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 Topic: Raising children too openly?

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  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #30 - September 11, 2009, 12:52 PM
    Quote from: Nour on September 11, 2009, 12:31 PM
    Agreed!  I have a book with some Turkish cartoons about women getting it off when the men are away but unfortunately my scanner isn't working so I can't scan them in and post them.

    D'oh!  015


    Nour, you think those were scanned? I photographed them with my mobile phone, and voila! Afro
    ...
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #31 - September 11, 2009, 01:00 PM
    I think culture also plays a part in it as well. Regardless of religion etc. Both my wife and me are fairly conservertive. My kids know that it isn't a free for all and that they shouldn't take advantage of their dad's apostasy. You see with my wife still being a muslim, she has certain guidelines and axioms that she will pass on. So there's the obvious stuff like the golden rule, which every child should find easy to follow. Then there are things like, what to do when you are watching the tv and a couple start to kiss. In my own house, the kids will themselves change the channel and so will my wife. There is then the issue of homosexuality, I have told my kids that some people are just that way inclined and we shouldn't have any prejudice against them. It's not a disease. Whereas my wife will say that there are people who are that way inclined, but it doesn't make the action itself right. She would put it in the same category as someone who is a womaniser, and something that one might be able to overcome. That in itself is an issue that I know we will never see eye to eye with, so it's something we don't really discuss.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #32 - September 11, 2009, 01:04 PM
    I wouldn't let my kids watch a sex scene, but kissing happens even in cartoons so I have no issue with it, it's harmless.  It's not about being a free for all, that's not what I am trying to aim for at all, it's simply about openess and intelligent choices that are not born out of a need to rebel and try what is so anti parental teaching.



    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #33 - September 11, 2009, 10:21 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on September 11, 2009, 12:26 PM
    Yes, I do worry about them entering that world too young, but I am really going to back it all up with good sex education, protection, and talking to them as much as possible about how hard life is for young parents and for the kids of those young parents. 


    Absolutely. Good ideas all round.

    Quote from: BerberElla on September 11, 2009, 12:26 PM
    If you think about it, the european country with the least teenage pregnancy (can't remember which one exactly) is that way because of it's openess and education.  Let's hope anyway.


    I think it is Denmark according to the diagram here.

    Quote from: BerberElla on September 11, 2009, 12:26 PM
    That is just so sad and wasteful of a life, I am glad I am in a place in my life where I don;t have to stress about whether my doctor is male or female, as your experience shows not every female is as lucky and it is sad.


    Sad indeed. Her elder brother has just be signed onto a Madrassa instead of doing A-Levels. And he's a bright lad.
    Hear ye -->> DONATE TO CEMB

    Relativism | Cognitive dissonance | Cognitive biases | Memeplex | Consequentialism
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #34 - September 11, 2009, 11:36 PM
    At what age would you let them watch porn Berbs?
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #35 - September 12, 2009, 02:05 AM
    Quote from: Lyka on September 12, 2009, 02:01 AM
    i think iv known her for maybe 4 yrs now...i still remember the stuff she says and i follow up the rubbish that gets said by these anti Islamic Islamphobes  and laugh at them with pity.


    And you are a terminally sad little git with no life, are you not?  You follow Berbs around the internet for 4 years, and you repeatedly get banned from here, go and create a new e-mail, find a new proxy IP addy, again and again? 

    You are a sad, obsessive little loser.  Now go and get a life.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #36 - September 12, 2009, 02:29 AM
    I just deleted his posts, guys.  Wink
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #37 - September 12, 2009, 07:37 AM
    Quote from: pakman on September 11, 2009, 11:36 PM
    At what age would you let them watch porn Berbs?


    Good question, I'm guessing that it's not going to be a case of me allowing them anyway.

    I have their pc restricted on what is accessible, and I have no intention of taking that off anytime soon so they won't be watching porn with my blessing.

    No, I'm guessing my son will see porn elsewhere, even have a dirty mag or 2 that are hidden somewhere, long before I ever catch him, and by that time I guess I just have to accept it's all very natural and normal.

    I've never been a mum before so it's all learning as I go along.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #38 - September 12, 2009, 07:41 AM
    I think that's the idea...learning as you go along.

    There's no official handbook to being a parent, every parent brings their child up in the best way they can possibly do so and if your son has a dirty mag or 2, or looks up porn sites elsewhere (at a mates house for example) then that has no reflection on you has a parent!

    It's a normal part of growing up  Smiley
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #39 - September 22, 2009, 01:27 PM
    My 7yr old son got to play games on the PC before his muslim father found written on the google search bar "tickle the sexy lady" and my son admitted to it. He asked him, what he did, and my son replied " I tickled her with a feather dad"....you can only see her face.

