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 Topic: Online Friend Feels Trapped

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  • Online Friend Feels Trapped
     OP - December 12, 2009, 10:46 PM
    Hello. I wanted start off saying I'm not religious and am from the United States, but I've had a close friend online for a few years, who has since questioned her faith in Islam and finds herself in a very difficult place.

    She has visited this site before and showed it to me, but we are both afraid of her joining because in her country, websites like these are banned when the government discovers them, for questioning Islam.

    Both my friend and I suffer from mental illness and are very isolated from society because of social phobias and depression. Where as I've been found disabled by my government, her family sees her mental illness and lack of faith as "evil spirits that are corrupting an innocent girl."

    She has told me tonight, that a cousin visited her family and told her parents she had been experiencing voices in her head from people who are not real, saying she felt just like my friend before going to a local shaman (depressed, isolated). Obviously, this sounds like schizophrenia to me.  Her family are now currently pressing her hard to see what basically sounds like a witch doctor, in order to fix her "problems."

    This is not the first time her family has chosen the path of superstition and ignorance over science. When she was young she was taken to many different shamans who would attempt to "fix" her behavioral and emotional problems and found the experience very traumatic.

    I am very frightened for my friend. She's a very kind person, who I can't see a great future for there. She says that even on her license, she's required to state her religion, and that people are simply not allowed to leave without intervention from the government.

    She has been surrounded by ignorance, and has been suicidal since I met her. I fear I'm going to lose my friend. She's all the way around the world from me and I've got mental problems myself so I'll probably never be able to afford to have her move here do to immigration laws.

    The least I can do is try to give her a voice here. If she can't join, then let her voice be heard.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #1 - December 12, 2009, 11:01 PM
     far away hug

    She should be able to join by a proxy, that way her indentity can remain anonymous..
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  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #2 - December 12, 2009, 11:42 PM
    Thanks Islame, I've been discussing the proxy thing with her and she says she'll think about that for the time being because she's still intimidated.

    But that's very good to know she has an option, because she feels very alone and I know it'd hurt her a lot to join and then get banned.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #3 - December 13, 2009, 02:31 AM
    Hi chaku,

    I'm glad you've contacted us. She might be all alone at her place, but on the Internet she doesn't have to. Smiley

    Using a proxy will not hide your identity at all. It doesn't provide true anonymity. If she's living in an Islamic country where the Internet traffic is analyzed and filtered at a nation-wide level, then you will have to use something better than simple proxies or tunnels. (See countries with Internet censorship). Simple proxies won't work, because all of your requests will go unencrypted through the network wires of the Internet company controlled by the government. You can only avoid the snooping of the government, if you use encrypted and secure connections.

    Not only does the content of the website have to be encrypted, but also the DNS request. A DNS server tells your computer the IP-address associated with the domain name you type in your address bar. It's basically the Internet's telephone book. So, for example, "councilofexmuslims.com" will resolve to "64.91.228.45". Most home computers are set to use the Internet company's DNS server by default. It can be changed relatively easily, but anonymizing software should take care of this anyway.

    AFAIK, there are 2 ways to surf anonymously:

    1. TOR
    2. VPN (Virtual Private Network)

    I think using TOR will be the easiest way for her to browse safely. Here you can download a software bundle that contains Firefox and TOR: https://www.torproject.org/torbrowser/

    It could be that connections to the TOR network are completely blocked in her country. The manual says that there is a way around this (bridge relay addresses), but let's first see if she can connect normally.
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  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #4 - December 13, 2009, 04:49 AM
    Hey chaku, can you exactly tell us what country is she from?
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #5 - December 13, 2009, 11:42 AM
    Quote from: chaku on December 12, 2009, 11:42 PM
    Thanks Islame, I've been discussing the proxy thing with her and she says she'll think about that for the time being because she's still intimidated.

    But that's very good to know she has an option, because she feels very alone and I know it'd hurt her a lot to join and then get banned.

    It's actually pretty hard to get banned from this site. Usually banning only happens to hackers, spammers and the most outrageous of trolls. I can't see your friend fitting into those categories.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #6 - December 13, 2009, 11:02 PM
    Quote from: _truth_ on December 13, 2009, 04:49 AM
    Hey chaku, can you exactly tell us what country is she from?


    I wasn't going to say so unless someone asked because I don't want to draw attention to it, but Malaysia. The government there has been banning many different websites that question Islam or their government in any way.

    I hope by mentioning that it doesn't bring attention to this one.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #7 - December 13, 2009, 11:05 PM
    Quote from: osmanthus on December 13, 2009, 11:42 AM
    It's actually pretty hard to get banned from this site. Usually banning only happens to hackers, spammers and the most outrageous of trolls. I can't see your friend fitting into those categories.


    You might have misread me, it's not that we're worried you all will ban her here. This seems like a pretty nice site from what I've seen.

