I was drunk,very drunk and suicidal too. It felt more relay thinking about killing myself while being drunk it made more sense, I wanted to electricute myself to death. But then I thought maybe I will just blow the trip switch and not die, and then a phone call from my friend inviting me to his place, probably saved me.
Am scared thought, I felt like I really wanted to do it, and not going to drink anymore, its fucking going to killme.
GET HELP, TUT... NOW!!
There ARE emergency services available... USE them! YOU need to make a first step, so life can get better!!
This is how I feel:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jGrYQRiJ82oThis song sums everything up.
I did contact the emergency services onces, when I was feeling really low, then my mom found out from the letters I had written. It was just not nice, I don't want her to feel bad thinking about me, she tells me she loves me and will help me, but I can't speak to them, the words just don't come out even if I try the words just don't come out, something is wrong with me.
The really interesting thing is, when I was drunk and thinking about killing myself, it felt good it, it was addictive fantasizing about killing myself. Even though I was tipsy I've never felt so connected, it could breath the air I felt really alive when I was thinking about doing it. I think I might have done it if I did not end up going out. Now am scared am not going to ever drink alone.