If only my ex hubby had been so cool about it, instead it was no heels allowed and depression cos his friends said I was taller than him. I wasn't, I was an inch shorter. That insecure bastard.

Insecure bastard, indeed. Getting depressed over something like that most certainly is weak. Especially if that caused issues with the relationship. Thinking you're inadequate in someway to your woman is, well... pathetic and you don't deserve her.
[I never get depressed about stuff like looks, I get depressed about my feelings and a sense of longing for someone I can fully be myself to] Also I never give shit about what women think about my looks.(that is not to say I do not give considerations to women's preferences) First I must like a woman, then only what she has to say matters. Because I liked her, what she thinks would have relevance to me. I give a shit about myself if its exclusively from yours truly. My own taste matters the most to me. And I'm not the only male in the universe, I have to make reference to other men and draw comparisons to see where I stand. When I see something I like about another guy. I don't think "oh he's like that...", I go "that is nice" and that is simply nice to me in general. I thought it's nice because
I thought it's nice. Not because someone else said so.