risk living in "sin" than breaking up a marriage.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #5 - November 21, 2009, 10:25 PM
    Quote from: pakman on November 21, 2009, 09:37 PM
    Those of you that know me will know that my wife is not aware of my apostacy. Last night we were having a conversation about Hajj and we went quiet for a while and then she remarked 'I don't think you believe in God really'. I stayed quiet and then we slowly changed topic.

    I think she knows.


    I'm sure she must sense it - but unless you come out and say it, she will probably prefer to keep up the illusion that you may still have some faith deep down.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #6 - November 21, 2009, 10:43 PM
    Yep, I think she would prefer to keep this dirty secret under the carpet
    My Book     news002       
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  • Re: She knows
     Reply #7 - November 21, 2009, 11:03 PM
    sounds like a healthy way to proceed in an honest open trusting relationship.  no point talking to her i suppose?
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #8 - November 21, 2009, 11:06 PM
    I've already told my wife, it was not even a big deal (as I suspected it might be) but then I did tell her "I am not saying there isn't a god, I am just saying you can't prove it or disprove it"
    Left the forum: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=22997
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #9 - November 21, 2009, 11:07 PM
    It's like a state of denial for them. I suppose if she isn't bothered, then it's a good thing. Then again, I have always thought whether these people take their own beliefs seriously, knowing (according to islam) that they are sinning. How do they square the circle?
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #10 - November 21, 2009, 11:12 PM
    I don't know, but the funny thing is once my wife said to me "YOUR GOD" she thinks I believe in some kind of a god, I've not pushed her into trying to explain agnosticism or atheism to her. But then again my wife genuinely loves me I don't know if the situation would have been the same if her love was conditional i,e that I am a Muslim.
    Left the forum: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=22997
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #11 - November 21, 2009, 11:13 PM
    Quote from: pakman on November 21, 2009, 09:37 PM
    Those of you that know me will know that my wife is not aware of my apostacy. Last night we were having a conversation about Hajj and we went quiet for a while and then she remarked 'I don't think you believe in God really'. I stayed quiet and then we slowly changed topic.

    I think she knows.



    Wouldn't it be soo nice to have freedom of non-belief?

    The more people come out more it make it easier for others.

    But we are not always brave.

    For sake of peace we accept the most odious of contradictions in our lives.....


    Ah love could you and I not grasp this thing entire? and shatter it to bits? and build it nearer to our heart's desire?









    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #12 - November 21, 2009, 11:31 PM
    What was her reaction during the period of topic transition during the conversation?

    She sounds understanding to have not gone raging at you like my rents did.
    Hear ye -->> DONATE TO CEMB

    Relativism | Cognitive dissonance | Cognitive biases | Memeplex | Consequentialism
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #13 - November 21, 2009, 11:44 PM
    We were talking about how some people to go Hajj and have great uplifting spiritual experiences. I told her that I'm not really a spiritual person. It saddens her immensely and she knows I don't believe. We just don't discuss it openly. She is really scared of official confirmation. The whole situation is so confusing for me. Talk about mixed emotions.

    I one hand I feel like shouting and celebrating my apostacy. On the otherhand I don't want to hurt my loved ones because faith means so much to them.

    I did tell her that we don't choose what we believe, we either believe or we don't. IF I don't then it is God who made me like this.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #14 - November 21, 2009, 11:47 PM
    Quote
    I one hand I feel like shouting and celebrating my apostacy. On the otherhand I don't want to hurt my loved ones because faith means so much to them.


    And that is the crux of the matter. Faith means so much to them....
    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #15 - November 22, 2009, 09:36 AM
    Quote from: Rubaiyat on November 21, 2009, 11:47 PM
    And that is the crux of the matter. Faith means so much to them....


    What can we offer them instead? A philosophy built on reason such as existentialism or utilitarianism? Isn't it just easier for them to believe in heavenly rewards and the chance to see their long gone relatives again?
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #16 - November 22, 2009, 10:09 AM
    Quote from: doubtfool on November 21, 2009, 11:03 PM
    sounds like a healthy way to proceed in an honest open trusting relationship.  no point talking to her i suppose?




    Yes, exactly what I was thinking.
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #17 - November 23, 2009, 04:14 AM
    Tell her. Now. Or would you rather walk on egg shells for the rest of your life? The sooner you get this out into the open, the better. It isn't healthy to bottle feelings up, or to sweep important issues like this under the carpet - especially in a marriage. You only get one shot at life; one chance to be happy. If she doesn't care, well then great. If she wants to leave you, that's great too. You'll both be happier, whatever the outcome. Holding your tongue will make you both miserable.

    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on November 22, 2009, 09:36 AM
    Isn't it just easier for them to believe in heavenly rewards and the chance to see their long gone relatives again?

