Missing the hijab?

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- Stardust
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Missing the hijab?
OP - December 06, 2009, 06:52 AM

Does anyone else sort of miss it?

Partly because some women manage to wear it really nicely, and there are very pretty scarfs out there. Although I've never managed to wear the scarf well - always ended up in a mess usually lol.

And partly because it sort of provides a 'barrier', I've realized since taking it off. Before the scarf almost acted as a mask to me (I didnt wear the face veil), but still it felt like when I wore it I could almost leave behind my vunrabilites etc and I felt confident (plus I could hide the hyperpigmentation on one side of my face). It was a barrier for my emotions almost, with it on I was this 'strong girl', work focused etc.

Now with hair out - I don't have nice hair, it's really flyaway, thin type and gets messy easily in the wind. I feel like im alway fighting the hair! lol, but I look better without the scarf...Just i felt more confident in one sense with the scarf on, but in another sense I felt it was almost like a barrier between me and everyone which I didn't want.

I guess, I'm sort of developing a 'new me' as it were, although i've had it off for a few months now. It's strange, with the scarf on i was a bit more tomb boyish i suppose. After all I did develop as a person with the scarf always on, perhaps I actually formed the barrier along with growing into myself, now without it, the question is who am i? How do I define myself. Hmm. There could be other factors making me ask these questions though.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #1 - December 06, 2009, 07:13 AM

I don't think that's confidence. That sounds like a crutch, a mask, like a helmet. Its better to build your own confidence inside you by experience rather than rely on a piece of cloth I think. I'm not a girl so I guess women differ in how they see these things.

And yeah, I think it is about redifining yourself. The scarf was sort of a symbol of who you one were right? So it takes time to develop a new mindset after letting go of something that was once so integral. I think it's a matter of change and the pains that come with it. In the long term you're better off with out it.

My male 2c.

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #2 - December 06, 2009, 07:45 AM

Quote from: stardust on December 06, 2009, 06:52 AM
Does anyone else sort of miss it?

Partly because some women manage to wear it really nicely, and there are very pretty scarfs out there. Although I've never managed to wear the scarf well - always ended up in a mess usually lol.

And partly because it sort of provides a 'barrier', I've realized since taking it off. Before the scarf almost acted as a mask to me (I didnt wear the face veil), but still it felt like when I wore it I could almost leave behind my vunrabilites etc and I felt confident (plus I could hide the hyperpigmentation on one side of my face). It was a barrier for my emotions almost, with it on I was this 'strong girl', work focused etc.

Now with hair out - I don't have nice hair, it's really flyaway, thin type and gets messy easily in the wind. I feel like im alway fighting the hair! lol, but I look better without the scarf...Just i felt more confident in one sense with the scarf on, but in another sense I felt it was almost like a barrier between me and everyone which I didn't want.

I guess, I'm sort of developing a 'new me' as it were, although i've had it off for a few months now. It's strange, with the scarf on i was a bit more tomb boyish i suppose. After all I did develop as a person with the scarf always on, perhaps I actually formed the barrier along with growing into myself, now without it, the question is who am i? How do I define myself. Hmm. There could be other factors making me ask these questions though.

Have you tried putting on a hair band or using clips to keep your hair out of your way? It's natural that you'd miss something you wore much of the time, you could also look into wearing a baseball cap or something like that to help you transition. Of course, you could always go back to wearing the hijab, just for the sake of comfort. There's nobody who's stopping you, ultimately what you do with yourself and your body is your own choice. What you wear though, is not the only thing that defines you... maybe you could try out some different clothes and accessories, but even so, you might also want to try and refocus your thoughts away from only what you're wearing and more towards other interests that you have, books, music, movies, school, friends, sports, etc. etc.

Eventually, you'll get more used to being without a hijab, it's a matter of taking the time to get used to a change.

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #3 - December 06, 2009, 07:49 AM

Quote from: Kafirist on December 06, 2009, 07:13 AM
I don't think that's confidence. That sounds like a crutch, a mask, like a helmet. Its better to build your own confidence inside you by experience rather than rely on a piece of cloth I think. I'm not a girl so I guess women differ in how they see these things.

And yeah, I think it is about redifining yourself. The scarf was sort of a symbol of who you one were right? So it takes time to develop a new mindset after letting go of something that was once so integral. I think it's a matter of change and the pains that come with it. In the long term you're better off with out it.

My male 2c.

You're right, It's a part of my I didn't have to face with the scarf on, didn't have to develop my confidence in every part of me. Same with my body too, you know, just low confidence. It is getting better though, but I can tell my feeling of self worth is fragile - think it's because of other factors, but the whole 'hiding away' helped me not face it. I do it at home sometimes, put a scarf on (only covering my hair, not neck etc) or bandana or something to put me in 'work frame'

Well I never liked the scarf, but it was always there, and yeah i started making it more my own.

