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Theme Changer

 Topic: The topic of pre marital sex

 (Read 19955 times)
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  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #60 - May 11, 2014, 10:34 AM

    ^^ who is this in reference to?

    sex doesnt make me uncomfortable, sex is amazing. Its the thot that I am doing something my fam would disaprove of that makes me uncomfortable


    Hi sorry was in reference to ...

    Yes. But I was cheated by 98% of my boyfriends. So, I m taking the route of arranged marriage. But the prospect of living with a stranger scares me. And sorry to be so open but love making is very painful for me, so I don't have much interest in it. Imagine how it will feel like on the first night?

  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #61 - May 11, 2014, 10:49 AM

    This is something that has been bothering me for a long time. As a muslim this was clearly wrong, in many religions and cultures it is wrong as well.
    Now I come from an indian culture, where sex before marriage is shocking so it's wrong both culturally and religiously.

    What plays on my mind is the fact that no one in m y family would have pre marital sex, not even the converts and if they had to find out I was it would be a huge disappointment and drama.

    What exactly makes something right or wrong? If I feel there is nothing wrong with it and I'm fine with it but majority of my family is not fine with it then is it still right?

    I am still struggling to accept that I could never be this good little indian girl, still amazes me how I could be SO different from the people around me


    That is a strange situation to be in but not unlike mine and I am not Indian. My parents do accept that me and my boyfriend do sleep together but my mother isn't very happy about it. She was also embarrassed when my brother's girlfriend became pregnant out of wedlock, and was stressed about telling the great-grandparents. In that regard my parents are still quite traditional from a English Christian influenced POV.

    Cause of this I had to debate with them a long time saying that I understood their POV but in actuality what is more important a piece of paper that doesn't say much or a 4 year relationship which has stood the test of long-distance and cultural barriers (he is Pakistani)? My mother isn't comfortable entirely about it still but has accepted that I am an adult and have made my decision.

    Now if the above conversation is not possible in your household you may have to be like my boyfriend. His parents know about me but don't at least to my understanding acknowledge any type of sex-life we have. They either think he's still a virgin or just don't talk about it. It has caused issues as when visit where they live I can't stay at his, I have to stay at my dad's flat near where he works during the week. This means that I cannot be with my boyfriend overnight cutting down the time I can spend with him during those visits. Until we are married that will not change but at least it only impacts a couple of weeks a year now. Its one of those situations where you have to make the best of things even though they are crappy and not your fault and have to make compromises if you still want to have some support from your parents.

    No matter what you pick though, its not wrong if it doesn't hurt you or the person you are doing things with even though you might be feeling guilty, I still feel a little guilty because of my mums attitude to it all. It's like I am failing her.
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #62 - May 11, 2014, 10:51 AM

    Two different cultural settings. That of the family in which they were raised and that of you the environment in which you were raise. As a member of the younger generation within a different environment you are introduced to and interact with concepts which an older generation will have nothing to do with. To many of the older generation these are just concept they read about but hardly interact with. This happens with every new generation or as a group humanity would never progress as no one would challenge the statue quo or discuss alternatives.

    Also one should not look at premarital sex under such a generalization of good or bad. It assigned a value to an action following arbitrary guidelines which can not be applied to every person or situation. Is one of my friend's relationship of 6 years valued less than another friend's marriage/relationship of 2 years. Why is the 2 year relationship granted greater value than a relationship of 6 years just due to a words, rituals and a party of so-called marriage? Why is a marriage which has produced no children, no property and no increase in wealth be valued more than a common law relationship which has produced a family owned business, a house, 2 cars and a hobby farm. Why does the concept of marriage automatically increase no just the value of a relationship but undermines every other value produced outside of marriage. Just with two these two examples which do you think has been more productive for the individuals and family unit?