    Not sure if you were being ironic, but I found that insulting. Why should we sit back, rational and "enlightened", while others waste their lives thinking it's only a test? I see it as a moral obligation to at least try to relieve those we care about of their superstitions. What you suggest is like figuring out the cure for cancer and keeping it to yourself. It isn't right.
    You need to read this book.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #18 - November 23, 2009, 04:32 AM
    Quote from: osmanthus on November 21, 2009, 10:08 PM
    Women aren't stupid. They are often disconcertingly perceptive. Particularly if they are living with you full time. It could be any of a multitude of little things that tipped her off. I'll bet she knows.


    yep, my wife said she knew about me since the first day we married (10 years ago).  grin12

    I did not know I was that obvious...
    ...
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #19 - November 23, 2009, 04:35 AM
    Quote from: King Tut on November 21, 2009, 11:06 PM
    I've already told my wife, it was not even a big deal (as I suspected it might be) but then I did tell her "I am not saying there isn't a god, I am just saying you can't prove it or disprove it"


    well said Tut  Afro
    ...
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #20 - November 23, 2009, 06:05 AM
    Quote from: pakman on November 21, 2009, 11:44 PM
    We were talking about how some people to go Hajj and have great uplifting spiritual experiences. I told her that I'm not really a spiritual person. It saddens her immensely and she knows I don't believe. We just don't discuss it openly. She is really scared of official confirmation. The whole situation is so confusing for me. Talk about mixed emotions.

    I one hand I feel like shouting and celebrating my apostacy. On the otherhand I don't want to hurt my loved ones because faith means so much to them.

    I did tell her that we don't choose what we believe, we either believe or we don't. IF I don't then it is God who made me like this.


    Meh, personally I'd say that, "I no longer believe but I will support you if you wish to continue being a Muslim". I don't see it as strange but I guess given my mum is protestant and father is catholic, I'm used to two different points of view.

    The only thing I would expect is being allowed to drink alcohol and eat pork Tongue
    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #21 - November 23, 2009, 06:12 AM
    Quote from: kaiwai on November 23, 2009, 06:05 AM
    The only thing I would expect is being allowed to drink alcohol and eat pork Tongue


    Nopes. In the Muslim world you're expected to get divorced!
    ...
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #22 - November 23, 2009, 07:52 AM
    Quote
    Not sure if you were being ironic, but I found that insulting. Why should we sit back, rational and "enlightened", while others waste their lives thinking it's only a test? I see it as a moral obligation to at least try to relieve those we care about of their superstitions. What you suggest is like figuring out the cure for cancer and keeping it to yourself. It isn't right.


    It's supposed to be ironic and a way to make them see, if this is the real reason for their belief or if they are able to justify it otherwise. As for rational discussions with relative and friends. I have had the experience of doing this. They really don't want to know.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #23 - November 23, 2009, 09:57 AM
    I find it quite amazing that so many here call themselves 'apostates' and yet they can't bring themselves to tell the only people that their decision really affects - parents, wives, kids etc. I'm sure there are a lot of compassionate reasons for the deceit (as well as potential worries - and I'm not addressing this to those in poss danger) - but how can you live like that? I mean is one really an apostate if the only people they tell are their mates on the internet?
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #24 - November 23, 2009, 10:08 AM
     Why should we sit back, rational and "enlightened", while others waste their lives thinking it's only a test? I see it as a moral obligation to at least try to relieve those we care about of their superstitions. What you suggest is like figuring out the cure for cancer and keeping it to yourself. It isn't right.
    [/quote]

    please don't sit back "rational and enlightened"  if you KNOW that life is not "only" a test join the forum with Omar and please elaborate your enlightened beliefs (or are they more than beliefs do you have certainty).  I would love to see your enlightened proofs.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #25 - November 23, 2009, 10:12 AM
    Quote from: Jack Torrance on November 23, 2009, 09:57 AM
    I find it quite amazing that so many here call themselves 'apostates' and yet they can't bring themselves to tell the only people that their decision really affects - parents, wives, kids etc. I'm sure there are a lot of compassionate reasons for the deceit (as well as potential worries - and I'm not addressing this to those in poss danger) - but how can you live like that? I mean is one really an apostate if the only people they tell are their mates on the internet?


    We don't need your judgement on this. Just like we don't need a religious sanction for our thoughts.

    My loss of faith is my private affair. It is nothing to do with you.


    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #26 - November 23, 2009, 10:16 AM
    I'm sure you don't. but whe  posting on a public forum, expect to hear things that will piss you off. So sorry can't be more helpful, just keep on doing what you doing i guess Afro


    *Private affair, er, yes, ok. Zip.
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #27 - November 23, 2009, 10:23 AM
    I'm sure you don't. but whe  posting on a public forum, expect to hear things that will piss you off.
    ---------

    Nothing pisses me off.

    It is not the pissing off that I am referring to.

    It is passing judgement on something that is to some is a private affair - Whether to tell your parents that you lost your faith. Your loss of faith is your private affair. It does not have to involve them.

    You can discuss publicly your loss of faith. That is different from making the decision to tell your parents or not.

    Losing your faith does not always mean that you need to have a march like the Gay Pride march...
    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #28 - November 23, 2009, 10:28 AM
    Best to steer clear of forums then, bound to end in tears if you dont want opinions.
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: She knows
     Reply #29 - November 23, 2009, 10:34 AM
    I for example have told only few people about my apostacy and made it clear to them that it stays private and that I have no intention of following another religion as I have discovered that all Religions are man made bullsh*t. My name is RIBS.... I joined this forum to release some steam and I found many nice people here who listened and comforted me and is fine and healthy I guess!
    ...
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