Hello from Mowgli

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- Mowgli
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #30 - December 19, 2009, 12:47 PM

Hi IsLame

No intention to seperate. She is aware I have a sexual attraction to males and that my Islam is next to nonexistent.

But I have no intention to leave my family....just leade a double/triple life!

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #31 - December 19, 2009, 12:53 PM

Quote from: Mowgli on December 19, 2009, 12:47 PM
Hi IsLame

No intention to seperate. She is aware I have a sexual attraction to males and that my Islam is next to nonexistent.

But I have no intention to leave my family....just leade a double/triple life!

Mowgli

Why is that leading a double life if you have already told her? Unless you are intending on having extramarital relations without her knowledge? She sounds very understanding, btw was she born here or Pakistan?

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #32 - December 19, 2009, 04:57 PM

My wife (raised in Pakistan) knows I am sexually attracted to males, I am open to het about that. She doesnt like it, but accepts that that is me. She does not however know I am sexually active with males. I have had sexual relationship with males both before and after marriage. I know I will not change - I have no intention to. I know that sounds cold and callous, but I'm tired of trying to be someone I am not.
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #33 - December 19, 2009, 05:56 PM

Hi Mowgli, welcome to the forum, I'm new too and I have been arguing with my parents and friends about homophobia and Islam recently. It's clear that it's a genetic predisposition and even if it wasn't, it can't be deemed bad.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #34 - December 19, 2009, 06:23 PM

Hello mowgli, I love the name choice.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #35 - December 19, 2009, 06:58 PM

Quote from: Mowgli on December 19, 2009, 04:57 PM
My wife (raised in Pakistan) knows I am sexually attracted to males, I am open to het about that. She doesnt like it, but accepts that that is me. She does not however know I am sexually active with males. I have had sexual relationship with males both before and after marriage. I know I will not change - I have no intention to. I know that sounds cold and callous, but I'm tired of trying to be someone I am not.

Hello, hi, welcome to the forum, etc. You practice safe sex, I am assuming, with your playmates? I understand your predicament, but I'm really feeling for your wife here too. And I guess if it wasn't for Islam, neither one of you would be stuck in the situation you're in.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #36 - December 19, 2009, 07:34 PM

H Manat

Thanks for welcome etc. Yes, safe sex is practised...I'm very good at it now!

It's not Islam that put us in this situation. I take the blame for being a coward all those years ago. If I could put back time, I would.

I'm sorry to my wife for what I did. I agree its sad for her and she is blameless.

I feel a shit for putting her through this.

Mowgli
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #37 - December 19, 2009, 08:31 PM

Quote from: Mowgli on December 19, 2009, 01:18 AM
Thanks Kafirist.

I dont honestly know what, if any, the link is between my sexual desires and my rejection of islam. Its something I have thought about alot.

My gut instinct is that as my sexuality is considered a deviancy, that has helped to raise my distaste for the religion and to consider islam inhumane and unnatural. I dont get why 'God' would make me a 'demon' of me just because of my sexual lusts. What the hell did I do to deserve that. My sexual desires I believe are natural; I can recall feelings and experiences at a very young age in relation to sexual attraction towards other males. Would God make me the way I am just so he can then despise me and send me to eternal hellfire? Thats ridiculous.

I hope over time I can explore this issue further on this forum. I hope you and others can help me with that. I think that will help my understanding of my own self.

Mowgli

Hi Mowgli, welcome

Its funny that you mentioned that, I used to always believe that homosexuality was a nurture thing, rather than a nature thing. Meaning I couldnt believe that God would create homosexuals, reason being is simple: how can a merciful god create something and then punish it? Eternally? I forced myself to look the other way. But I am sure now, that you and many others have from a very young age been attracted to the same gender, just as I was attracted to the opposite gender, earliest sexual memory was when I was 12. So its unfair of me to say thats its a nurture thing, when Im sure there are gays who had the same type of sexual feelings around the same age as I and maybe even earlier, only difference being they were attracted to the same sex.

other than that i never really had an issue with gay people, to each his own, but i guess i had to tell myself its still wrong, and god is testing you and you can fight it and overcome it and so on.

on another note, im still weary of watching brokeback mountain hahaha
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #38 - December 19, 2009, 09:43 PM

Quote from: BlackDog on December 19, 2009, 08:31 PM
on another note, im still weary of watching brokeback mountain hahaha

That's not homophobia, that's just good taste.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #39 - December 19, 2009, 09:58 PM

Haven't seen it. I gather from your comments that it isn't as much fun as Priscilla.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #40 - December 19, 2009, 10:06 PM

Well it won lots of awards so I'm sure it's not the worst movie ever... I've only watched parts of it. I find the persistent victim/sexless BFFs portrayal of LGBT people in popular media to be boring.

