My father is a very abusive man, and he has a bad temper. We used to be scared of him when we are kids. i cant recall how many times i have received beatings from him by using belts,extension cords,horse whip(he once kept one in his room just to use it on us incase if we misbehave) or sometimes he will use his hands.
Later he became less abusive physically and became more abusive mentally by criticizing you, using a foul mouth and always threathening. My father is the biggest bully i have ever met, as a result i started talking back to him and being rude to him( my younger sister who was the last born and didnt witness all the physical abuse started to hate me because of that but i couldnt care less since she has no idea why am being this way). When he couldnt handle my attitude, he started to depend on my mum to discourage me from being disrespectful, what even pisses me off is that anytime my mum comes and start preaching to me that its haram for one to disobey and disrespect our parents, it drives me crazy, i even once asked her before that how could you defend this man who has been a terror to both of us and you are easily letting get away with things that he is doing to you e.g. He once beats you and you did nothing, he married 3 more women and divorced two, yet you still couldnt do anything. And now you are telling me that i should stop being rude and disrespecting him, no way he can go and rot in hell for all i care and i dont think i can forgive him for what he did.FUCK HIM!!
Firstly damn Naija, sounds like some fucked up times for you too.
It is as I said, seeing domestic violence is damaging and does make a child angry. I used to fear that my kids would hate me for leaving their dad, but I realise that was wrong. They would have hated me more if I had stayed since the angry man......much like your dad.........would still have been in their lives. I don't blame you for not being able to forgive, It has taken me a very very long time to finally refuse to give my father and step mother another chance. I don't talk to them anymore at all. When I think of them I feel such anger for the things they did, so I don't think of them often.
Secondly, I have found the same thing for the bolded bit, as my half brothers and sisters were not abused as children. Although my step mother became psychotic towards them when they finally became teens and started to rebel, up until then, through their childhood, stories of the sisters who had lived there before and were abused, were just that; stories.
They have told me themselves they just find it hard to believe she did some of the things she did, since she never made them bleed, burned them or any of the other stuff we went through.
I wouldn't say they are angry at me for being who I am, my brothers and sisters are very westernised, even when they are claiming to be practising muslims.
Actually, shocking admission here lol when I was a proper believer, I was the MOST hard core muslim in my immediate family, not them.