    This value assessment is enforced on emotions. Marriage automatically promotes one group's emotions as more legitimate or authentic than another's group's. A married couple's love is real when an unmarried couples is not. It's a very black and white look at other's feelings. Do we impose this type of value assessment on other feelings such as anger, sadness or fear? Do people only feel true anger only if they have an anger management or rage issue? Feeling sad can only be truly experienced by those suffering from depression. Fear is only true if it is due to a phobia.

    Such an outlook completely removes the human element of emotion. We devalue humans turning people into mere numbers to make stupid points. Mine included as I have to in order to counter such a view.


    So agree with this, it has pissed me off about my boyfriend's parents for so long. There is no logic or rationality about it!
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #63 - May 11, 2014, 02:36 PM

    Yes. But I was cheated by 98% of my boyfriends. So, I m taking the route of arranged marriage. But the prospect of living with a stranger scares me. And sorry to be so open but love making is very painful for me, so I don't have much interest in it. Imagine how it will feel like on the first night?


    Gosh i hope it goes well for you that is sure a gamble.. I did similar i married a total stranger after i converted and we hated each other within 7 days of living together but were pressured to stay together out of the shame of divorce in the community so we just fought each other every day it was hell..    why dont you try and meet some guys and go on some dates without sex, have fun and find out what type of guy you want to commit to, its so important to find the right personality otherwise how can you feel love..  xxxx
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #64 - May 11, 2014, 03:05 PM

    Was it not easier at all for you being a convert? More options if you left, family/friends that don't share the shame cultural mind set?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #65 - May 11, 2014, 03:26 PM

    It depends on how many bridges you burned during your conversion and time as a convert. I've known some who lost family and friends during that time for various reasons. I was exceptionally lucky in that I had a lot of support from everyone who knew me before.
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #66 - May 11, 2014, 03:30 PM

    I'm aware, just me being curious about a member.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #67 - May 11, 2014, 03:32 PM

    Gotcha.
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #68 - May 11, 2014, 04:06 PM

    .
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #69 - May 11, 2014, 04:26 PM

    And sorry to be so open but love making is very painful for me, so I don't have much interest in it. Imagine how it will feel like on the first night?


    Sex should never be painful. Are you aroused enough before you start? Do you use lubricants? Are you relaxed? Does your partner know how to do things? You don't have to answer, I just wish you to have awesome sex and I know that some have problems because they have had sex when not ready or aroused enough, and it just gets uncomfortable and painful.  Had similar problems in the beginning. But then got though it and now I love sex Smiley

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #70 - May 11, 2014, 04:34 PM

    ^ Yes, and be sure to communicate with him! A lot of young men who are inexperienced can be too zealous and rough when it is not wanted, or they assume that the woman is ready whenever they, the men, are. Whatever man you end up with, be sure to communicate with him and be vocal about what is painful and what feels better, and encourage him to do a little reading and research of his own. A lot of them just don't understand a woman's body, and, with a bit of teamwork, you can make it a much better experience.
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #71 - May 11, 2014, 04:46 PM

    Quote
    encourage him to do a little reading and research of his own. A lot of them just don't understand a woman's body, and, with a bit of teamwork, you can make it a much better experience.


    So I'm planning to lose my virginity sometime within the next 12 months.  So lately I've been reading up on alot of articles on kissing, foreplay, oral sex etc.

    I mentioned this to a guy I know from highschool and he said " dude you don't need to do any research, you just put it in and thrust" 


    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #72 - May 11, 2014, 04:52 PM

    Yeahh, keep doing the research, it'll serve you well.  Afro

    Kissing is the only thing I can't imagine being able to figure out without doing it a few times, though. I had to have someone patiently sit with me and show me and critique me. Grin
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #73 - May 11, 2014, 04:54 PM

     Huh?  he's obviously a selfish lover lol.. Guys and girls should educate themselves, read lots and watch visuals, uhumm for educational purposes lol (so long as you dont think u have to live up to those vids)

    x
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #74 - May 11, 2014, 04:56 PM

    ha ha theres nothing worse than kissing a guy who cant kiss, the ones who wash the makeup off your face lol  gerosss

    x
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #75 - May 11, 2014, 04:59 PM

