God - The worst of these humans are these musulmans. They can't even get my name right!
JC - But nobody can! I mean you don't even remember how to pronounce it.
God - Look that's not the point. Some of them are not even arabs and they say Allah, Allah. Instead of God in their languge. I kept looking over my shoulder, confused, because it sounded like somebody was talking to me, but they weren't saying my name you know?
JC - Allah means God though. The God. So you . What's the problem then?
God - The problem is that's now what it's like up here. They way they said it. And hey after the Moses incident I made sure I never drank heavy before sleep. Maybe a glass of brandy now and then. But no fucking devil's drink.
JC - I thought that's what you're drinking now? Devil's drink is scotch.
God - Oh a smarty-pants. Lets see how smart you are without your pants *starts yanking at his pants* what is that Velcro? Good stuff. Reminds me of that Adam and Eve story, both of them nude looking dumbfounded lol, why would I mind that somebody is naked lol what do they think i am some sort of pervert, i'm not even into voyeur shit, not much anyways.
JC - Dad. Let me down there please. You should have let me down there when Muhammad thought he was talking to Gabriel. He got it all wrong! I was fucking crucified and he put that shit out! I mean what I went through and he..
God - Hey watch you tongue! And you know why I'm not sending you down there again.
JC - Dad this again?! We've been through it like a million times.
God - Hey once is enough.
JC - But then why did you let the plant grow there?
God - Smarty-pants hey? Keep at it and I'll put your pants on fire.
JC - That's not how it goes oh never mind, it was one joint. OK Simon saw me stressed out and he just wanted me to relax. I was going to get fucking crucified and you didn't answer my prayers, I had no idea what was going to happen.
God - Of course not. JC you have never been a good actor ok? I need method acting from you, and that was my way to put real fear in your heart. And how can you lose faith in your own father, as if I was going to let them crucify my own son. What kind of father would let his son die?
JC - BUT YOU DID! You did let them crucify me and even while I was up there I yelled at you but you didn't respond.
God - Yes that, erm I'm sorry about that. That plume juice, bad moment to have it. Man I had to hit the bathroom something fierce, I think I might have ruptured an intestine while at it. Anyways that's no excuse for you to smoke weed. Look at how they've depicted you. Like some damn hippie. How are they gonna take you serious now?
God - Btw why do those crazy bastards worship a rock, a rock that fell from sky LOL!
JC - They don't worship a stone. They think Gabriel brought it down and Abraham put it in the Kaaba.
God - Mhm and what Kool-aid have they been drinking? Maybe that little spring has magic kool-aid in it, could explain why they keep flocking to it. Listen that does not explain why they kiss it.
JC - Well its because.. I dont know.. maybe because they revere it because it fell from the sky and because its sunnah to follow their prophet.
God - So if he ate with his right hand and cleaned himself with his left, they'd do that aswell?!
JC - Er yes actually they do that.
God - Jesus Christ! And you want me to bring them in as well?
JC - Well, its the most merciful thing to do.
God - What's the point, as soon as they come they're gonna be disappointed. I don't have 72 houris or whatever you call them for each one of them. LOL you believe these people they're is like 1 billion of them as if I have 72 billion houris or something haha
JC - Well as far I as I know it's only for the men. And I don't think there are 1 billion men.
God - What? What do they women get?
JC - Well, it's not really clear, they get their husbands.
God - LOL what a great gift. Let me guess, they also believe I wrote this drivel?
JC - Yes.
God - Jesus. What do they think I am? Some psychotic, male-chauvinistic, superstitious, sexist bigot?
JC - Well they're right are they not? I mean you're playing Earthquake Sim here.
God - Hey don't get smart with me, you know how I feel about smart people.
...
God - JC, you sweet sumbitch tell your mom to get here. I have some spirit I want to breath into her.
JC - I think I might be sick.
God - Don't get sick on the Versaci carpet OK! Only person doing any decent work down there as far as I'm concerned. I'd have the whole lot of them here with no problems.
JC - You mean homosexuals?
God - What? I meant fashion designers. He's a homosexual? Sure why not, why would I care about something as silly as that? Wait, is that in the book as well? You know what, that's it. Go down there and do some good PR.
JC - You're the best dad!
God - Here's looking at you kid
Topic: A conversation between God and JC about the Rapture