I don't believe it. You are being hard on yourself.
I also used to make excuses for the horrible stuff - but I wasn't lying - I really believed that the horrible stuff just *couldn't* be horrible, because God was lovely and nice and merciful etc... so it was simply my *faulty* understanding.
When you believe deeply in a god you think is all-merciful then your mind just wont accept the nasty things people are saying about your wonderful religion. They misunderstand it.
"Islam the Misunderstood Religion!" - Gosh, how many times have I heard that - and said it myself!
Yep... misunderstood by everyone... especially by Muslims lol...
Allah knows best
Thank you, you're kind, but to be honest, I think I spent more time trying to convince myself that I believed than I did actually believing. It would be nice to say that it was for the love of God that I became an apologist, but I don't think that's true, it was just something that started out small and escalated, and then it was hard to get out of. But I only cringe a little when I look back now, and I am glad I came to my senses, and I hope over time I'll kind of counteract any damage I might've done back then.
Yes, misunderstood by Muslims the most, I remember saying this, too, and always getting, "You think millions of Muslims over hundreds of years are wrong, but you--who are you?
You are right?"
Maybe you got this, too? I guess in the end that wound up being kind of the heart of the problem. Oh, well.