Newbie Saying Hello

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- booktalker
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Newbie Saying Hello
OP - December 27, 2009, 06:37 PM

Hi there

Just wanted to say hello. I'm a writer and am doing some research into the issue of forced marriage. I realise it's not solely an Islamic phenomenon but keep finding references to families who use Islam as justification for it.

I'd like to hear from anyone who has any thoughts or ideas (or personal experience)on the subject...

Regards

B
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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #1 - December 27, 2009, 07:19 PM

Welcome here.
Forced marriages are quite common in the more religious families. It is not always forced in the violent sense. Sometimes you just don't have a choice, specially if the community frowns upon pre-marital relationships regardless of whether they involve intercourse or not.

"In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan
- Gallasadeq
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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #2 - December 30, 2009, 04:41 PM

welcome.
I Almost was forced to marrying my cousin to some extent, but i hung in there and refused all the time, till the lawyer *MAY THE NON-EXISTING ALLAH BLESS HIS SOUL AND BALLS* proposed to her and she agreed. Now my family are trying to get me married to another cousin.. lol.. *fingers crossed*

Still hanging in there !!!!
- ras111
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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #3 - December 30, 2009, 05:47 PM

A cousin? Is it that difficult for them to find someone more distant genetically?

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- Gallasadeq
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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #4 - December 30, 2009, 05:50 PM

Well, islamic tradition, what do ya expect.. they are open minded, bar the marriage part.. they want the name to grow lol...
- Nour
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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #5 - December 30, 2009, 06:06 PM

Well, my experience re forced marriages is a bit different from most people. After I took shahada and became a Muslim my close friends from Pakistan who guided me through my early days as a Muslimah tried to set me up with someone they knew back in their village in Pakistan... with my full consent, of course. I was itching to get married and settle down at that point as I was hitting my mid-20's and was feeling that maternal urge (dammit!). So, we exchanged pictures, talked long-distance on the phone with my friend interpreting as he didn't speak a word of English and I only know a few phrases in Punjabi and wrote letters back and forth a couple of times.

In early 2003 I was planning on going to Pakistan with my friends ('cos I wanted the cultural experience!) when about two weeks before we left I found out that the guy that I was possibly going to marry out there had been forced by his two brothers into marrying his cousin. Boy! Was I pissed off! I could barely look him in the eye when we got there and if the Evil Eye existed I certainly would have given it to his wife!

Well, looking back with more wisdom and knowledge than I had then I am glad it didn't work out because I think he would have found me quite a handful and the fact that I don't obey each and every command from those family members who possess the sacred Y chromosome like the women he grew up with would have caused a lot of problems later on!

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Re: Newbie Saying Hello
Reply #6 - January 02, 2010, 10:38 AM

Good to hear from you and to hear about some of your experiences. I'm really interested in finding out more about what Islam has to say about forced marriages and honour killings. Most Muslims I know say that these are totally forbidden in Islam, but when I look deeper into various texts, it seems to me that these CAN be justified.

Do any of you know an Islamic text called The Reliance of the Traveller? Would it be better to start a new thread? I'm hoping to find amongst you people who are knowledgeable enough to give me some insight.

Many thanks!

B
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