    I think that the punishment is too harsh, he is now "banned for life"
    The last stand of frej
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #40 - September 22, 2009, 01:29 PM
     Cheesy  That IS a harsh punishment though.  Have you spoken to your husband about it?   wacko

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #41 - September 22, 2009, 01:34 PM
    I did, and he told me not the say anything to him. I can't give him hope until he apologises properly and vows never to enter anything in the search engine to do with sexy or sex.

    I think the punishment might not last long, but it's got my son thinking that it's wrong.....my hubby says if we don't put our foot down now then he will be searching up other dirty things in the future.

    I wait and see in the meantime...
    The last stand of frej
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #42 - September 22, 2009, 01:44 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on September 12, 2009, 02:05 AM
    And you are a terminally sad little git with no life, are you not?  You follow Berbs around the internet for 4 years, and you repeatedly get banned from here, go and create a new e-mail, find a new proxy IP addy, again and again? 

    You are a sad, obsessive little loser.  Now go and get a life.


    Who is it?
    ...
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #43 - September 29, 2009, 06:39 PM
    Quote from: Rubina on September 22, 2009, 01:34 PM
    I did, and he told me not the say anything to him. I can't give him hope until he apologises properly and vows never to enter anything in the search engine to do with sexy or sex.

    I think the punishment might not last long, but it's got my son thinking that it's wrong.....my hubby says if we don't put our foot down now then he will be searching up other dirty things in the future.

    I wait and see in the meantime...

    We all learn 'dirty things' soon enough.  Roll Eyes Be it from school friends, neighbours, overhearing others talk, on film tv etc.

    We all learn about these things, sometimes secretly too.

    The best way to handle it, is to be flexible and open to kids and not be angry at them for simply being curious. Guide them, teach them, distract their minds so that they learn what is right and wrong and they grow responsibly.
    Pakistan Zindabad? ya Pakistan sey Zinda bhaag?

    Long Live Pakistan? Or run with your lives from Pakistan?
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #44 - September 29, 2009, 07:08 PM
    Quote from: atheist.pk on September 29, 2009, 06:39 PM
    We all learn 'dirty things' soon enough.  Roll Eyes Be it from school friends, neighbours, overhearing others talk, on film tv etc.

    We all learn about these things, sometimes secretly too.

    The best way to handle it, is to be flexible and open to kids and not be angry at them for simply being curious. Guide them, teach them, distract their minds so that they learn what is right and wrong and they grow responsibly.


    What is right and what is wrong varies from culture to culture. There are universals that are generally agreed upon, but there are things that we differ on.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #45 - September 29, 2009, 08:07 PM
    Quote from: Rubina on September 22, 2009, 01:34 PM
    I did, and he told me not the say anything to him. I can't give him hope until he apologises properly and vows never to enter anything in the search engine to do with sexy or sex.

    I think the punishment might not last long, but it's got my son thinking that it's wrong.....my hubby says if we don't put our foot down now then he will be searching up other dirty things in the future.

    I wait and see in the meantime...


    By taking away a former freedom, your son might rebel.

    I don't see anything wrong in him looking things up - he's got to learn to control himself, and learn that women in the real world (by having friends who are girls) don't want to be treated like objects (much like how gun & explosives are a form of entertainment, not something he'll ever conduct in life). If anything, I'd be worried if your son wasn't interested in girls.

    Trust me, your son could, if he wants to, look things up and delete all traces without your hubby knowing. The best way in my opinion for young guys to not view women as objects is to allow them to have girls as friends, not necessarily relationships, but just friends.

    Either way, your son sounds well behaved.  Smiley
    Hear ye -->> DONATE TO CEMB

    Relativism | Cognitive dissonance | Cognitive biases | Memeplex | Consequentialism
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #46 - September 29, 2009, 08:28 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on September 29, 2009, 07:08 PM
    What is right and what is wrong varies from culture to culture. There are universals that are generally agreed upon, but there are things that we differ on.


    Yeah there has to be a line drawn somewhere.
    The last stand of frej
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #47 - September 29, 2009, 08:36 PM
    Quote from: atheist.pk on September 29, 2009, 06:39 PM
    We all learn 'dirty things' soon enough.  Roll Eyes Be it from school friends, neighbours, overhearing others talk, on film tv etc.

    We all learn about these things, sometimes secretly too.

    The best way to handle it, is to be flexible and open to kids and not be angry at them for simply being curious. Guide them, teach them, distract their minds so that they learn what is right and wrong and they grow responsibly.


    We ARE flexible and don't rush to turn off the TV for instance if there is mild nudity shown on an educational programme of a tribe in some tropical forest somewhere in the world. It's natural for them to dress that way, and my son knows that.