Oh! i just realised something...my mum does that (sort of), well she always wheres the scarf at home, but particularly she tucks her hair away in some cap thing you can by for hijabs (but her neck can be showing), maybe she feels a similar way...hmm interesting.

Anyway, im not even sure where the level of confidence lies, as in the boundary between confidence and cockiness/arrogance.

I know, it's because I always wore the scarf outside the house, so there's the division! Leaving everything at home, when I went to school/university, and differentiating it with the scarf!
hmm must have ended up subconciensly associating the scarf with that...

Actually its been about a year since I had it off.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #4 - December 06, 2009, 08:01 AM

Quote from: allat on December 06, 2009, 07:45 AM
Have you tried putting on a hair band or using clips to keep your hair out of your way? It's natural that you'd miss something you wore much of the time, you could also look into wearing a baseball cap or something like that to help you transition. Of course, you could always go back to wearing the hijab, just for the sake of comfort. There's nobody who's stopping you, ultimately what you do with yourself and your body is your own choice. What you wear though, is not the only thing that defines you... maybe you could try out some different clothes and accessories, but even so, you might also want to try and refocus your thoughts away from only what you're wearing and more towards other interests that you have, books, music, movies, school, friends, sports, etc. etc.

Eventually, you'll get more used to being without a hijab, it's a matter of taking the time to get used to a change.

I guess I could still wear a bandana in a way that will hide it still and have that feeling of constraint hair there still. Yeah, clothes shouldn't define you, and they don't it's more to do with a feeling of comfort. Hmm I did think, while back, of putting the scarf on again, but I think that will be a step back from where i want to be.

I don't really have friends (other than my bf, and an msn friend in america), don't really have time for books or movies these days, music is a distraction(but I love it), I should really be working on a report right now, although im on a 'break' i'll start back in a few mins.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #5 - December 06, 2009, 10:31 AM

Quote from: stardust on December 06, 2009, 06:52 AM
Does anyone else sort of ..

No. Hard to miss it though while I am in cairo right now

Headdress had always been a source for masking and accessorizing as a source to control the levels of self-confidence. Men go bald, but if we were a headdress then it makes no difference. Headdresses can also have a very strong and immediate impact on the wearer.

The issue with a veil being a headdress. Is it makes women look like maids. Take a picture of a bunch of women together. If a couple of them are veiled, the veiled ones will look like maids.

If you miss a headdress, get a cowboy hat.

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #6 - December 06, 2009, 11:44 AM

A bandana may be a cool thing to try.

As for your hair, you could try some hair products to make it easier to look after. I find hair serum is a godsend! It might add some thickness to your hair too (just make sure you get the creamy serum, not the water/oily type).

You could use your hair to start developing a new you without a scarf. Get it styled maybe? Just do whatever helps you see it as a replacement for a scarf.

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #7 - December 06, 2009, 02:28 PM

I have my moments when I see a woman wearing a hijab in a style I like and I go, 'Gee, if I still wore hijab I would try out that style!'.

For the most part though, I don't miss it. I don't miss the feeling of pinched ears which are numb after a day plastered tightly to the sides of my head nor the sweltering under the scarf on a hot, sunny day.

As for my hair, I keep it very short as it's a complete nightmare when it's long, thus making hair care and maintenance a snap!

Although, I do dye it as with age my grays are starting to show, that's the downside of short hair!

Other than my first point, I am thankful every day that I no longer wear hijab!

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #8 - December 06, 2009, 04:47 PM

Quote from: Nour on December 06, 2009, 02:28 PM
I have my moments when I see a woman wearing a hijab in a style I like and I go, 'Gee, if I still wore hijab I would try out that style!'.

For the most part though, I don't miss it. I don't miss the feeling of pinched ears which are numb after a day plastered tightly to the sides of my head nor the sweltering under the scarf on a hot, sunny day.

As for my hair, I keep it very short as it's a complete nightmare when it's long, thus making hair care and maintenance a snap!

Although, I do dye it as with age my grays are starting to show, that's the downside of short hair!

Other than my first point, I am thankful every day that I no longer wear hijab!

you can still wear it if it is fashionable... In the sixties it was... Especially if you ride in a chevy convertible, or that what I saw in movies. You no longer believe it is necessary, but that does not say you can't wear it especially if it is windy or cold...

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Re: Missing the hijab?
Reply #9 - December 06, 2009, 07:13 PM

I don't miss it at all. It does have a detrimental effect on your hair if you wear it long enough. For me, the first year out of hijab was really just a long year of getting my hair in order. I didn't have the right type of cuts anymore, my hair had gotten really dark from all those years of not getting sunshine on it, etc. Just recently I finally cut the haircut I really, really wanted and that works for me, but like I said, it was a year later (like exactly 1 yr after I took off hijab).

I wear my scarves around my neck because it's fashionable now and they keep me warm and I had so many.

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