Yep same.
I actually had to stop reading the Quran because it weakened my faith.
I know exactly what you mean. I had memorized 23 of the Qu’an’s 30 parts and could understand their meanings. When you go beyond mere recitation and random quoting, when you really begin to contemplate what is being said, the book begins to unravel into a hate-filled rant that seems unworthy of an all-merciful, dignified, intelligent, being. Far from being a book of spiritual inspiration, the Qur’an gives you a very disturbing look into the troubled mindset of Muhammad.
Even apart from the major things like the sickening descriptions of torture and the unrestricted lust for women, the way the Qur’an was used as a tool to manipulate his followers and play on their fears and hopes was all too disturbing.
The paranoia that Muhammad had against almost everyone, even his own followers, is very apparent.
The way that he deflected any criticism away from himself and instead blamed and threatened people who were raising what now I consider to be legitimate concerns was another problem. The Qur’an is full of those “how dare you try to call my bluff” moments.
Another recurring theme is what I call the “had it not been for x, y would have happened” moments. There are always these weak, mundane, elements that prevent the hand of god from manifesting itself in Muhammad’s career, and subsequently proving his claim to prophethood. “Had it not been that Allah had prescribed exile upon them, he would have punished them in this life.” “Had it not been for a word that had preceded from your lord, the punishment would have been definite” “Had it not been for the mercy of God upon you, a grievous punishment would have touched you” And on and on and on. There is always a pathetic reason why Allah can not act out his will in Muhammad’s life. It was not strange then that Muhammad’s detractors continued to ask him for a simple sign. I agree with them when they refused to leave the ways of their fathers on account of his words and empty threats.
Another thing that troubled me about the Qur’an was how much disdain and hatred God seemed to have for human beings. He created us with a certain nature, and then sounds completely pissed off that we turned out the way he created us. The Qur’an says that God created us “weak,” “ignorant,” “oppressive,” “impatient,” “ungrateful” and on and on the insults go. As a human being, not only did I find this offensive, I also find it to be an epic fail on God’s part. If his entire purpose behind creating us was to worship and serve him, then he failed. He failed because he deliberately and pointlessly gave us traits that would hinder us from fulfilling our sole purpose for existence. It baffles me why he would be so upset as to want to torture us eternally for turning out exactly the way he created us.
I could really go on and on with all of the problems I had with the Qur’an, but I think this is enough for now. I’m not sure how Muslims can read through the entire book, believe it is from God, and still have any element of respect and love for the guy. His only redeeming quality is that he does not exist.
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Topic: The More you know the Less you want