    If he DOES search up stuff in secret in the future out of curiosity then good luck to him, he will eventually get to see women's bits. I don't have a problem with that, but not infront of me  (this was a warning for him, that it's not ok Smiley

    I just don't want to sit with my son to watch porn at some stage in the future and call it "being open with him". I am his mother. 
    The last stand of frej
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #48 - September 29, 2009, 08:41 PM
    Quote from: HighOctane on September 29, 2009, 08:07 PM
    By taking away a former freedom, your son might rebel.

    I don't see anything wrong in him looking things up - he's got to learn to control himself, and learn that women in the real world (by having friends who are girls) don't want to be treated like objects (much like how gun & explosives are a form of entertainment, not something he'll ever conduct in life). If anything, I'd be worried if your son wasn't interested in girls.

    Trust me, your son could, if he wants to, look things up and delete all traces without your hubby knowing. The best way in my opinion for young guys to not view women as objects is to allow them to have girls as friends, not necessarily relationships, but just friends.

    Either way, your son sounds well behaved.  Smiley



    We took the freedom away from him for a short while and he now uses the PC again. He doesn't wonder off onto other sites and plays only games. 

    Also, he can have as many girl friends as he wants when he is older.....just not pregnant ones.   grin12
    The last stand of frej
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #49 - September 29, 2009, 09:08 PM
    Quote
    Also, he can have as many girl friends as he wants when he is older.....just not pregnant ones.


    The question that my wife asked my son when he said that a girl asked him out at school was how would he feel if someone asked out his sisters?
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #50 - September 29, 2009, 09:18 PM
    Yeah I'm happy for my boys to have fun with girls but my daughter, no way. Such a hypocrite I know.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #51 - September 30, 2009, 03:13 AM
    Quote from: pakman on September 29, 2009, 09:18 PM
    Yeah I'm happy for my boys to have fun with girls but my daughter, no way. Such a hypocrite I know.


    Even though we have cast Islam aside, there are certain cultural values which we still retain, but what I would do is to ask my son to think twice before taking advantage of any girl and ask him how he would feel if that girl was his sister. I would gently remind him that he has two sisters and to think of how he would react if they were put in a similar position.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #52 - September 30, 2009, 07:35 AM
    Believe me, it's not just an Islam thing Omar.
     
    That's a good way to do it with your son....although I can imagine my son's response if I told him to imagine any girl to be his sister! Smiley
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #53 - September 30, 2009, 07:44 AM
    Incest is best, put your sister to the test. Wink
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #54 - September 30, 2009, 07:58 AM
    Quote from: awais on September 30, 2009, 07:44 AM
    Incest is best, put your sister to the test. Wink


    That was a disgusting comment.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #55 - September 30, 2009, 08:03 AM
    Lighten up Omar Afro
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #56 - September 30, 2009, 08:07 AM
    New topic on it's way.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #57 - September 30, 2009, 09:05 AM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on September 30, 2009, 03:13 AM
    ... ask my son to think twice before taking advantage of any girl and ask him how he would feel if that girl was his sister. I would gently remind him that he has two sisters and to think of how he would react if they were put in a similar position.

    Taking advantage of? Don't you think you are overdramatising a simple date a little bit? And why do you automatically jump to the conclusion that boys take advantage of girls? Why not the other way around? Or why don't you take this "taking advantage of" out of equation completely. Even a simple date is built on a consensus - both parties wont to spend time with one another; what the hell is wrong with that?
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #58 - September 30, 2009, 01:39 PM
    Quote from: Kenan on September 30, 2009, 09:05 AM
    Taking advantage of? Don't you think you are overdramatising a simple date a little bit? And why do you automatically jump to the conclusion that boys take advantage of girls? Why not the other way around? Or why don't you take this "taking advantage of" out of equation completely. Even a simple date is built on a consensus - both parties wont to spend time with one another; what the hell is wrong with that?



    Nothing wrong with the date as such, if that's all it is. But he should treat her with respect and not expect anything sexual. I would expect the same if it was my daughter also. What's wrong with that? Nothing wrong with teaching kids restraint especially when they are in their teens.
  • Re: Raising children too openly?
     Reply #59 - September 30, 2009, 02:14 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on September 30, 2009, 01:39 PM
    But he should treat her with respect and not expect anything sexual. Nothing wrong with teaching kids restraint especially when they are in their teens.

    Agreed.
    But according to what your wife said:
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on September 29, 2009, 09:08 PM
    The question that my wife asked my son when he said that a girl asked him out at school was how would he feel if someone asked out his sisters?

     I was under the impression that even dating was out of the question.
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