Yeah I liked Priscilla, Birdcage, But I'm a Cheerleader, Bound, etc. Movies that y'know don't suck.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #41 - December 19, 2009, 10:11 PM

Welcome Mowgli. Hope your situation lightens up and you get to be yourself in the real world eventually.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #42 - December 19, 2009, 10:17 PM

Quote from: Mowgli on December 19, 2009, 07:34 PM
H Manat

Thanks for welcome etc. Yes, safe sex is practised...I'm very good at it now!

It's not Islam that put us in this situation. I take the blame for being a coward all those years ago. If I could put back time, I would.

I'm sorry to my wife for what I did. I agree its sad for her and she is blameless.

I feel a shit for putting her through this.

Mowgli

Really? This is a difficult question, and ignore it if you wish. But would you change what you did so you could lead the life of your choosing, perhaps be sexually satisfied, but if it meant you wouldnt have had your children?

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #43 - December 19, 2009, 11:26 PM

Welcome, Mowgli!

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #44 - December 19, 2009, 11:58 PM

Quote from: IsLame on December 19, 2009, 10:17 PM
Really? This is a difficult question, and ignore it if you wish. But would you change what you did so you could lead the life of your choosing, perhaps be sexually satisfied, but if it meant you wouldnt have had your children?

I think what he meant was he wouldn't have to hurt his wife who really doesn't deserve any of this.

I'm sorry about your predicament Mowgli, I cant imagine how hard it must be to live with that guilt.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #45 - December 20, 2009, 12:26 AM

Quote from: IsLame on December 19, 2009, 10:17 PM
Really? This is a difficult question, and ignore it if you wish. But would you change what you did so you could lead the life of your choosing, perhaps be sexually satisfied, but if it meant you wouldnt have had your children?

Hi IsLame
Thanks for raising some very pertinent questions

What I have is wonderful: a wife who cares for me and 2 gorgeous kids. A home of my own in a pretty bit of London. A respectable job. A comfortable life. Billions of people would love to have this life. Looking after my wife and raising my kids is something I enjoy and cherisg, and I have every intention to fulfi my obligations.

However, if I could turn back time, I would absolutely, definitely, certainly, forsake all of that in order to have lived a life of my own, not a life designed and constructed for me by others.

I dream daily about being an openly ex-muslim gay male. Oh how wondrful that sounds. To live a life of my own, even if I end up a penniless homeless drunk druggie. But it would be my choice. My life. My sex. My lusts. Me. I wish I had the freedom to be me.

I think thats why I joined this site, so my inner soul could be released for all to see. Whether I am judged with hostility, pity or welcomed with love and affection. I just need a place to be me.

I want to be able to say that Mohammad is, for me, a meaningless fictional imposter. That, for me, Allah is a non-entity. That I despise the arrogance and rightousness of my muslim 'friends'. That I think the male being is something that always has and continues to this day to sexually arouse me. That I enjoy fantasising about gay sex and realising it. That is the real me.

I want the world to know the truth about me.

Mowgli
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #46 - December 20, 2009, 12:31 AM

Fascinating, I admire the courage of your honesty. However I would not look on this other lifestyle you could have had with completely rose-tinted glasses either. Also note that nobody is 100% themselves, 100% of the time.

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #47 - December 20, 2009, 01:08 AM

Here's a song for you mowgli http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ogQ0uge06o

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #48 - December 20, 2009, 01:20 AM

Where's the bit that Mowgli gets a homoerotic massage

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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #49 - December 20, 2009, 01:23 AM

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on December 20, 2009, 01:08 AM
Here's a song for you mowgli http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ogQ0uge06o
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Re: Hello from Mowgli
Reply #50 - December 20, 2009, 01:29 AM

You're never gunna live that down!

Quote from: IsLame on December 20, 2009, 01:20 AM
Where's the bit that Mowgli gets a homoerotic massage

There's plenty of massages in that vid, just scroll half way through

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