This used to be one of my favourite past-times (i'm still a shit though BTW) until islam and injuries got in the way. I'll try to keep my perspective concise. And seeing as you don't like youtube vids I'll have to try to write it
, here goes;
There's alot of bullshit in martial arts when it comes to developing self protection, and I mean alot. And the bullshit get's even worse when you get into the murky world of spirituality and martial arts.
The best form of self protection IMO and IME is 3 things; awareness, and avoidance skills, and carrying yourself with dignity. If you develop those 3 things you'll spot, avoid and deter trouble before it becomes physical.
Like Dave Turton (a famous self protection instructor) said; this isn't the starship enterprise, people don't materialize holding your lapels. There are many indicators before contact, and you have to learn to deal with things at a pre-contact level.
Many 'street-fighters' come out on top, not because they are more skilled than there target, but because they know how to stack the odds in their favour in the pre-contact and contact stage by surprising their attacker.
When it comes to what makes a martial art functional in sport or 'in the streets' the answer comes down to a concept coined by Matt Thornton - Aliveness. Unfortunately - like the matrix - noone can be told what aliveness is you have to see it;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL05Es8LVAQBut if you don't want to watch that, here's a blog entry by Matt on Aliveness;
http://aliveness101.blogspot.co.uk/2005/07/why-aliveness.htmlAll Matt did was articulate the underlying methodology behind every combat sport and functional martial art. He didn't invent anything - but if you understand that concept it's very difficult to be bullshitted in martial arts.
Regarding finding a martial art that is functional and provides you with a form of meditation, I haven't come across one personally.
If you are serious about learning self-protection I'd advise you to go to a school affiliated with the british combat association, you'll get top notch training for self-protection.
If you want a functional martial art that can be used as a tool for self-protection I'd advise a combat sport. The cheapest and the most widely available are; Judo and Boxing. You might like Brazillian Jiu Jitsu.
I can't help with calming because I wouldn't class most tai chi classes as a martial art class, I'd class it as a form of exercise like Yoga. Ditto Aikido.
IME after a good session in a combat sport it releases alot of pent up energy, and regarding how combat sports or atheletic activities in general can facilitate self-acceptance I like this quote;
Finally, all that’s left is a sports like environment, and performance. At this point it’s time for the ego’s last step. The realization that measurement itself is futility.
Although what you are now left doing is a million times more ‘real’ than anything an image based Martial Artist will ever engage in; it still must not serve as a measurement of who YOU are.
Why? For one it’s always relative so you must evaluate yourself ONLY based on YOUR own increases in performance. And although that requires another person, or opponent, that does not mean you are measuring yourself against that person. You only measure your progress based on your previous skill level, not their previous skill level. There will ALWAYS be someone better, stronger, faster, or smarter on any given day. There will also ALWAYS be people you will better then, on any given day. Therefore that form of measurement is meaningless at best. All that matters is that you grow in comparison to where you where before, NOT in comparison to who you could or could not beat before.
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http://www.straightblastgym.com/newbook.htm