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 Topic: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

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  • Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     OP - April 03, 2010, 02:01 AM
     dance



    Quote
    Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
    By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010, 10:33am

    A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

    The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

    Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

    Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

    This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

    Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

    Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #1 - April 03, 2010, 03:05 AM
    this is a joke, right?
  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #2 - April 03, 2010, 04:43 AM
    Quote
    By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010

    People should start being original and make up the lies in a random day of the year. It's getting too obvious now.
    "In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan

  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #3 - April 03, 2010, 07:00 AM
    Quote from: liberated on April 03, 2010, 03:05 AM
    this is a joke, right?

    No, dude. Serious science article innit. You can tell because it's in the Science and Reason board.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #4 - April 03, 2010, 06:43 PM
    One thing I hate about the internets. Sarcasm, just doesn't come through the medium effectively.

     piggy
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #5 - April 15, 2010, 06:34 PM
    "said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world"

    Narrative fail.

    Still a bit amusing though.
    "...every imperfection in man is a bond with heaven..." - Karl Marx
  • Re: Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
     Reply #6 - April 16, 2010, 01:58 AM
    Maybe not.  The terminator was sent back to prevent John Conner from starting the resistance.  Maybe in the future the LHC was on the verge of destroying the world and he escaped. 
    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
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