    ^ Right, the best advice I could give about kissing is not a lot of saliva, TDR. Maybe lick your lip a bit in the beginning, but too much sucking and too much saliva and too much of an open mouth quickly conjures the image of one of those suckerfish stuck to our face.  Undecided
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #76 - May 11, 2014, 05:21 PM

    Yeahh, keep doing the research, it'll serve you well.  Afro

    Kissing is the only thing I can't imagine being able to figure out without doing it a few times, though. I had to have someone patiently sit with me and show me and critique me. Grin


    lol really lua  Cheesy

    I must say kissing came naturally to me

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #77 - May 11, 2014, 05:31 PM

    ^ Right, the best advice I could give about kissing is not a lot of saliva, TDR. Maybe lick your lip a bit in the beginning, but too much sucking and too much saliva and too much of an open mouth quickly conjures the image of one of those suckerfish stuck to our face.  Undecided

     

    What the hell are you supposed to do during kissing if you don't suck the other person's lips ?

    Confused Huh?

    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #78 - May 11, 2014, 05:35 PM

    Too much is never a good thing. Especially if the other person isn't reciprocating quite to your level, if your mouth is wide open and you're slobbering everywhere and sucking in way too much, it's just weird and gross, and I've been there, and it does take off your makeup. Grin
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #79 - May 11, 2014, 05:36 PM

    lol u press your lips against theirs, too much tongue is like you eating them,
    My ex use to suck my neck like a dog - was not sexy i just ended up with a spitty neck

    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #80 - May 11, 2014, 05:40 PM

    It just occurred to me how long it's been since I kissed someone.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #81 - May 11, 2014, 05:40 PM

    Too much is never a good thing. Especially if the other person isn't reciprocating quite to your level, if your mouth is wide open and you're slobbering everywhere and sucking in way too much, it's just weird and gross, and I've been there, and it does take off your makeup. Grin

     

    you still haven't explained the how ?Grin

    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #82 - May 11, 2014, 05:43 PM

    The how is harder to explain! I really did just learn that one from experience. And, besides, I think a lot of it is just being kind of receptive to the moment, so the formula might change. Definitely don't be too intense if she's not acting like she's into it, it can be a huge turnoff. 
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #83 - May 11, 2014, 05:44 PM

    TDR, you could always let her lead.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #84 - May 11, 2014, 05:45 PM

    lua just beat me to it. Grin

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #85 - May 11, 2014, 06:26 PM

    As a virgin, I'll probably be poor at sex like TDR, so I'm banking on my physics knowledge which should come in handy. I'm hoping that unlike Heisenberg, I can find the position and have the momentum at the same time.
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #86 - May 11, 2014, 06:29 PM

    Like most things, you improve with practise.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #87 - May 11, 2014, 06:30 PM

    OK, so never open up your mouth too much, better have it "half-closed" than wide open. Don't shove your tongue down anyone's mouth or throat. Play gently, and slowly. That's at least my preference. I've never understood people who are all aggressive or "all over" when kissing. It's weird. I like my kisses slow, soft and romantic, and the sex hard, rough and passionate. Watch out for too much spit or saliva, but don't worry about it. As long as you don't start drooling it'll be all right. By the way, when you kiss a girl for the first time, show her that you are interested in "learning". If you know each other, maybe you shouldn't be shy to tell her she's your first kiss. I have the impression that some girls think that's cute, but what do I know. Either way, it's all about experience and learning, nobody's an expert the first time around. Good luck  Afro

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #88 - May 11, 2014, 07:36 PM

    It took just a couple of moments of reading before I realized you were giving instructions on kissing. Grin
  • The topic of pre marital sex
     Reply #89 - May 11, 2014, 07:42 PM

    It can go both ways Grin

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
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