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Theme Changer

 Topic: Premarital Sex in Islam

 (Read 13056 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Premarital Sex in Islam
     OP - August 25, 2011, 06:13 PM
    1. Do you think its the guilt of sin that is restraining muslimah from having premarital sex

    2. If so, what about the ones that indulge themselves in it with them being aware that its haram

    3. Is premarital sex one of the reasons why you left Islam?

    Men's opinion are welcome too since they can find something to relate, but i will be more interested to hear from the women.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #1 - August 25, 2011, 06:19 PM
    1. I think its more to do with the whole virginity thing than sin. As a muslimah I drank and had a bf but sex was a big no.

    2. I know a few muslimahs who have pre-marital sex with long term bf who then became hubby. I think they acknowledge its sin but its not so bad coz they marry the same guy lol

    3. No way.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #2 - August 25, 2011, 06:57 PM
    Ok, just to understand why does being a virgin matters?, Whats so special about it that makes some female proud of being one?  Or is it the insecurity?.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #3 - August 25, 2011, 07:09 PM
    Quote
    Ok, just to understand why does being a virgin matters?, Whats so special about it that makes some female proud of being one?  Or is it the insecurity?.


    That it can only be lost once?

    So why lost it to the riff raff down the pub kind of thing.

    Men on the other hand don't care where they stick it to! ;-)

    From biological point of view...women have a finite amount of precious eggs...men have limitless supply of sperm...

    they may have bearing on the matter....
    Little Fly, Thy summer's play
    My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

    I too dance and drink, and sing,
    Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

    Therefore I am a happy fly,
    If I live or if I die.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #4 - August 25, 2011, 07:16 PM
    ^Alright, the most confusing part for me is some muslimahs who indulge themselves in sex being aware that its haram particularly my ex who i have had sex with. How do they manage to do it without feeling guilty? Thats what i am interested more. I asked her before but she couldnt give me a clear answer, worse she was dodging it which makes me decide not to push further.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #5 - August 25, 2011, 07:59 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on August 25, 2011, 06:57 PM
    Ok, just to understand why does being a virgin matters?, Whats so special about it that makes some female proud of being one?  Or is it the insecurity?.

    The same thing over and over again!
    Even experienced doctors cannot establish if a woman is biologically a virgin in 80 out of 100 cases, let alone normal inexperienced males. The whole virginity is BS! Not exclusive for Islam though. Those who believe in feminine virginity, please write how you can establish that a girl is a virgin. I'm a doctor, teach me!
    Religion is organized superstition
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #6 - August 25, 2011, 08:08 PM
    I married a virgin, sex before marriage is haram so was never going to happen to me. I thought I was so good giving away my flower to the man I marry  Cheesy

    Unfortunately my western late hubby had no appreciation for the fact I was a virgin, he just didn't think being a virgin is important at all...
    my flower was wasted on him  finmad   Cheesy
    Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
    What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
    You are the music while the music lasts.
    T.S.Eliot
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #7 - August 25, 2011, 08:09 PM
    Halla, its the blood spot thing innit?
    Mind you I didn't have a spot of blood when I first had sex, I always wondered why  Huh?
    Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
    What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
    You are the music while the music lasts.
    T.S.Eliot
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #8 - August 25, 2011, 08:14 PM
    Because you were in the 80%, that's why. Mothers in several cultures knew that very well. In countries where the community demanded a blood spot (I know of Italy and Russia), mothers saw to it that the bride had a pin or needle in her wedding dress, so the couple could always produce some blood if necessary.
    Religion is organized superstition
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #9 - August 25, 2011, 08:22 PM
    I thought this tradition was also in India/desi land, where the mother of the groom would need to go and inspect the marital bed the morning after the wedding... or the groom had to produced the sheet with the blood spot to the family to prove she was a virgin.  

    I remember hearing of cases where the girls were unfairly accused of not being a virgin, but these were very rare cases, so I assumed the majority did bleed.  However, perhaps they were taught the trick you mention above by their mothers on their wedding.  
    Teach us to care and not to care / Teach us to sit still.
    What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other
    You are the music while the music lasts.
    T.S.Eliot
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #10 - August 25, 2011, 08:30 PM
    Quote from: Naija Infidel on August 25, 2011, 07:16 PM
    ^Alright, the most confusing part for me is some muslimahs who indulge themselves in sex being aware that its haram particularly my ex who i have had sex with. How do they manage to do it without feeling guilty? Thats what i am interested more. I asked her before but she couldnt give me a clear answer, worse she was dodging it which makes me decide not to push further.


    The same way they smoke weed, listen to music etc. without feeling guilty. Its only sin  Tongue
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #11 - August 25, 2011, 08:31 PM
    Quote from: Gladfly on August 25, 2011, 07:09 PM
    From biological point of view...women have a finite amount of precious eggs...