    It's more that her country bans access to sites like this one (not this one yet) and is known for monitoring their internet access (to what extent, I don't know). So she's worried about the legalities of accessing a forbidden website, along with the pain that would happen if she formed friendships and a sense of understanding here, only to be locked out permanently.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #8 - December 13, 2009, 11:13 PM
    Aziz, that looks like the kind of information she might be able to use. I suspected that a proxy might give her access to the site even if it was banned, but wouldn't protect her from her country if it was monitoring for sites like this.

    I'll relay some of that info on encrypted connections to her and we'll see what we can make of it. Neither of us have any experience with something like this. We really appreciate the information. I'd like if we could give her access to people who have experienced some of the same things. She feels really alone.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #9 - December 14, 2009, 10:02 PM
    Hi Smiley

    Good luck, please keep us posted Smiley

    And let her know she is not alone Smiley

    OK no more similes from me Cheesy
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #10 - December 14, 2009, 11:25 PM
    Well this is a bit anticlimactic, but my friend has been feeling very depressed and obsessed with religion, so she is going to hold off joining until she feels better. Hopefully she'll feel better soon.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #11 - December 14, 2009, 11:38 PM
    I hope your friend recovers well to full health and join us Smiley
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #12 - December 14, 2009, 11:51 PM
    looking forward to her arrival, I am sure it will help to be surrounded by fellow comrades - certainly worked for me Wink
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  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #13 - December 15, 2009, 12:00 AM
    When she joins, it will probably be a matter of a few hours, before she becomes officially a murtad. I've seen a person in a similar position, who was questioning their faith in Islam, join, and then leave Islam for good, soon afterwards, with the help of the members here.  Smiley
    For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who refuse to understand, no explanation is possible.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #14 - December 15, 2009, 02:27 AM
    Quote from: Ibn Saba on December 15, 2009, 12:00 AM
    When she joins, it will probably be a matter of a few hours, before she becomes officially a murtad. I've seen a person in a similar position, who was questioning their faith in Islam, join, and then leave Islam for good, soon afterwards, with the help of the members here.  Smiley

    Interesting, but I doubt that every case is like that. Some people need a lot longer than others to get over their religion. For some it can be even an agonizing process to realize that their long-held beliefs are false and that they have invested so much time and energy into something that's essentially nonsense.

    Would you care to tell me who this member is? I'd like to add him/her to "the list".
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  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #15 - December 15, 2009, 03:42 AM
    Of course I can't use an example of one case, to make an assumption of what may happen, in another. I wasn't using that as a basis to what I'm saying.

    Rather the fact this site has, unlike many others that claim to (such as FFI), genuine Murtad's. Real Ex-Muslims. And different versions too. From those who didn't practice, to those who were very dedicated and serious about their Religion, and so on. And their experiences, in their path towards apostacy. So a lot of members here, have some idea what a doubting Muslim is going through, or at least can relate to it in some way. Which is why they can help give advice to a person in a similar position, and what they did to overcome their own problems. And answer the questions asked.

    Edit - Forgot to answer your question. The person is on that list. It was 'Heyjustlooking' that was in mind.
    For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who refuse to understand, no explanation is possible.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #16 - December 15, 2009, 03:49 AM
    Quote from: Ibn Saba on December 15, 2009, 03:42 AM
    Rather the fact this site has, unlike many others that claim to (such as FFI), genuine Murtad's. Real Ex-Muslims. And different versions too. From those who didn't practice, to those who were very dedicated and serious about their Religion, and so on. And their experiences, in their path towards apostacy. So a lot of members here, have some idea what a doubting Muslim is going through, or at least can relate to it in some way. Which is why they can help give advice to a person in a similar position, and what they did to overcome their own problems. And answer the questions asked.


    Yep. Well put. It's why I stuck around here and have so many posts already. The ex-muslims here are genuine. Often lots of doubting Muslims are turned off by joining forums/sites like these because they suspect they are just fronts for Christians and right-wing racists, but it became very obvious to me CEMB has real actual ex-Muslims and liberal-minded people. Of course CEMB does have it's share of people who are here simply because they are flat-out bigots, but mostly the people here and those that run the site are genuine.
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  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #17 - December 15, 2009, 01:17 PM
    Word. Exactly what my points are about.
    For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those who refuse to understand, no explanation is possible.
  • Re: Online Friend Feels Trapped
     Reply #18 - December 16, 2009, 04:54 AM
    Quote from: Kafirist on December 15, 2009, 03:49 AM
    Yep. Well put. It's why I stuck around here and have so many posts already. The ex-muslims here are genuine. Often lots of doubting Muslims are turned off by joining forums/sites like these because they suspect they are just fronts for Christians and right-wing racists, but it became very obvious to me CEMB has real actual ex-Muslims and liberal-minded people. Of course CEMB does have it's share of people who are here simply because they are flat-out bigots, but mostly the people here and those that run the site are genuine.


    +1
    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
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