    So?
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #12 - August 25, 2011, 09:51 PM
    Quote from: Prince Spinoza on August 25, 2011, 08:31 PM
    So?


    Kind of my thoughts exactly.  An egg is not released each time we fuck, only once a month.  Our supply is designed to last our fertile years, so having pre marital sex does not impact our resources of eggs. 

    Anyway Naija, I had plenty of pre marital sex.  I just dodged it in my mind as I will deal with the punishment when it comes.

    When I was younger and I did something wrong, I knew my parents would beat me badly.  My friends would say "But your parents will beat you" and I always replied "It's just a beating".

    To me hell was the same thing. 

    Also, well I always aimed to work extra hard when I was older and practising to earn forgiveness.

    It was not a very logical standpoint to take, but it worked for me.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #13 - August 25, 2011, 10:05 PM
    Kind of my thoughts exactly.  An egg is not released each time we fuck, only once a month.  Our supply is designed to last our fertile years, so having pre marital sex does not impact our resources of eggs. 

    Biologically Women are selective who fertilizes their finite supply of eggs because they have short fertile period and child bearing time.

    Men are not choosy and they go on producing sperm all their life.
    Little Fly, Thy summer's play
    My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

    I too dance and drink, and sing,
    Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

    Therefore I am a happy fly,
    If I live or if I die.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #14 - August 25, 2011, 10:08 PM
    In the whole Islamic virgin debate, hardly.

    Women are not selective on who, this decision is not usually within their control.

    Women remain virgins out of fear of parents, and their reaction to an unwanted pregnancy and knowing their daughters have had sex.

    The only virgins I have known have been muslim girls who are terrified of their parents.  The ones with no fear, were no virgins.

    And the dudes were not chosen in some awesome selection of who will sow the best oats, just total twats.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #15 - August 25, 2011, 10:16 PM
    If they are not choosy then they will be diluted from the gene pool and only those choose the best mate will be more sucessful....: Wink
    Little Fly, Thy summer's play
    My thoughtless hand has brushed away.

    I too dance and drink, and sing,
    Till some blind hand shall brush my wing.

    Therefore I am a happy fly,
    If I live or if I die.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #16 - August 25, 2011, 10:22 PM
    Nah, contraception is a marvel.

    I had plenty of pre marital sex but no child until I met my husband.

    And even then I selected wrong.

    This bizarre instinctual biological gift for mate selection just seems fcking alien to me, and to the amount of single mums floating around in the UK.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #17 - August 26, 2011, 03:48 AM
    I bled a lot my first time...i was greatly confused how anyone could produce enough blood to fake virginity.
    I wish parents everywhere could remove their veil of religion and see their kids for whom they actually are.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #18 - August 26, 2011, 04:26 AM
    Quote from: Aphrodite on August 25, 2011, 08:30 PM
    The same way they smoke weed, listen to music etc. without feeling guilty. Its only sin  Tongue


    Ok, i get what you mean, but for the record i only smoked weed twice when i was a muslim Tongue

    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #19 - August 26, 2011, 04:53 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on August 25, 2011, 09:51 PM
    Kind of my thoughts exactly.  An egg is not released each time we fuck, only once a month.  Our supply is designed to last our fertile years, so having pre marital sex does not impact our resources of eggs. 

    Anyway Naija, I had plenty of pre marital sex.  I just dodged it in my mind as I will deal with the punishment when it comes.

    When I was younger and I did something wrong, I knew my parents would beat me badly.  My friends would say "But your parents will beat you" and I always replied "It's just a beating".

    To me hell was the same thing. 

    Also, well I always aimed to work extra hard when I was older and practising to earn forgiveness.

    It was not a very logical standpoint to take, but it worked for me    .




    Ok.

    In my experience, i always feel guilty anytime i have sex. I will always tell myself that i will never do it again insha-allah,later on i will do it again. I have been struggling with that for a very long and i keep feeling more guilty for sinning.i remember i used to envy virgins wishing i was like them so that i dont have to be held accountable by Allah on Judgement day plus the punishment for zinah in hell-fire was depressing enough for me.

    Now im fucking glad that i dont have to live with this guilt anymore, i can enjoy as much as i want as long as there is protection.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #20 - August 26, 2011, 04:59 AM
    Guiltless masturbation is the best and most rational argument against Islam.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #21 - August 26, 2011, 05:04 AM
    ^its funny how i felt guilty for wanking, my brother once told me that my hand will become pregnant on the day of judgement and accuse me of doing bad stuff with it rofl
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #22 - August 26, 2011, 05:07 AM
    I never really believed in god, but it's hard to ignore ideas that are instilled in you from birth- in muslim society the norm has become to marry after you're sorted financially (got your degree)- to expect a person to reach this stage while maintaining virginity is almost impossible. The teens and 20's are when you're the most horny! I reckon both men and women who remain virgins until marriage are either very young (mid teens), have a low sex drive, or are too scared to have sex.

    You can't have everything, especially when the things conflict. Muslim societies are degrading rapidly trying to mix islam with logic and forward thinking. Most muslims want their kids to marry someone who they will be happy with their whole life so they want their kids to be mature enough to make the right choice. They also want their kids to ensure they can support themselves etc so encourage them to get educated/carreers/etc before marriage. They know, deep down, their kids are having secret relationships and most likely sex, but they follow the principle of 'what the eyes don't see, the heart won't grieve'- this really fucked me up when I first had sex. I wanted to have sex but I was instilled with archaic ideas, I justified that it's ok if I end up marrying the guy etc. The only prob was the guy I did first sleep with was a total bastard and was a no good violent jerk- I can't believe that I stayed with him 2 years and I blame Islam for this! Muslims raise their kids then send them out to figure the most important things out for themselves- they don't want to talk about sex or acknowledge that their kids are doing it, they know their kids are having a relationship (it's impossible to hide!) but they turn a blind eye to it- this is most harmful to women in particular- I know for a fact that I'd have had a whole better (psychologically) experience with dating and sex if I could have talked to my mum about it, talked about the guy(s) I liked, discussed when I felt ready to have sex for the first time and made an informed choice, etc.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #23 - August 26, 2011, 06:04 AM
    I think the whole virgin thing being sacred goes back in the days. Men just liked having a wife who had not pleasured anyone before him. Which is reasonable, but I think when it was thrown in a strict religious sense, things just got out of hand. Why do you think girls got married so young as well. Before some girls even knew what sex was old mature men snatched them to ensure they get a pure woman.

    I'm curious if modern day men really do care whether their gf or wife had pre-martial sex? It seems like a non-issue unless religious beliefs are thrown in, or family pride.
    ***~Church is where bad people go to hide~***
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #24 - August 26, 2011, 06:18 AM
    ^How is being sexually insecure a reasonable thing?

    @thread: I mostly stayed away from penetrative sex but still fiddled around with other stuff. In hindsight, I shudder every time I think about it for the sheer absurdity of 1, avoiding a specific kind of sexual activity without understanding the reasoning behind doing so and 2, being a hypocrite by professing my beliefs (even without explicitly saying so) that I couldn't allow myself to abide by.  Whenever I did partake in sexual activity, I felt horrible and flip-flopped between rationalizations of still being a good person afterwards and begging for Allah's forgiveness. I imagine other women have gone through the same thing. It's such a weird and scary process to have gone through now that I think about it but it wasn't a reason for my apostasy. I'd certainly like to question anyone who figures that it was.
    "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."
    Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #25 - August 26, 2011, 06:25 AM
    @Sakura :You are right, it seems like a non issue unless religious beliefs or family pride are thrown in, i usually prefer females that have sexual experience,i dont have to be the only one leading all the time, i want to see what she can offer too and im not good on putting on a condom anyway(too lazy to learn and its a turn on for me if a female knows how to put it on). I see sex as something pleasurable and something to learn, not something to be scared of.  
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #26 - August 26, 2011, 02:27 PM
    I think the only time when it becomes an issue, in most societies, is when you have children illegitimately  from casual sex and then they usually have to grow up without one parent and the other parent struggles to raise them alone. Which has been psychologically proven to put emotional on a child growing up. Just make sure you're not one of 'those' guys.  Wink
    ***~Church is where bad people go to hide~***
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #27 - August 26, 2011, 02:48 PM
    Lol, oh no, i wouldnt risk that. Its either the pills or rubbers. I always wear the rubbers(though i dont like it but i have no choice) Smiley
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #28 - August 26, 2011, 09:38 PM
    I got a lot more action as a Muslim.
  • Re: Premarital Sex in Islam
     Reply #29 - August 26, 2011, 10:06 PM
    Quote from: Gladfly on August 25, 2011, 10:05 PM


    Men are not choosy and they go on producing sperm all their life.


    Bullshit. Biology doesn't explain everything when it comes to human behaviour. That's why there are other sciences dealing with it, of course. While I will not deny that biology has any effect on the way people choose sexual partners and partners to have children with, there's a lot more to it than biology. I have not known any man (though I am sure there are few such idiots) who seek to impregnate ANYONE everytime they release sperm. Normal people in every society I know are very picky whom they will have children with. Both men and women. Thus "countless sperm theory" has been debunked, though it may be valid on other monkeys and possibly could have a miniscule effect on different patterns of loosing virginity.
    "That it is indeed the speech of an illustrious messenger" (The Koran 69:40)
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